alimony to husband?

[TiredWife]

What is the name of your state? CT
I started this thread on another forum but it looks like it belongs here.
Married 34 yrs, husband has Masters degree + 25+ years experience in various businesses. Has no sense of financial responsibility & it has been getting worse over the last 10 years--bounces LOTS of checks. doesn't pay bills, charges up a storm on credit cards. I felt forced very early on the get a job to support our 3 children & make sure we always had health ins. Children now adults. Marriage counselling has not worked nor is he agreeable to a trial separation (that would mean he would have to support himself...) I make 90k, last yr he made about 25k (as a subsitiute teacher, unemployed in the summer.) What is looked at in determining whther I would have to pay him alimony?It kills me becasue its not like he CAN'T get a better job, he just chooses not to.

Also, I have 70k in a 401k (my name.) Obviously, he has no pension built up bacuse he always took his distribution when he left a job & spent it. I deperately need a new car as I commute to my job (no mass transit.) ; no one has filed anything yet. What happens if a take a loan against it, or withdraw 35k to buy a new car outright ? Is he entitled to half of what's left, or can he try to attach the whole 70k? What about if I make a gift of another 10k each to each of my 3 children? If nothing is filed yet, am i correct in believing that--since the 401k is mine--i can handle it as i choose ?

[VeronicaGia]

The 401K is a marital asset no matter whose name it's in. You start taking money out, giving it away, etc., and then file for divorce, a judge is NOT going to be happy with you and may make you pay him back his share. Pretty much everything you two own are marital assets no matter how they are titled.

Keep in mind that since you have a long term marriage and make so much more than he, you could be ordered to pay him alimony too.

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by TiredWife

I make 90k, last yr he made about 25k (as a subsitiute teacher, unemployed in the summer.) What is looked at in determining whther I would have to pay him alimony?It kills me becasue its not like he CAN'T get a better job, he just chooses not to.

Also, I have 70k in a 401k (my name.) Obviously, he has no pension built up bacuse he always took his distribution when he left a job & spent it. I deperately need a new car ..... What happens if a take a loan against it, or withdraw 35k to buy a new car outright ?

Yes, There have been several guys here recently making the same complaint about their wives (look back through the archives). Each wife had plenty of education, and had held good jobs, but refused to hold down a good job now that they had a spouse.

Taking 35K from a 401k for a CAR? That's half the entire 401k! With penalties and taxes? Yikes, that doesn't sound like a fiscally wise approach. I never waste significant money on a depreciating "asset" like a car. I buy off-lease used autos (I'm driving a very nice, loaded Ford Windstar van) for well under $10,000 and just write a check using my homequity, then pay myself back. I'd sure rethink putting $35K into a car right now, not knowing your future financial sitaution.. Reliable transportation can be had for way less that that.