Bali Hai (Alimony)

[PQN]

I've been reading these boards for a little while now and have noticed that you are, um, slightly opposed to alimony. I am curious. If you were to redesign alimony laws in this country, what would they look like? (You don't have to sell me on the need for reform, I already agree we need reform.)

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by PQN

I've been reading these boards for a little while now and have noticed that you are, um, slightly opposed to alimony. I am curious. If you were to redesign alimony laws in this country, what would they look like? (You don't have to sell me on the need for reform, I already agree we need reform.)

I can answer that...he would say that alimony shouldn't exist at all, no matter what the circumstances were...

At least, that would be his "gut" response. However, after thinking about it he might reconsider in cases where a truly disabled spouse was being kicked to the curb.

After all, I don't think that even Bali would feel it fair for a rich spouse to kick a quadraplegic spouse to the curb without having to support that spouse.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

I can answer that...he would say that alimony shouldn't exist at all, no matter what the circumstances were...

At least, that would be his "gut" response. However, after thinking about it he might reconsider in cases where a truly disabled spouse was being kicked to the curb.

After all, I don't think that even Bali would feel it fair for a rich spouse to kick a quadraplegic spouse to the curb without having to support that spouse.

Depends. Was the spouse quadriplegic before they got married? Did it happen during? Afterwards?

(L, I'm honestly not being facetious, k? The same question has been seriously asked more than a few times, y'know?)

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by PQN

I've been reading these boards for a little while now and have noticed that you are, um, slightly opposed to alimony. I am curious. If you were to redesign alimony laws in this country, what would they look like? (You don't have to sell me on the need for reform, I already agree we need reform.)

One person (a judge) should not have the power to wreck someone's financial life. Alimony awards should be decided by a jury along with unequal property divisions.

We've made divorce EASY in this country where one person can destroy another hard working person's life for no good reason at all.

The MAIN purpose for alimony awards is to keep working people's taxes low by keeping the person who refuses to work off the welfare rolls. That's an unacceptable political position.

The same people who made divorce easy should also bare the consequential costs associated with the divorce and not penalize the spouse who provided the hard earned money during the marriage.

Hollywood divorces should not be the example for the rest of the country to follow.

[deecopperpot]

In Australia...everything is sold split in half ...done!

I think that in the US if alimony was paid the way it is suppose to be paid..to help the other person get on her feet...training and a job..like for a definite ONLY 3 years at most. That would be fair. Then these woman (yes I am a woman) would know and try a little harder. I walked away from a 33 year marriage and asked for no alimony. I can look myself in the mirror and I take care of myself. He always loved his money more anyway.

[crazyeights]

As a SAHM, I am going to jump all over this. Although I should add that I have made a few posts here regarding my divorce and alimony in which I received compassionate advice and was never chastized by the infamous Bali. I admit, I was thankful for this cause I JUST KNEW from reading the board that "it was coming". lol Anyways....sometimes he just grinds my teeth along with some of his "woman supporters". Keep in mind though, that I am not posting to pick a fight with anyone; not Bali nor his supporters BUT (the preverbial BUT which actually discounts everything I have said prior, I know) there is something to be said for us. And gosh darn it, I am gonna say it. (Like others haven't before me, I'm sure )

Bali, we are not all rolled up into he same ball. I am not going to go into my particular details but you act as if NO WOMAN ACTUALLY deserves a chance (and money, yes cold hard cash that my stx worked so hard for, again ) for a better life after all I did for him and our family during our marriage.

I was promised many things. I was promised a better life if only I would let him be gone almost 24/7 whether it be at school or working from home. I was told that he was doing this for "us". Well, in the process of doing it for "us", he actually forgot about "us" along the way. What I thought "we" were sacraficing for "us" actually turned out to be only for him. Sure, I will get five to six years of alimony. He will be strapped during that time. But when push comes to shove, I have been living a very, very loney life. One that I put up with so that he could be the most successful person that he could be, with hope of course because I was promised. That we both would be able to "relax" (meaning benefit) when it was over with.

Well, that time is now and guess what? I am finding myself being divorced. There was no thought on his part to re-connect after a difficult marriage. The time spent apart took it's toll and to be honest, I never believed it was for "us" but for him from almost the very beginning. I would have been so much better off by not having his children if he had been honest. (there's more this aspect..) My point is, I gave up a thirteen year "career" so that he could pursue what it was he needed to do. I feel like I was played big time.

As it would have it, I will be taken care of for a short time (getting back to CS & SS) but after that, he will be well on his way to pick up the pieces with his huge salary and I will be broke. Why you might ask? Because, I will be using every dime I get from the assets to finish raising my girls (cause we all know cs just doesn't get it) and to put towards their education. When all is said and done, after the five years or so, I will be broke. He will struggle a little in the meantime but after that, he has everything to look forward to.

No, I am not telling a tale of "oh, whoa is me" here. It is what it is, and I will be ok in the end I suppose. It just burns my you know what when I hear your rederick regarding SS. It's not fair but then again, as I have learned, nothing is fair in divorce. ABSOLUTELY nothing!! It has nothing to do with the courts, the judges or the lawyers. It all begins at home, between the husband and wife with the honesty or dishonesty that is established.

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

One person (a judge) should not have the power to wreck someone's financial life. Alimony awards should be decided by a jury along with unequal property divisions.

We've made divorce EASY in this country where one person can destroy another hard working person's life for no good reason at all.

The MAIN purpose for alimony awards is to keep working people's taxes low by keeping the person who refuses to work off the welfare rolls. That's an unacceptable political position.

The same people who made divorce easy should also bare the consequential costs associated with the divorce and not penalize the spouse who provided the hard earned money during the marriage.

Hollywood divorces should not be the example for the rest of the country to follow.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by crazyeights

As a SAHM, I am going to jump all over this. Although I should add that I have made a few posts here regarding my divorce and alimony in which I received compassionate advice and was never chastized by the infamous Bali. I admit, I was thankful for this cause I JUST KNEW from reading the board that "it was coming". lol Anyways....sometimes he just grinds my teeth along with some of his "woman supporters". Keep in mind though, that I am not posting to pick a fight with anyone; not Bali nor his supporters BUT (the preverbial BUT which actually discounts everything I have said prior, I know) there is something to be said for us. And gosh darn it, I am gonna say it. (Like others haven't before me, I'm sure )

Bali, we are not all rolled up into he same ball. I am not going to go into my particular details but you act as if NO WOMAN ACTUALLY deserves a chance (and money, yes cold hard cash that my stx worked so hard for, again ) for a better life after all I did for him and our family during our marriage.

I was promised many things. I was promised a better life if only I would let him be gone almost 24/7 whether it be at school or working from home. I was told that he was doing this for "us". Well, in the process of doing it for "us", he actually forgot about "us" along the way. What I thought "we" were sacraficing for "us" actually turned out to be only for him. Sure, I will get five to six years of alimony. He will be strapped during that time. But when push comes to shove, I have been living a very, very loney life. One that I put up with so that he could be the most successful person that he could be, with hope of course because I was promised. That we both would be able to "relax" (meaning benefit) when it was over with.

Well, that time is now and guess what? I am finding myself being divorced. There was no thought on his part to re-connect after a difficult marriage. The time spent apart took it's toll and to be honest, I never believed it was for "us" but for him from almost the very beginning. I would have been so much better off by not having his children if he had been honest. (there's more this aspect..) My point is, I gave up a thirteen year "career" so that he could pursue what it was he needed to do. I feel like I was played big time.

As it would have it, I will be taken care of for a short time (getting back to CS & SS) but after that, he will be well on his way to pick up the pieces with his huge salary and I will be broke. Why you might ask? Because, I will be using every dime I get from the assets to finish raising my girls (cause we all know cs just doesn't get it) and to put towards their education. When all is said and done, after the five years or so, I will be broke. He will struggle a little in the meantime but after that, he has everything to look forward to.

No, I am not telling a tale of "oh, whoa is me" here. It is what it is, and I will be ok in the end I suppose. It just burns my you know what when I hear your rederick regarding SS. It's not fair but then again, as I have learned, nothing is fair in divorce. ABSOLUTELY nothing!! It has nothing to do with the courts, the judges or the lawyers. It all begins at home, between the husband and wife with the honesty or dishonesty that is established.

When your alimony runs out you have three choices, go back to court and ask for more alimony, go on welfare, go get a job.

[crazyeights]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

When your alimony runs out you have three choices, go back to court and ask for more alimony, go on welfare, go get a job.

Whatever Bali...Did you miss the part that said "I will be broke". That means that I have no intention of asking for more alimony afterwards. Nor will I ever want to be on the welfare rolls. I probably wouldn't qualify anyways. Get a job you say? Sure, that was always the plan before divorce came up, to help with our retirement, the kids college, extras for us!! But you see, I gave up 16 years of my life for a promise (one that I should of known could never be filled, my fault I guess for being naive). What kind of money can I actually make at this point in my life? So yes, I will be getting a job, but I will still be broke while my husband is living high and mighty on his salary that he convinced me was going to be worth "our" effort after all those years and that I supported.

Sorry that you may of gotten screwed but us woamn get screwed also!!

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by crazyeights

Whatever Bali...Did you miss the part that said "I will be broke". That means that I have no intention of asking for more alimony afterwards. Nor will I ever want to be on the welfare rolls. I probably wouldn't qualify anyways. Get a job you say? Sure, that was always the plan before divorce came up, to help with our retirement, the kids college, extras for us!! But you see, I gave up 16 years of my life for a promise (one that I should of known could never be filled, my fault I guess for being naive). What kind of money can I actually make at this point in my life? So yes, I will be getting a job, but I will still be broke while my husband is living high and mighty on his salary that he convinced me was going to be worth "our" effort after all those years and that I supported.

Sorry that you may of gotten screwed but us woamn get screwed also!!

Our President wants you to attend college, take him up on it.

[almostfree]

I see both ways

[crazyeights]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

Our President wants you to attend college, take him up on it.

Ha, that's pretty funny. We have an idiot for a president!!!

Politics aside, I do plan on doing something. I would have started already if not for that my fields of choice have a 2-4 year wait!! And I should also note that I am 46 years old. Did it also occur to you that we have a 52% unemployment rate between the ages of 18 and 24? If those college students can't find a job, why would I want to waste all those years in school at my age?

I know, I am being a pessimist and it might not be that bad once I am finished but it also burns my butt that he went all the way to his masters while I took care of EVERYTHING else in his life for 16 lonely years. Who is going to help me?

Bali, face it, sometimes you cannot win with your view on this subject!!! But I am listening if you want to leave the snide comments alone and offer some actual helpful advice!!

crazyeights

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by crazyeights

Ha, that's pretty funny. We have an idiot for a president!!!

Politics aside, I do plan on doing something. I would have started already if not for that my fields of choice have a 2-4 year wait!! And I should also note that I am 46 years old. Did it also occur to you that we have a 52% unemployment rate between the ages of 18 and 24? If those college students can't find a job, why would I want to waste all those years in school at my age?

I know, I am being a pessimist and it might not be that bad once I am finished but it also burns my butt that he went all the way to his masters while I took care of EVERYTHING else in his life for 16 lonely years. Who is going to help me?

Bali, face it, sometimes you cannot win with your view on this subject!!! But I am listening if you want to leave the snide comments alone and offer some actual helpful advice!!

crazyeights

I'm not going to participate in your pity party.

My last helpful advice to you is to suggest that you seek a good therapist.

[VeronicaLodge]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

I can answer that...he would say that alimony shouldn't exist at all, no matter what the circumstances were...

At least, that would be his "gut" response. However, after thinking about it he might reconsider in cases where a truly disabled spouse was being kicked to the curb.

After all, I don't think that even Bali would feel it fair for a rich spouse to kick a quadraplegic spouse to the curb without having to support that spouse.

what if the quadraplegic spouse was the one leaving the rich spouse?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

what if the quadraplegic spouse was the one leaving the rich spouse?

Good point Veronica, also what if the quadraplegic spouse was the rich spouse divorcing a lazy bum who wouldn't work?

If the rich quadraplegic spouse was a CEO and had an annual income of let's say $200k. Should the lazy bum who won't work get $100k?

Would gender matter?

Of course we know that LD's quadraplegic spouse being kicked to the curb is the wife.

[crazyeights]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

I'm not going to participate in your pity party.

My last helpful advice to you is to suggest that you seek a good therapist.

The furthest thing this is, is a pity party. It's a case in point. You though, took the easy way out by calling me crazy. That is the furthest thing also!!