Am so frustrated at ex ignoring court order

[pjstiredofit]

What is the name of your state? Texas....but Alabama was where we lived and had home, I'm still in alabama.Divorce was filed in texas[font="Comic Sans MS"]
We lived together for two years before getting married, both in Calif and then Texas, both states recognize common law marriage. He was in the Navy when we met and started living together in 1983, a few months later my kids and I moved with him to Houston tx, where he was stationed on recruiting duty for 5 yrs, we were married there in 1986. After that , we moved back to Calif , back to sea duty, until his retirement in 1994, when we then moved to Mobile, AL to be nearer my widowed mother.
He went to work at the shipyard near here & worked there until he quit just before leaving the state, our home and our marriage...all while I was in Colorado helping my daughter after she had surgery. My husband was scheduled to come out a couple of weeks later, as were my kids & grandkids that live in Calf, it was a family surprise to my daughter in colorado .everyone was coming out to surprise her for her 'over the hill party.' Jim called a couple before he was to arrive to tell me he wouldn't be on the flight so we wouldn't drive to Denver to pick him up..at least that was decent of him..Other than that he ruined the entire event..He had been the kids only Dad for 22yrs and the grandkids only papaw ever..sadly we are the only grandparents for all six grandchildren, and they loved their popaw and were really looking forward to seeing him.
I've been disabled since 1990, have serious mobility problems, and extremely limited in what I'm able to do , jim was well aware of this problem and had to help me by doing the housework I was unable to do such as vacuum or mop. Other than that, I did all the bookkeeping, took care of anything that I possibly could so he didn't have to worry..all he did was work , come home , clean pool, and relax...
He left me and moved directly into a house with his first wife & second wife...which happen to be the same person..she threw him out of their house twice for another man..She married him the 2nd time after finding out she was pregnant and the other man's wife would not give him a divorce..soon, the other man did get his divorce and out he went again..I didn't meet him until years later, so had nothing to do with divorce but his girls treated me as though it was my fault and if I weren't in the picture then their parents would get back together..never mind that she had a husband.Things rocked on and about 5 yrs ago she got a divorce , and the kids were grown but that didn't stop them from talking about wanting mommy and daddy back together again. I guess I lived in a fools paradise because I trusted my husband and our love, he'd never given me a reason I shouldn't..He was always good to me, came home from work and we spent our time together.
Needless to say , it was worse than getting hit with a baseball bat in the gut..I was stunned beyond belief, it was so unlike him and he wouldn't even tell the kids why he was leaving and now he won't talk to them at all. He hasn't talked to them since he told them he wasn't coming out and they begged him to & my daughter was so distraught she asked him ' what have I done wrong that two dads don't love me enough to stay in my life?" It's true their bio dad was so angry at me for divorcing him that he refused to have anything to do with them either.. mainly it was because he was an abusive dad and never really wanted to be a dad anyway. So , jim was the only dad they ever had. No matter what he feels about me, he knows me well enough to know I wouldn't interfere with any relationship he wanted to have with the kids, but he refuses to do even that.
You won't believe the trouble I've had trying to find an honest attorney, and one that will really work for me in my favor. The first atty told me it would cost 1000.00 , so I wired that to him that same day, since he had to appear in court the next monday , just to say I had received my papers..that's all...I kept asking him for a receipt and a statement showing what services would be provided for the fee of 1000.00, and never received anything. The next time I called to find out when court was scheduled, I was told he was no longer at that firm and they had no idea where he was. I called his cell phone and left a message a day, I also sent emails that were also ignored..I still have no idea where he is and when I called the Tx state bar I was told I needed his lawyer number to bring a complaint against him???
My daughter in law found another attorney for me just about a week before court date was scheduled. She and my son had to pay his fee, (1, 500) as well as pay for my 2 flights to Tx, and motel rooms , not sure why I had to go up there twice but it just about did me in to do all that traveling..I made it though and thought things were going to be settled soon...BOY WAS I WRONG..
It's 8 month's later and my divorce was just filed on 1-28-08 and now the ex has 30 days to file an appeal...but that's what I've been being told this entire time..that he had filed a motion to appeal and we were waiting to see when he would file. I kept writing my atty to see if there was a time frame he could file or just when he felt like it?? He was ordered to pay me 10K from the 401K, 8K from an IRA..(.part of what he had taken from our 401K ) also he gets a pension from the Navy of over 2K a month, but since he's 75% disabled (not really) but that part he's getting from disability is unouchable in TX, even though he's going to school and collecting extra money because he is married, I'm not getting any of that either...I was awarded 300.00 a month for ss, and 50% of the retirement after his disability pay, about 350.00 maybe.. So far, all he has paid me since last June is the 300.00 ss, and I draw 452.00 from social security disability, so I've been living on 752.00 for 8 months, and my family has loaned and given me money , if not for them I would be homeless and will be if he doesn't pay soon....I finally threatened to put him in jail for contempt if he didn't pay..I had to send the letter to my attorney since I have no way of getting in touch with him.. , I emailed the judge and told him jim had been ignoring his order and that I really needed his help to enforce his order..I sent this mail to them in mid dec, it wasn't but a few days later that I had a hearing set for Jan 28th but I was told I didn't have to be there...
Now, I'm being told once again that I have to give him 30 days to file his appeal or motion for a new trial ...but I'm really scared because today is the 5th of the month and I haven't
received his ss direct deposit yet and my checks are going to bounce like a couple already have...I don't even have gas or groceries..I'm 60 yrs of age, have been a good person all my life, and don't understand why he did me this way..I can handle not wanting to live with someone, I don't want to force anyone to be where they don't want,but can't his treatment of the kids and knowing I could end up homeless..Please tell what I can do to force him to finally pay what he owes????? Thanks in advance for any help..sorry so long

[mommyof4]

That is one big block of text.

Post the relevant details and break it up a bit. It's hard to read.

[penelope10]

I'm a little confused as to why the divorce was filed in TX instead of AL. Your post is pretty long so it may have been lost for me in translation.....Also who filed for the divorce---was it the husband?

As far as the kids and grandkids go, I guess they are seeing a whole new side to this guy. It's a shame, but you have no control over that.

If you could break your text up a little bit it would help a lot.

[pjstiredofit]

I tried to write as much info as possible and I realize it's a long read, but knew there would be lots of questions so tried to put all info in..it's a long drawn out divorce and even with all the info I wrote there was still a question.
We had made agreement for me to file in alabama after having surgery , but he filed first in TX . guess he figured the laws were better there for his retirement. I still hired an attorney here, filed in Tx to have it transferred back here where our home was, but judge denied request.

[penelope10]

So I gather from reading your post, the divorce was finalized on 01/28/08 and ex has stated that he is going to appeal. He has thirty days to appeal, but you have not received anything in regards to whether he has filed an appeal correct?

[pjstiredofit]

Originally Posted by penelope10

So I gather from reading your post, the divorce was finalized on 01/28/08 and ex has stated that he is going to appeal. He has thirty days to appeal, but you have not received anything in regards to whether he has filed an appeal correct?

We went to divorce court May 25th 07, the judge said he would make his decision and let us know soon..nothing was decided that day..in June 07, I received papers from the judge saying I was to get 10K from the 401K, also 8K from the IRA, 300.00 monthly for ss, and finally 1/2 of his military retirement that is left after his disability ...So, I went into waiting mode...I kept in touch with my attorney, and was told my stbx was thinking of filing an appeal..that is what I've been dealing with since last June when the judge made his decision...
In Dec I threatened to have my stbx arrested for contempt..all I have ever received from him is the 300.00 ss monthly..I receive 452.00 social security and my ex is well aware of my financial situation.. After threatning to have him arrested, all of a sudden I am notified there will be a hearing on Jan 28th, I was not there , but the divorce was finally granted ...Now he has 30days to file an appeal..which is what I was being told all last year that he was in the process of doing..
I'm angry at the way I've been treated by the law in TX..and my attorney wrote yesterday that at the end of the 30 day wait to let him file or not file an appeal, he would then have to make arrangements for a QDRO for the funds to be transferred to my account..He said he would give my ex around 30 to fill out that paper work and if he doesn't do it in that time frame, then my atty would get papers ready. I was so angry I sent him back a letter saying that no way should ex have 60 days to play around before I get funds..30 days to possibly file appeal, then another 30 to file QDRO..Not when my atty knows I'm so broke I can barely eat and forget putting gas in my car..I stay home all the time..am I wrong in demanding he not give ex the extra 30 days after appeal time is past???

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by pjstiredofit

We went to divorce court May 25th 07, the judge said he would make his decision and let us know soon..nothing was decided that day..in June 07, I received papers from the judge saying I was to get 10K from the 401K, also 8K from the IRA, 300.00 monthly for ss, and finally 1/2 of his military retirement that is left after his disability ...So, I went into waiting mode...I kept in touch with my attorney, and was told my stbx was thinking of filing an appeal..that is what I've been dealing with since last June when the judge made his decision...
In Dec I threatened to have my stbx arrested for contempt..all I have ever received from him is the 300.00 ss monthly..I receive 452.00 social security and my ex is well aware of my financial situation.. After threatning to have him arrested, all of a sudden I am notified there will be a hearing on Jan 28th, I was not there , but the divorce was finally granted ...Now he has 30days to file an appeal..which is what I was being told all last year that he was in the process of doing..
I'm angry at the way I've been treated by the law in TX..and my attorney wrote yesterday that at the end of the 30 day wait to let him file or not file an appeal, he would then have to make arrangements for a QDRO for the funds to be transferred to my account..He said he would give my ex around 30 to fill out that paper work and if he doesn't do it in that time frame, then my atty would get papers ready. I was so angry I sent him back a letter saying that no way should ex have 60 days to play around before I get funds..30 days to possibly file appeal, then another 30 to file QDRO..Not when my atty knows I'm so broke I can barely eat and forget putting gas in my car..I stay home all the time..am I wrong in demanding he not give ex the extra 30 days after appeal time is past???

Your ex is required to follow current court orders

[tuffbrk]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

Your ex is required to follow current court orders

I'm so impressed with your restraint.

[Golfball]

Originally Posted by pjstiredofit

I stay home all the time..am I wrong in demanding he not give ex the extra 30 days after appeal time is past???

A few things from reading your long post:

* Don't email judges on your case, unless you're either a) following the rules for ex parte communications, or b) properly copying everyone who needs to be copied on it. (And if you're represented, there should be no reason for you to email the judge directly.)
* The 60 days (30 for appeal, and 30 for the QDRO after the case is finally disposed, if that is the case) doesn't, at least at first glance, appear unreasonable. The timeframe for filing an appeal is set by court rules or statute.
* For the first attorney you wired money to (but who apparently didn't do anything), you might be able to get his bar number from his former firm.

[Ronin]

all of a sudden I am notified there will be a hearing on Jan 28th, I was not there , but the divorce was finally granted

Assuming you were willing to pay for the extra work, it would have been your attorneys responsibility to have filed motions to compel and to enter judgment six months ago to expedite this.

my attorney wrote yesterday that at the end of the 30 day wait to let him file or not file an appeal, he would then have to make arrangements for a QDRO for the funds to be transferred to my account..He said he would give my ex around 30 to fill out that paper work and if he doesn't do it in that time frame, then my atty would get papers ready

Thats baloney. Your attorney should submit the QDRO paperwork and any other actions right away since you now have a valid judgment to enforce this.

It is extremely unlikely your judge will modify the judgment or any appeals court in Texas will stay the judgment in your type of case pending an appeal. It is even less likely your ex will be able to afford the costs of appealing this case in light of the odds against winning.

If you need the Texas Bar number for the attorney who took your money and ran you can follow this link and file a complaint: [url]http://www.texasbar.com/template.cfm?section=member_directory[/url]. Not that this type of complaint will go very far, but it is simple to file the complaint and it should be done.

[pjstiredofit]

After notifying my attorney of my reluctance to give ex an extra 30 more days to pay what the court ordered him to pay last May, I received a letter today, a copy of what he sent to ex's atty.."Finally, have you prepared the necessary QDROs in this case.We would like to have that as soon as possible.If there's going to be further delay in accomplishing that. let me know." He sent this to the other attorney on Feb 6th , sent me a copy and this is the latest news from him.
Since last May all I have heard from my atty is that my ex was 'thinking of filing appeal" , I had no divorce papers, nothing in writing about an appeal..I was left hanging all this time..and still am hanging..feel like hanging self at times.. I'm living way below poverty level, on less than 800.00 monthly, without help from my kids I don't know what I would have done.
Today I find out he has removed me from his insurance , even though the judge told him to keep me on for 18 mos so I could have surgery if possible.
I know I am getting the screws but have no choice..I've been keeping in touch with attorney , sometimes he answers me, sometimes not. I didn't know my ex had the capacity to be so cruel as he has been since he left.
I have found the other attorney's bar card and am in process of trying to get satisfaction from there..
Thanks to anyone that was able to read my very long post, I'm sorry it was so long, but I haven't had anyone to talk this over with for so long so I tried to fill in any questions but guess it was too long, am very sorry for this. Thank you Ronin, you're helpful advice is very appreciated. PJ

Originally Posted by Ronin

Assuming you were willing to pay for the extra work, it would have been your attorneys responsibility to have filed motions to compel and to enter judgment six months ago to expedite this.



Thats baloney. Your attorney should submit the QDRO paperwork and any other actions right away since you now have a valid judgment to enforce this.

It is extremely unlikely your judge will modify the judgment or any appeals court in Texas will stay the judgment in your type of case pending an appeal. It is even less likely your ex will be able to afford the costs of appealing this case in light of the odds against winning.

If you need the Texas Bar number for the attorney who took your money and ran you can follow this link and file a complaint: [url]http://www.texasbar.com/template.cfm?section=member_directory[/url]. Not that this type of complaint will go very far, but it is simple to file the complaint and it should be done.