Almost 10years military marriage down the drain.. Alimony???

[Missy524]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
I will try to keep this simple we were married 12/17/2001 have two boys 8 and 12, both his and yes he agrees they are his. I have worked our whole marriage and supported him through four moves and three deployments. I have my bachelors degree in psychology and currently working on my masters in hr. Then a year ago I get hurt and become disabled. In may 2012, I was approved for social security and last month I caught him cheating on me with a bunch of different girls online, about 15. At the same time I just had major surgery on my back and was diagnosed with major depression, I couldn't handle everything but he said he wanted to work it out and I agreed to let him stay. That is until he left me the next three days to go out drinking supposedly and never came home and I Found pictures with his shirt off sent to many girls. I ended up having an anxiety attack and trying to kill myself. I called my friends and they came and got me and I was admitted and sent to counseling for a couple of days. When I got out he picked me up and on the way home told me I should have killed my self and started screaming at me in front of our kids. They put a no contact order on him and its still on till dec. 2 2012. The military is also going to pay for me and the kids to move to Oregon where my dad lives to get away from him. I know I will get child support but since I can never work again and I will lose my free health insurance that I desperately need, how much do u think I will get for alimony or maintenance. He is pretty much getting everything in the house except the kids rooms and one couch and my clothes. He has also just given me only 500 dollars since oct 5. Thanks. Oh yeah he makes 4700 a month and already pays 700 child support to another child.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
I will try to keep this simple we were married 12/17/2001 have two boys 8 and 12, both his and yes he agrees they are his. I have worked our whole marriage and supported him through four moves and three deployments. I have my bachelors degree in psychology and currently working on my masters in hr. Then a year ago I get hurt and become disabled. In may 2012, I was approved for social security and last month I caught him cheating on me with a bunch of different girls online, about 15. At the same time I just had major surgery on my back and was diagnosed with major depression, I couldn't handle everything but he said he wanted to work it out and I agreed to let him stay. That is until he left me the next three days to go out drinking supposedly and never came home and I Found pictures with his shirt off sent to many girls. I ended up having an anxiety attack and trying to kill myself. I called my friends and they came and got me and I was admitted and sent to counseling for a couple of days. When I got out he picked me up and on the way home told me I should have killed my self and started screaming at me in front of our kids. They put a no contact order on him and its still on till dec. 2 2012. The military is also going to pay for me and the kids to move to Oregon where my dad lives to get away from him. I know I will get child support but since I can never work again and I will lose my free health insurance that I desperately need, how much do u think I will get for alimony or maintenance. He is pretty much getting everything in the house except the kids rooms and one couch and my clothes. He has also just given me only 500 dollars since oct 5. Thanks. Oh yeah he makes 4700 a month and already pays 700 child support to another child.

Don't count on getting spousal support for more than a few years, if at all. Why can you not work as a psychologist? You are currently working on your masters. How much Social Security do you receive? Your husband makes $4000 a month after child support to the other child. You might not get more than child support depending on how much that ends up being and how much your social security is. Spousal support is NOT a guarantee or an entitlement.

 

[st-kitts]

Don't count on getting spousal support for more than a few years, if at all. Why can you not work as a psychologist? You are currently working on your masters.

Just as an undergraduate degree in some field of legal study is insufficient to be an attorney, an undergraduate degree in psychology is insufficient to be a psychologist. OP indicated she was working on a masters in HR...

Licensing applies to the term psychologist and many counseling titles. Some state requires doctorate level education, but to my knowledge, all require a master's to be a even a licensed counselor and then a specified amount of time under supervision in documented interships and practicums. General social work would be a possibility with an undergraduate degree, but not seeing patients. In Oregon, OP would need a doctorate...

http://www.oregon.gov/obpe/Application_Forms/Applicant_FAQ_2-12.pdf

I point this out, simply, because prior to being in counseling, I had no idea what went into becoming one and also because I have come to have a lot of respect for the field in general...

 

[Ohiogal]

Just as an undergraduate degree in some field of legal study is insufficient to be an attorney, an undergraduate degree in psychology is insufficient to be a psychologist. OP indicated she was working on a masters in HR...

Licensing applies to the term psychologist and many counseling titles. Some state requires doctorate level education, but to my knowledge, all require a master's to be a even a licensed counselor and then a specified amount of time under supervision in documented interships and practicums. General social work would be a possibility with an undergraduate degree, but not seeing patients. In Oregon, OP would need a doctorate...

http://www.oregon.gov/obpe/Application_Forms/Applicant_FAQ_2-12.pdf

I point this out, simply, because prior to being in counseling, I had no idea what went into becoming one and also because I have come to have a lot of respect for the field in general...

Thank you for that information. HOWEVER, why can't she work as a social worker or something of that nature? That might be a better question.

 

[ecmst12]

A batchelor's degree is probably not sufficient for any mental health job that pays enough to make a living. But I bet there is SOME job she can do.

 

[TheGeekess]

A batchelor's degree is probably not sufficient for any mental health job that pays enough to make a living. But I bet there is SOME job she can do.

Depends on how high on the hog she wants to live. Psych Techs, NAs, Unit/Ward Clerks/Secretaries seem to be able to make enough for a living.

But OP says she's on SS disability; that would either be SSDI (based on her previous working hours) or SSI (needs-based). So, OP is not totally without resources.

 

[ecmst12]

And depending what the disability is (I hadn't read closely enough) she may actually NOT be able to work or continue going to school.

 

[CJane]

I wouldn't count on ANY alimony for a less than 10 year marriage. VERY short term (think 2-3 years) might be possible, but it's certainly not a given. Less than 10 years doesn't give you much of a shot at his retirement either, should he choose to retire from the military at some point.

Has his behavior been addressed through the chain of command?

 

[nextwife]

Why do you believe you can NEVER work again?

Lots of folks have major back surgeries and return to work. I have a relative who suffered a broken NECK and works full time.

If you were a non married person with this injury, would you just give up on ever working and be willing to live that way?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
I will try to keep this simple we were married 12/17/2001 have two boys 8 and 12, both his and yes he agrees they are his. I have worked our whole marriage and supported him through four moves and three deployments. I have my bachelors degree in psychology and currently working on my masters in hr. Then a year ago I get hurt and become disabled. In may 2012, I was approved for social security and last month I caught him cheating on me with a bunch of different girls online, about 15. At the same time I just had major surgery on my back and was diagnosed with major depression, I couldn't handle everything but he said he wanted to work it out and I agreed to let him stay. That is until he left me the next three days to go out drinking supposedly and never came home and I Found pictures with his shirt off sent to many girls. I ended up having an anxiety attack and trying to kill myself. I called my friends and they came and got me and I was admitted and sent to counseling for a couple of days.

Where were your children when you attempted suicide?
Just "counseling for a couple of days" for a suicide attempt -- was that a 72-hour hold? No further counseling?
Are you stable enough to be primary parent nowadays?

When I got out he picked me up and on the way home told me I should have killed my self and started screaming at me in front of our kids. They put a no contact order on him and its still on till dec. 2 2012. The military is also going to pay for me and the kids to move to Oregon where my dad lives to get away from him.

The bolded is quite, quite amazing. How did you get that to happen??

I know I will get child support

Honestly, I don't know that you will be the primary parent.

but since I can never work again

That's already been discussed.

and I will lose my free health insurance that I desperately need,

"Free" to whom? Your H pays for the family's share through the military.

Part of choosing to divorce is knowing that you are not going to get the benefits of being married to your spouse.

 

[CJane]

Is your STBX PCSing?

 

[LdiJ]

I wouldn't count on ANY alimony for a less than 10 year marriage. VERY short term (think 2-3 years) might be possible, but it's certainly not a given. Less than 10 years doesn't give you much of a shot at his retirement either, should he choose to retire from the military at some point.

Has his behavior been addressed through the chain of command?

Actually CJane, you are wrong on the military pension.
A military pension is marital property divisible in a divorce, and it doesn't matter how long they were married in the case of whether or not she is entitled to any of it. If the marriage was less than 10 years long (10 years during the military service) then the government won't cut her a separate check for the pension, but that does not take away her right to 1/2 of the pension that accrued during their marriage.

 

[CJane]

Actually CJane, you are wrong on the military pension.
A military pension is marital property divisible in a divorce, and it doesn't matter how long they were married in the case of whether or not she is entitled to any of it. If the marriage was less than 10 years long (10 years during the military service) then the government won't cut her a separate check for the pension, but that does not take away her right to 1/2 of the pension that accrued during their marriage.

No. It's more complicated than that.

1. A military pension CAN BE considered marital property. It is up to each state as to how that is allocated, or when.
2. Unless he is currently retiring, there would be no money forthcoming from said retirement anyway - unless and until he ACTUALLY retires.
3. She does not have a "right" to 1/2 of the pension accrued during the marriage.

See here:

State laws can differ when it comes to the division of military retirement pay but the USFSPA gives each state the right to treat military retirement as “marital property.” State courts are tasked with making an “equitable distribution” of the military member’s retired pay but, that does not automatically mean a 50/50 distribution. Each state has factors that are applied to each individual case and division of marital property such as military retirement is based on those factors.

An example of language for allocating retirement to an ex-spouse when the military member is still serving:

Determining the exact marital share of military retirement is not possible if the service member is not yet retired. The denominator is unknown in this situation because we will not know how many years the service member will serve until retirement takes place. In this type divorce, courts can award a percentage of the service’s member’s retired pay by using another formula.

In this example, the service member was in the service for 2 years before marrying. The marriage lasted another 18 years and then ends in divorce. At the time of the divorce, the service member is still on active duty. At the time of the divorce we can not calculate the spouse’s percentage of military retirement because the denominator or years of service is still growing. The numerator can be determined though by the length of the marriage. In this case, the numerator is 18 years or 216 months. To award the spouse 50% of the military retired pay the court order would read as follows:

"The spouse shall receive X% of the marital share of the service member’s disposable retired pay. The marital share is a fraction, the numerator is 216 months of marriage during the service member’s creditable military service, divided by the total number of months of the member’s creditable military service."

Once the service member retires the Department of Finance would fill in the unknown denominator which would be the total number of months the service member accumulated before retirement.

There is no "guaranteed 50%" of accrued retirement pay.

See here:

http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/military/uniformed-services-former-spouse-s-protection-act-usfspa--573.shtml

 

[princess5200]

Missy524,

Can you please private message me? I would like to ask you a question about this situation... Thanks.