Apart Too Long?

[linkis]

I'm in California.

My husband filed for divorce July '07 - I'm frozen w/ fear. Feb 5th, I have a mediation hearing. He filed wanting no division of property & I answered saying I wanted 1/2 pention, 1/2 debt paid & support. The prob. is, we've been living apart for 9 + years of the 16 we've been married. We've been paying joint taxes, go on joint vactions, did holidays, saw each other almost daily for most of those years too -- And, he has paid my rent this whole time we've lived apart. I am disabled and have not worked in over 13 years. When this is over, I'll have no money for rent, no medical insurance, a pile of old bills & not nearly enough SSI to cover my bills & food alone!

We didn't get a divorce in all that time because he would say "maybe someday we can be togehter" - well, that never came! He found a girl 1 1/2 years ago - he's in love now & she doesn't him married to me. Now, this year, I barely see him.

My problem is I feel too afraid to move! I will be in a terrible place & I wondered if the time we've been living apart technically, is bad for my case. Will they just call it legally seperated because it's been so long?

He does NOT want to pay a single dime and he will fight if I try to get a division of any kind at the mediation - he'll hire a lawyer, he can afford it. I don't have a lawyer, I can't afford court - I just want to get through the 5th & go into this meeting knowing if I even have a leg to stand on - or - if the 9 years of being "sort of" apart of the 16 years was too much time & he is legally able to just walk without helping me [/i][/i]

What is the name of your state? I told you, CA - pushy thing!What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

[garrula lingua]

Read the self-help books about divorce (NoloPress has very good ones).
Someone helped you file the answer (or you're slick enough to have figured it out).

File a written declaration with the court (see the Nolo book), concentrate on the fact that he has paid all your bills and that you are disabled.
Actual separation date is a squishy fact.
There is case law in CA that found a husband and wife were not separated, as Hubby still returned home at times & wife did his laudry. ... The separation date can be seen as the date he announced he wanted a divorce and changed his contact (stopped paying bills).
Hubby will say the separation date was long ago. .... and the argument is on.

Courts are more apt to grant alimony in a 'long-term' marriage (10 years or more).

If you're already on SSI, I presume you have Medicaid, which is probably better than his health insurance.
You may want to start shopping for a cheaper apt., or see if you can get a roommate to help with the rent.
Work out a new monthly budget and tighten your belt more (if possible. You'll have to adjust to a lesser income).
Cut any luxuries (cable TV, extended phone service, cell phone, eating out, car ownership, etc) and only add them back as you can afford.
Check into any possible job training to assist you in a new field where you could work comftably. Check into part-time jobs (check whether this would impact the SSI).
Can you share an apt with a friend or relative and pool your money for utilities, etc. ?

The date of separation is arguable. The Commissioner/Judge will decide if you both argue for different dates. You are MUCH better off if you state your arguments, clearly, in writing, in a declaration, as courts often have very little time for oral arguments (they have the right to decide on the pleadings and refuse to hear oral orguments).

Check out the Family Law Facilitator in your Family Law courthouse, and self-help books. Often, the local Law Library may be a good source also (ask the librarian to point you in the right direction).

[linkis]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this for me! (very sweet) I will write it down for the judge and read your suggested books right away. I have already stared to size down and am living with out the "extras" you mentioned. I will stick to the facts you suggested - and they make perfect sense to me! Again, I appriciate your response, more than you know - it's good to have some feedback - because to this point, I haven't had any.

[las365]

I don't know much about family law or what might fly with a Judge, but it seems to me that you have a decent shot at proving that you weren't seperated; rather, you simply had an unconventional living arrangement. This is the part I would focus on if I were you:

We've been paying joint taxes, go on joint vactions, did holidays, saw each other almost daily for most of those years too -- And, he has paid my rent this whole time we've lived apart.

Not to be nosy, it could make a difference: why did you come to the two-household living arrangement? And when did the "almost daily" contact cease?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by las365

I don't know much about family law or what might fly with a Judge, but it seems to me that you have a decent shot at proving that you weren't seperated; rather, you simply had an unconventional living arrangement. This is the part I would focus on if I were you:

Not to be nosy, it could make a difference: why did you come to the two-household living arrangement? And when did the "almost daily" contact cease?

I agree, particularly since he has also been paying her rent. That clearly indicates that he was supporting her.