Alimony ending for disabled mom

[Carlosvanpatten]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? OH

My parents divorced ten years ago. Mom is disabled and dad re-married. Both situations are bad, financially speaking. That said, dad does have some assets, especially when considering his re-marriage; the new wife owns a home, has significant retirement assets, etc.

Questions

1: What are the most common reasons to DENY such a request to eliminate spousal support?

2: Mom can't afford counsel for the upcoming hearing. Dad has not only counsel, but a real bulldog of a guy. Is there any way she can represent herself sufficiently? Any list of items to have prepared?

3: Knowing that the reasoning behind stopping support is lack of funds, is there a common argument that is deployed in this case? What then would the most common foil to that argument be? Is there a common-known method of drawing upon assets acquired via re-marriage?

4: To whom can I refer my mom to find public assistance? Just trying to be realistic.

Many thanks for your help. This is an ugly situation and everyone is miserable about this. I don't know how someone decides to go into family law with all the destruction that these types of cases seem to bring. Again, many thanks for your help.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by Carlosvanpatten

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? OH

My parents divorced ten years ago. Mom is disabled and dad re-married. Both situations are bad, financially speaking. That said, dad does have some assets, especially when considering his re-marriage; the new wife owns a home, has significant retirement assets, etc.

Questions

1: What are the most common reasons to DENY such a request to eliminate spousal support?

That would take a week of writing to explain. What does mom's support order stipulate?

2: Mom can't afford counsel for the upcoming hearing. Dad has not only counsel, but a real bulldog of a guy. Is there any way she can represent herself sufficiently? Any list of items to have prepared?

That depends on her intelligence.

3: Knowing that the reasoning behind stopping support is lack of funds, is there a common argument that is deployed in this case? What then would the most common foil to that argument be? Is there a common-known method of drawing upon assets acquired via re-marriage?

Yes, it's I don't want it stopped.

4: To whom can I refer my mom to find public assistance? Just trying to be realistic.

That depends on the city in which she lives.

Many thanks for your help. This is an ugly situation and everyone is miserable about this. I don't know how someone decides to go into family law with all the destruction that these types of cases seem to bring. Again, many thanks for your help.

Listen, you are asking an internet forum to teach you all about the laws of spousal support without having met your mother, interviewed the parties involved, studied the original decree or any relevant facts in the case and want it done soon.

It's not going to happen. If your mother needs to hire an attorney then you need to call around. If she can't afford one then you need to contact the bar association (in the phone book or on the web) and ask them to refer someone in your mother's area.

But, your father's new wife's assets have nothing to do with this and if the original order stipulates that support is to stop, it's going to stop.

[pojo2]

Is Mom receiving SSI or another form of disability payments? Welfare payments of any kind?

What does his current wife's assets have to do with anything?

And as you say realistically

Why should any man have to support an ex for the rest of her life?

Oh and yes I am female!

[stealth2]

Although OP provided a bunch of information, s/he didn't provide what's important.

What does the order say specifically regarding spousal support and it's end date?

Was the spousal support rehabilitative in nature, and/or was it intended as a part of the property settlement?

Who is requesting that spousal support end, and why? Is it in line with what the order states regarding an end date?

Was Mom disabled at the time of the divorce/MSA?

And regardless, the new wife's assets are NOT part of the package - she is in no way responsible for helping support the ex-wife.

[VeronicaGia]

And what has your mom been doing these past 10 years knowing full well this day would come? How has she prepared? Has she gone to college? Did she think this day would never arrive?

[pojo2]

People usually do not like to be told the truth when they want a different answer.

So answer the questions.

[Carlosvanpatten]

I'd like to thank you all for the reality check. I'll do my best to ask after these questions on my mother's behalf. Stealth2, thanks so much for your thoughts and direction.

And for the record, Belizebreeze, you either need a cookie or a hooker. Something to chill out your undoubtedly flabby frame. I wasn't aware that this place was your fiefdom. Save your condescending comments for another unlucky participant.

My mother is mentally and physically disabled. (Thanks for the slap, Belize. I'll be sure to toss in "retard" the next time I see her.)

Stealth2 wrote:

"What does the order say specifically regarding spousal support and it's end date?"

The support order stipulates support in the amount of $25,000 annually for the remainder of her life. It started in 1992.

"Was the spousal support rehabilitative in nature, and/or was it intended as a part of the property settlement?"

I can't say with certainty. I don't have access to any documents.

"Who is requesting that spousal support end, and why? Is it in line with what the order states regarding an end date?"

My father, due to lack of assets. No end date specified.

"Was Mom disabled at the time of the divorce/MSA?"

That's an interesting question. In the eyes of the state of OH with regard to this action, I would have to say no. However, I don't have any context to understand how spousal support for life stacks up against what's normal. The "for life" element tells me a lot. She is currently physically worse off than at the time of the divorce. Her mental state is about the same. Either mental or physical meets the standard of "disability" set forth in the ADA, not that the ADA is a standard to be met in this case, just offering as a point of reference.

And thank you all for the direction with regard to the current wife's assets. Fortunately, at such a low amount of support, my sister and I should be able to shoulder the burden. I'll likely need a lawyer to figure that out as well. Here's hopin' Belizeskidmark is for rent!

Thanks again.

[stealth2]

$2k a month is really NOT a low amount of support. But it doesn't sound as though Dad is going to get far with his petition.

[nextwife]

And when does it get to be dad's turn to get taken care of, after all those years of taking care of others? He's not supposed to ever have the right to slow down, get tired, get sick, make less, and have it be HIS tur to not work hard?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by nextwife

And when does it get to be dad's turn to get taken care of, after all those years of taking care of others? He's not supposed to ever have the right to slow down, get tired, get sick, make less, and have it be HIS tur to not work hard?

whoa hon....I know that you aren't fond of alimony, but this woman is both mentally and physically disabled....and apparently was mentally disabled when they divorced.` I suspect that she also didn't work much, if any, therefore has no real SS benefits built up. Who do you think should support her? She obviously can't support herself.

[nextwife]

Oh, I don't know, maybe whomever she would have relied upon for support had she had the exact same maladies, but had not married?


Sorry, I've seen co-workers and people I know DIE of heart attack and stroke because they did NOT cut backin their work and take it a bit easier. Sorry, I don't think we should use the support system to force people to work themselves to death so that nobody has to ever modify their lifestyles! But hey, she can get the courts to force him to support her, or at least to do so until he drops dead from overworking to keep up with supporting TWO households.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by nextwife

Oh, I don't know, maybe whomever she would have relied upon for support had she had the exact same maladies, but had not married?


Sorry, I've seen co-workers and people I know DIE of heart attack and stroke because they did NOT cut back and take it a bit easier. Sorry, I don't think we should use the support system to force people to work themselves to death so that nobody has to ever modify their lifestyles!

While I understand the point that you are making...there is such a thing as "in sickness and in health" that is part of the marriage vows. Therefore, as far as I am concerned this is one case where the ex husband is definitely obligated.

I also suspect that she had to modifiy her lifestyle considerably when she divorced. If he was ordered to pay 25k in alimony he was obviously making considerably more than twice that when they divorced. I think the highest amount of alimony I have seen ordered is about 35%..and its usually less.

His new wife has assets and retirement funds so obviously he isn't going to starve.....because he isn't on his own, he has help.

This mentally and physically disabled woman however, does not have any means to support herself. It might be different if she didn't have the double whammy of both a mental and physical disabilities.

[BelizeBreeze]

Based on Carlo's idiotic response I almost did not reply, but ignorance is treatable. Now, since you don't have the order in front of you GO GET IT. Because until you do and can quote exactly word for word from it , everything that has been told to you is a guess.

And if you don't like that response you can kiss my grits.

Because the divorce was granted 10 years ago, the Ohio statutes require the court to retain jurisdiction in the matter. That means that yes, the order is modifiable.

IF it will be or not depends on reading the court's mind, something you seem to want us to do and which NO ONE who knows what they are talking about WILL do.

The fact that your mother is disabled is one of many factors that will be considered. WHEN she became disabled, how she became disabled and to what extent she is disabled are all factors that will also be considered.

What you have failed to specifically address her 'disability' and the specific causes and/or results of that disability on her chances for work, any specific medical and/or psychological reasons she cannot work or benefits from this 'disability' that she receives. These too will be factors in the hearing.

Also, in your response you said that you do not have access to 'those documents'. However, you expect answers to specific questions based on them. Sorry, but that isn't going to happen.

The ONLY relevant answer you CAN receive is the one I gave you in the very beginning. Your mother needs to have a local attorney review ALL RELEVANT facts in this case and advise on a prudent course of action. And ONLY after reviewing all of the documentation of the divorce.

If you don't like that answer, you know what you can kiss.

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

This mentally and physically disabled woman however, does not have any means to support herself. It might be different if she didn't have the double whammy of both a mental and physical disabilities.

I believe that after 10 years of marriage, a person IS entitled to file on their ex-spouses records. Of course, we do not know if she had her own 10 or more premarital productive years. Heck, I'm married ten years, and I had a great many years of building up assets and SS credits BEFORE my marriage.

Has mom filed for SS disablity?

As to the in sickness and health aspect, what if her disability occurred AFTER the marriage?

What is mom's disabilitie(s)?

[Carlosvanpatten]

Belize, thanks for the specifics. I have passed them on to my mother and will do my best to get it across to her what she's up against. And, for the record, I am indeed an idiot about 75% of the time.

But I don't know that my response was any more idoitic than yours was sophomoric. While this is the web, totally anonymous, and therefore prone to know-it-all posturing, I think we'd all agree that this is a forum that bridges the gap between the initiated and the novice. After all, if I had my crap together, I wouldn't need free advice, would I?

That said, I'm taking the suggestions offered here and am going to try my best to get real, hard facts to offer rather than what Belize accurately labels as conjecture.

I've spent some time in the south. I'd never want to kiss grits. Unless they were really buttery. Are yours buttery, Belize?

Thanks all. Trying not to lose my mind here.