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11-03-2008, 04:20 PM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 4
| | | Alimony Offer
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland
Wife and I have been separated since March 2007 (married for 26 years), with 3 children, 2 now over the age of 18, and the youngest (16) living with me in the marital home. Wife left the home and all bills with me. She is now living with her parents. She had two affairs, started and failed a business using the marital home as collateral for the business loan. She declared bankruptcy along with her partner (and lover). I was the guarantor and am now responsible as well for that loan. The home is now under water.
I have Pendente Lite custody of the minor child and have always provided all support to him as well as the older children (including all college expenses).
She is declaring constructive desertion as her basis for leaving. I am contesting that.
She now wants permanent alimony as she is claiming at the age of 47, and having cared for the children most of our marriage that she cannot rehabilitate herself to a point where she can live on her own. (She does have a college degree and have worked in the past). She has an administrative job now paying $36k to my salary of about $170k (although I carry all debt right now).
If we were to settle out of court what would be reasonable? Would the courts normally award permanent alimony due to duration of marriage and dispartity in income?  |
11-03-2008, 06:52 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,751
| | | Fight her. She committed adultery. She has marketable skills. She can be rehabilitated. You are keeping all the debt because she discharged it and put it on your shoulders. You are also the custodial parent. So I suggest $0.00 per month alimony to her.
__________________
Parents should remember two things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) and when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you.
Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. My advice is based on the law and not deemed to necessarily apply to the specifics of your case. The devil is in the details after all. |
11-03-2008, 07:16 PM
| | Member | | Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 558
| | | Maryland courts are very ex wife friendly and still consider women to be *dependent* on the male for financial stability. Infidelity will play very little into the calculations. They will look at the overall term of the marriage and her *needing* to live within the lifestyle she was given.
Please get a good lawyer who is regarding your finances and looking out for your future as well. Settling out of court can be tricky and rarely does it work in favor of the person shelling out the dough. |
11-04-2008, 04:37 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 33,549
| | | I agree with OG that you should probably fight it, but 26 years is a very long marriage, and with your income disparity it may be a losing battle.
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in vino veritas |
11-04-2008, 06:16 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,751
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayla  Maryland courts are very ex wife friendly and still consider women to be *dependent* on the male for financial stability. Infidelity will play very little into the calculations. They will look at the overall term of the marriage and her *needing* to live within the lifestyle she was given.
Please get a good lawyer who is regarding your finances and looking out for your future as well. Settling out of court can be tricky and rarely does it work in favor of the person shelling out the dough. | The woman engaged in adulterous affairs and started a business with her lover. If those are facts then she deserves nothing and her LOVER can support her. You are wrong about infidelity playing very little into it.
__________________
Parents should remember two things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) and when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you.
Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. My advice is based on the law and not deemed to necessarily apply to the specifics of your case. The devil is in the details after all. |
11-04-2008, 07:40 AM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 4
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogal The woman engaged in adulterous affairs and started a business with her lover. If those are facts then she deserves nothing and her LOVER can support her. You are wrong about infidelity playing very little into it. | My point also. That and she has not contributed anything to any of our marital debt, other than to give me more debt. Her attorney and family (the family I have known for 30 years) is pushing for permanent alimony for her stating she cannot survive on her own. With a college degree from a noted University and some hard work she can easily get better employment, but the fact is she simply does not want to work and has been cared for by me and her family for so many years she simply expects it now.
We have been embroiled in our divorce proceedings now for a year and we are no further along now than we were then other than our lawyers are very wealthy. |
11-04-2008, 09:10 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,693
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by LdiJ I agree with OG that you should probably fight it, but 26 years is a very long marriage, and with your income disparity it may be a losing battle. | So what?? You always bring this up when it is the WOMAN who stands to get a lifetime free handout because of the duration of the marriage!!
The woman is 47 years old with a college degree. She also committed adultery and drove their finances into the ground. You want this irresponsible behavior rewarded by imposing a further burden on this OP for the rest of his life??
It just amazes me that you (and the family law system) advocate rewarding deadbeats because of the length of the marriage and their choice to be lazy!! By doing so you force responsible people to be indebted to irresponsible people who then can continue their irresponsible lifestyle!! |
11-04-2008, 10:06 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 33,549
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Bali Hai So what?? You always bring this up when it is the WOMAN who stands to get a lifetime free handout because of the duration of the marriage!!
The woman is 47 years old with a college degree. She also committed adultery and drove their finances into the ground. You want this irresponsible behavior rewarded by imposing a further burden on this OP for the rest of his life??
It just amazes me that you (and the family law system) advocate rewarding deadbeats because of the length of the marriage and their choice to be lazy!! By doing so you force responsible people to be indebted to irresponsible people who then can continue their irresponsible lifestyle!! | Bali, I am not advocating anything. I am telling him the truth about what might happen. I realize that you don't want people to be told the truth, but I am not going to tell lies.
I already said that he should fight it. However, I want him to be prepared in case he loses.
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in vino veritas |
11-04-2008, 02:26 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,693
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by LdiJ Bali, I am not advocating anything. I am telling him the truth about what might happen. I realize that you don't want people to be told the truth, but I am not going to tell lies. Oh give me a break!!
I already said that he should fight it. However, I want him to be prepared in case he loses. | We will see what happens the next time I tell someone the truth about what "might" happen. |
11-04-2008, 03:04 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 33,549
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Bali Hai We will see what happens the next time I tell someone the truth about what "might" happen. | You tell people that things as if they absolutely will happen when they have no remote probability of happening. I told him that something might happen.
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11-04-2008, 07:11 PM
| | Member | | Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 558
| | | This is a legal forum and not one to argue morals verses state laws. Maryland does not recognize adultry as reason in and of itself to deny alimony to either party. The original poster has every human reason to be upset and downright protective of what he earned and provided for. That is not the issue.
The issue is the amount of alimony or should he try to settle outside the court room. At least that is how I read the original posting.
On a sidebar note I think Bali often speaks with a sense of reason and experience. I look forward to the responses from Bali and hope he keeps speaking up on this issue. |
11-04-2008, 08:00 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,751
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayla This is a legal forum and not one to argue morals verses state laws. Maryland does not recognize adultry as reason in and of itself to deny alimony to either party. The original poster has every human reason to be upset and downright protective of what he earned and provided for. That is not the issue.
The issue is the amount of alimony or should he try to settle outside the court room. At least that is how I read the original posting.
On a sidebar note I think Bali often speaks with a sense of reason and experience. I look forward to the responses from Bali and hope he keeps speaking up on this issue. | Please at least post FACT. OP see the following: Quote: |
[url=http://www.peoples-law.org/Family/divorce/choosing%20grounds.htm]Choosing Grounds for Divorce in Maryland[/url]
| and Quote:
FAM. LAW § 11-106
(b) In making the determination, the court shall consider all the factors necessary for a fair and equitable award, including:
the circumstances that contributed to the estrangement of the parties;
| AND, Quote:
WHITTINGTON v. WHITTINGTON
914 A.2d 212 (MD 2007)
172 Md. App. 317
| The parties were married 23 years in the above case. The wife was awarded indefinite alimony even though she committed adultery due to a substantial difference in incomes. The appeals court vacated the alimony award due to the adultery.
Please back up what you are saying Tayla. I can back up what I am saying.
__________________
Parents should remember two things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) and when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you.
Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. My advice is based on the law and not deemed to necessarily apply to the specifics of your case. The devil is in the details after all. |
11-05-2008, 01:16 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,139
| | | plus this woman has been on her own for a year and a half already |
11-06-2008, 06:42 PM
| | Member | | Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 558
| | | Thank you Ohiogal for taking the time to read my post. Sorry that I don't back up, I move forward in life and allow people to misinterpret whatever they want. Its your right as a human.
On a positive note- the links were informative and that is a positive for the OP to review. End result, the OP gained some insight. |
11-06-2008, 08:05 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 33,549
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge plus this woman has been on her own for a year and a half already | I don't know if living with your parents actually counts as living on your own in this scenario.
I am simply concerned about the length of the marriage and the disparity in incomes. At a minimum the OP needs a solid attorney.
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