Alimony negotiation?

[Boogiewipes]

How does $300 per month = $4,200 per year?

Zinger,

Math in public equals potential embarrassment. Let me correct that.

 

[Astrolink]

So why does the court feel it's appropriate for my STBX to be living better than me and forcing me into poverty? My STBX hasn't contributed a single dime to our daughter. She refuses to get a job. The court doesn't care that she hasn't complied with the court order regarding seeking employment. This divorce started a year and a half ago and is now at the 6.5 year mark.

My STBX will file Ch7 after the final decree, thereby wiping out all of her attorney fees and credit card debt. She will be living great with the ability to work on top of the alimony while I as the custodial parent toil in poverty.

First, you are nowhere near poverty. Second, and I see this as your biggest problem, is focusing on the system and your ex. First, throw logic out the window as it doesn't necessarily apply in family law, and second, you have no control over what your ex does. None. Let go of it.

I'm not going to single out where you can decrease your expenses as you will have to figure that out yourself, but I figured out my own, using an inflation calculator to be more accurate and including $900 as a rent figure, and I lived on $2300/month with 2 children, shared custody and $0 of assistance nor any tax breaks. One thing I did is look at items I needed while shopping, write down the model/make/product number, ect. (this included clothing), then bought it online. I found most items could be purchased for 1/3-1/2 less. I used a credit card with 2-6% back on everything. I used several online services that give you rebates if go to their their site first. I found free adult after and pre school care for the kids from neighbors by also watching their kids for free as necessary. The ways to save are endless.

The only other thing I have to add is until you get rid of the learned helplessness and defeatist attitude, you aren't going to be able to help yourself. Your situation requires planning and action. Doing nothing but thinking about how your ex is going to do will get you nowhere.

 

[Bali Hai]

OP, in case you haven't figured this out, the advise given to you thus far is about how YOU will do everything possible post divorce to take care of your college educated spouse, and nothing about how your college educated (and I'm guessing lazy spouse) should do to take care of themselves.

My advice is to never make the same mistake again once (as the law provides) YOU have cleaned this mess up.

 

[single317dad]

OP, in case you haven't figured this out, the advise given to you thus far is about how YOU will do everything possible post divorce to take care of your college educated spouse, and nothing about how your college educated (and I'm guessing lazy spouse) should do to take care of themselves.

I'm all for the lazy getting up off of their collective butts, but the goal is to be legally helpful to the OP, not provide moral support.

Though I do support him morally (but not necessarily as much as he'd like, as I think his accounting is off somewhat).

 

[Boogiewipes]

I'd like to thank all who read my thread. It helps to have an unbiased viewpoint. I spoke with an ethical bankruptcy attorney today. I know, hard to believe I mentioned two of those words in the same sentence....anyways, he was very clear about the dangers of Ch13 and how I currently didn't qualify for Ch7. It is likely best for me to soldier forward with the problem I have created for myself.

The accounting difficulties I'm having are not due to intransigence. It's because it's a facet of life most people have little real knowledge of. I don't believe there is any way for me to make any serious headway on my debt until the alimony ends. So I'm angry because I realize that my STBX is going to come out of this divorce far ahead of me financially when she is the partner that cheated, lied, substan...... Blah, blah, blah. Nobody is perfect and I honestly thought my STBX would have repercussions for her actions. The whole personal responsibility thing, ya know? It's never going to happen, I get that now.

I picked a bad business partner and due to changes in Illinois law after my divorce was filed, in my opinion, I'm getting penalized for no good reason. I have learned a valuable lesson. Never enter into a financial arrangement without clearly spelled out protections. Thank you all again. I'm going to make the best of a tough situation. This won't beat me.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Life isn't fair. I faced similar situation. I've seen others here that faced the same thing. All I can say is that the amount paid to the lawyer will have to be lowered.

And check out couponing groups. There are ways to get coupons without paying full freight on newspapers each week.

 

[stealth2]

I gotta tell ya... I didn't respond earlier as this entire thread made me see red as a divorced CP who raised two kids (in the metro-NY area) from 4&6 through adulthood on an income a fraction of yours. For starters - you have heating. Why do you need firewood? Why do you need someone to do your lawn? Have you not heard of two feet and a lawnmower? Seriously. Talk to the lawyers and GAL about adjusting the payment plan.

But please, do not paint yourself as poverty stricken on your income (even post SS). It is offensive.

P.S. You listed clothes for the child twice on your breakdown.

 

[Boogiewipes]

I gotta tell ya... I didn't respond earlier as this entire thread made me see red as a divorced CP who raised two kids (in the metro-NY area) from 4&6 through adulthood on an income a fraction of yours. For starters - you have heating. Why do you need firewood? Why do you need someone to do your lawn? Have you not heard of two feet and a lawnmower? Seriously. Talk to the lawyers and GAL about adjusting the payment plan.

But please, do not paint yourself as poverty stricken on your income (even post SS). It is offensive.

P.S. You listed clothes for the child twice on your breakdown.

Stealth, I appreciate your candor but your assumptions are showing your biases. You enjoyed receiving CS while I will have to pay CS, even though I'm the CP. Raising your children in a metro area, you may not realize that firewood can be an affordable source for heat. As far as assuming I have a gardener who mows my lawn, that is laughable. Lawncare doesn't equal gardener just like child care doesn't equal nanny. I grew up on section 8 and clawed my way to the top of my profession through unrelenting effort.

 

[stealth2]

Stealth, I appreciate your candor but your assumptions are showing your biases. You enjoyed receiving CS while I will have to pay CS, even though I'm the CP. Raising your children in a metro area, you may not realize that firewood can be an affordable source for heat. As far as assuming I have a gardener who mows my lawn, that is laughable. Lawncare doesn't equal gardener just like child care doesn't equal nanny. I grew up on section 8 and clawed my way to the top of my profession through unrelenting effort.

Dude! Sure I received CS - that's included in my FRACTION of your income. And believe me - I know plenty about firewood for heating, and lawn care. I own a home w/~1 acre of land, and I do my own lawn care - mowing, fertilizing, weeding, raking, etc. Myself. Post stroke. 'Cause I cannot afford to pay someone to do it. So what "lawn care" do you pay for?

Seriously - you're a whiner.

 

[Silverplum]

Stealth, I appreciate your candor but your assumptions are showing your biases. You enjoyed receiving CS while I will have to pay CS, even though I'm the CP. Raising your children in a metro area, you may not realize that firewood can be an affordable source for heat. As far as assuming I have a gardener who mows my lawn, that is laughable. Lawncare doesn't equal gardener just like child care doesn't equal nanny. I grew up on section 8 and clawed my way to the top of my profession through unrelenting effort.

Your biases are showing, too. You assume stealth2 received CS. You also seem to assume it was an amount that was actually useful.