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  1. #1
    teachermom is offline Junior Member
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    alimony for disabled spouse

    What is the name of your state? MI

    My husband & I are divorcing afte4 5 years of marriage. For the first 3 I worked and he took care of the kids. The 4th year we both worked. This last year he is the only one who has worked (and I stayed home with the kids) because I have Lupus and went into kidney failure, underwent chemotherapy, and was generally very ill. Of course, I have applied for disability, but it is a very long process.
    What I'm wondering is can I collect alimony despite the length of our marriage? At least until I am either medically stable enough to return to work (which is my ultimate goal) or until my disability is resolved?
    We have young children and I am concerned about their well-being.
  2. #2
    teachermom is offline Junior Member
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    by the way

    We've been married for only 5 years, but together for 10. I don't know if this matters.
  3. #3
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Usually only length of marriage matters, not length of relationship.

    This is all I've found so far, and it's for all family law stuff in your state:
    [url]http://www.michiganlegalaid.org/call_library_topic_view?topic_id=1390000[/url]
  4. #4
    VeronicaGia is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by teachermom
    What is the name of your state? MI

    My husband & I are divorcing afte4 5 years of marriage. For the first 3 I worked and he took care of the kids. The 4th year we both worked. This last year he is the only one who has worked (and I stayed home with the kids) because I have Lupus and went into kidney failure, underwent chemotherapy, and was generally very ill. Of course, I have applied for disability, but it is a very long process.
    What I'm wondering is can I collect alimony despite the length of our marriage? At least until I am either medically stable enough to return to work (which is my ultimate goal) or until my disability is resolved?
    We have young children and I am concerned about their well-being.
    MI is not a big alimony state, most especially, for such a short marriage. Even if he is ordered to pay, it would be for a very short time. In other words, you're going to have to find some way to support yourself.
  5. #5
    teachermom is offline Junior Member
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    thanks

    I appreciate the info. Wasn't trying to be rude or ungrateful, have just been ill last few weeks and Internet was the last thing on my brain!
  6. #6
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Could you add your question about suicidal statements to this thread so we can look at your entire situation?
    [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=326467[/url]
    Idle threat or reality?
    What is the name of your state? MI

    Soon to be ex and I are going through bitter divorce/custody situation. Married 5 years, together 10. About a month ago we had a heated argument about who knows what. I was EXTREMELY upset (he had an affair, went to counseling, still ended up here, etc...) and made some offhand comment about hating my life, being better off dead or something to that effect. Honestly, I don't remember my exact words or the nature of the argument; but he does.
    Now that we are trying to "work out" custody he says he is going to use thatstatement to take my kids. He says it shows I'm suicidal and therefore unfit. PLEASE someone tell me that this is legally a bunch of BS?! Can a stupid comment made in the heat of an argument actually be used against me?
    Did you know you had lupus before you had children?
    When did you get your diagnosis of lupus?
    How many children & ages?
  7. #7
    teachermom is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rmet4nzkx
    Could you add your question about suicidal statements to this thread so we can look at your entire situation?
    [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=326467[/url]

    Did you know you had lupus before you had children?
    When did you get your diagnosis of lupus?
    How many children & ages?
    From other thread:
    What about your Lupus and kidney failure, that can contribute to what happened, that is why I asked you to move this to your other thread. You have a serious medical condition that is going to play a role in your custody battle especially since you have both been primary caretakers of your children, with him having the longer time home with the children.

    First - I would hardly call it a suicidal statement. I was mad and said something out of anger and frustration. I am not suicidal - far from it. Just disgusted with my husband.
    To answer your questions: Yes and no about knowing before I had children. We had 2 before I was diagnosed & 2 after. They are 9, 8, 5, and 2. (I also have a 12 yr old stepdaughter). I was diagnosed 7 years ago. He was home longer with the children during the marriage, but we've been together 10 years (5 married) and our overall time at home with them is pretty evenly split.
    As far as my medical condition goes, I am consistently improving. In fact, my doctor is hoping I can return to work as early as September.
    And I would move my other thread to this post, but not sure how. I'm fairly new here.
    Any and all advice is appreciated.
  8. #8
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by teachermom
    From other thread:
    What about your Lupus and kidney failure, that can contribute to what happened, that is why I asked you to move this to your other thread. You have a serious medical condition that is going to play a role in your custody battle especially since you have both been primary caretakers of your children, with him having the longer time home with the children.

    First - I would hardly call it a suicidal statement. I was mad and said something out of anger and frustration. I am not suicidal - far from it. Just disgusted with my husband.
    To answer your questions: Yes and no about knowing before I had children. We had 2 before I was diagnosed & 2 after. They are 9, 8, 5, and 2. (I also have a 12 yr old stepdaughter). I was diagnosed 7 years ago. He was home longer with the children during the marriage, but we've been together 10 years (5 married) and our overall time at home with them is pretty evenly split.
    As far as my medical condition goes, I am consistently improving. In fact, my doctor is hoping I can return to work as early as September.
    And I would move my other thread to this post, but not sure how. I'm fairly new here.
    Any and all advice is appreciated.
    There are arguments on both sides of the issue so you will need an attorney is you want to pursue spousal support. While it is true that you have only been married 5 years and technically a short term marriage, you have been together 10 years and you had two more children and got married after your diagnosis of Lupus which could estop your husband from denying you spousal support, since Lupus is know to be made worse by pregnancy so you both ewntered into the marriage and pregnancies with that knowledge. Your ability to work in the future is uncertain as is your stamina to raising 4 children, that is the honest truth, the issues you will have to prove is your ability to foster the best interest of your children and to co parent them. Having a chronic illness can cause at least depression as can kidney disease, in fact it can cause psychosis. My suggestion to you is to get an attorney, perhaps talk to some folks from the Lupus society for attorneys who have been successful in representing Lupus ptients or at least disabled clients. Be realistic about your disease, your abilities the requirements of raising 4 children and consider some sort of mediated parenting plan whereby you share the parental responsibilities in a shared basis 50/50 but flexible if needed. Obviously you two had something to have had 4 children under these circumstances, you might also consider couples counseling before you take any steps towards divorce.
  9. #9
    teachermom is offline Junior Member
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    I know Lupus can be worsened by pregnancy. My 5 year old was conceived while I was on birth control. My 2 year old was conceived AFTER my husband had a vasectomy. I guess some things are just meant to be! Thanks for the great advice. But, we tried counseling unsuccessfully. He's just decided he wants to be with his 25 year old girlfriend.(go figure)! I'm very realistic AND optimistic about my disease and after my husband made this 'threat' I went directly to my doctor for a complete check-up and review of my meds to make sure nothing could be tied to my arbitrary comment. My doctor concurred that I was just fine (except of course the Lupus I feel very sure that everyone has made some stupid comment at some point in their lives - I just hope mine doesn't come back to bite me in the butt!
    Thanks again...
  10. #10
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by teachermom
    I know Lupus can be worsened by pregnancy. My 5 year old was conceived while I was on birth control. My 2 year old was conceived AFTER my husband had a vasectomy. I guess some things are just meant to be! Thanks for the great advice. But, we tried counseling unsuccessfully. He's just decided he wants to be with his 25 year old girlfriend.(go figure)! I'm very realistic AND optimistic about my disease and after my husband made this 'threat' I went directly to my doctor for a complete check-up and review of my meds to make sure nothing could be tied to my arbitrary comment. My doctor concurred that I was just fine (except of course the Lupus I feel very sure that everyone has made some stupid comment at some point in their lives - I just hope mine doesn't come back to bite me in the butt!
    Thanks again...
    Well if he has a 25 yo GF maybe she would be up to taking care of 4 energetic children! [not!]
    But don't bite off more than you can handle.
    Last edited by rmet4nzkx; 06-26-2006 at 09:21 PM.

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