Can I get alimonty payments in NY?

[nyclady]

Hi everyone,

I am wondering if I could be entitled to alimony/support payments in NYC?

My husband and I got married in 1999. He had an affair with a co-worker in 2003 which I found about right away and our marriage fell apart right after that. We lived separate lives since 2003 but under the same roof and recently I found out that my husband has been on and off with the same woman for the last 6 years. We signed a separation agreement in June of 2007, but based on the August 2006 financials. It was the forms my husband found online, he went through our financials, divided the assets and we signed the forms and got them notarized. No lawyers were involved as my ex never wanted to deal with the lawyers.

Our 1 year separation was up in June 2008 and my husband was telling me for a year that he is working on the divorce forms that they were too complicated, that it was overwhelming, etc. Finally, 2 days ago he filed for uncontested divorce and the forms have been served to me. I have not signed any papers yet.

My ex was making almost 2.5 times more than I was when we signed the separation agreement and I was working at that time.

I lost my job in March 2008 and have been unemployed since - 15 months. My unemployment is running out in 10 weeks. In the last 15 months I have been living off unemployment (covers 1/4 of my expenses) and savings/money from separation. So obviously, I have gone through a lot of money during that time.

My questions are:
1. My rights from separation to now?
2. What were the things I should have/could have done or claimed before?
3. What are my rights now in the current situation?
4. What am I entitled to now?
5. What should be my next steps?

Someone recommended me to talk to my husband and tell him that we could agree on some monthly sum alimony while I am not working and do the addendum to the separation agreement incorporating it and thus still proceed with the uncontested divorce. Otherwise, to file for judicial intervention and go to court and see what the judge would decide.

And if you think, that I would not be entitled to anything or would have difficult time getting anything, please let me know too.

Thanks a lot!!!!!
NYCLADY

[Dogmatique]

You may be entitled to a short period of rehabilitative alimony, but there are several factors involved in addition to the length of the marriage (which is 8 years based upon the actual date of separation). Yours and his income/earnings potential will matter, education, etc., etc. Then again you might not receive alimony at all.


You haven't been able to find any work in these past 15 months?

[nyclady]

I worked in real estate before, as well as account management in business process outsourcing. Both industries are not really hiring right now, and I have been struggling even to get interviews. Hard to get interviews in other areas where I do not have experience. A lot of times, the jobs I have interviewed - the salaries are half of what I was making before (which was not a lot) and I get disqualified.

My husband has always been making more as he is in the IT industry and he is pretty senior at his company.

I guess I am wondering whether I should try take some action or whether it would be more of a waste of time and money trying to get temporary alimony while I am looking for a job.

Thanks
NYCLady

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by nyclady

I worked in real estate before, as well as account management in business process outsourcing. Both industries are not really hiring right now, and I have been struggling even to get interviews. Hard to get interviews in other areas where I do not have experience. A lot of times, the jobs I have interviewed - the salaries are half of what I was making before (which was not a lot) and I get disqualified.

My husband has always been making more as he is in the IT industry and he is pretty senior at his company.

I guess I am wondering whether I should try take some action or whether it would be more of a waste of time and money trying to get temporary alimony while I am looking for a job.

Thanks
NYCLady

What's wrong with this picture??

You lose your job and expect to be paid just because you are getting a divorce?

Using that logic, if your husband lost his job you would expect to have to pay him just because that's the way it works when people divorce, RIGHT??

What will you do in the future when you are single and lose your job?

My advice: Get a job instead of sitting at a computer looking for easy money!!

[Dogmatique]

Bali does have a point, OP. While it might not be in your chosen field, there is work out there; it's neither practical nor reasonable to rely on alimony until you find work.

What would you do if a judge were to rule against you?

[nyclady]

Hey guys,

I totally see your opinions about my job, etc. But those seem to be your personal opinions and thus are not answering any of my questions.

It's not like I have not been looking for a job. I have and continue to do so - which is not easy in this market. And taking a job that pays half of my original salary - would make it really hard to move to a higher paying job later, which means, I would end up where I was 10 years ago in terms of salary which is not a lot to pay the bills which are pretty high in NYC. Is it worth it? And those people generally do not want me either, as they think I would leave the second I find a higher paying job.

My question is more what happens if I go to court and whether I am likely to get the temporary alimony? I am asking for an objective view of what would happen.

Thanks,

NYCLady

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by nyclady

Hey guys,

I totally see your opinions about my job, etc. But those seem to be your personal opinions and thus are not answering any of my questions.

It's not like I have not been looking for a job. I have and continue to do so - which is not easy in this market. And taking a job that pays half of my original salary - would make it really hard to move to a higher paying job later, which means, I would end up where I was 10 years ago in terms of salary which is not a lot to pay the bills which are pretty high in NYC. Is it worth it? And those people generally do not want me either, as they think I would leave the second I find a higher paying job.

My question is more what happens if I go to court and whether I am likely to get the temporary alimony? I am asking for an objective view of what would happen.

Thanks,

NYCLady

Ahhh, you want a prediction of what might happen in court.

<rummage rummage rummage>

I'm sorry - the FA Crystal Ball has managed to slip out of her normal resting place...

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by nyclady

Hi everyone,

I am wondering if I could be entitled to alimony/support payments in NYC?

My husband and I got married in 1999. He had an affair with a co-worker in 2003 which I found about right away and our marriage fell apart right after that. We lived separate lives since 2003 but under the same roof and recently I found out that my husband has been on and off with the same woman for the last 6 years. We signed a separation agreement in June of 2007, but based on the August 2006 financials. It was the forms my husband found online, he went through our financials, divided the assets and we signed the forms and got them notarized. No lawyers were involved as my ex never wanted to deal with the lawyers.

Our 1 year separation was up in June 2008 and my husband was telling me for a year that he is working on the divorce forms that they were too complicated, that it was overwhelming, etc. Finally, 2 days ago he filed for uncontested divorce and the forms have been served to me. I have not signed any papers yet.

My ex was making almost 2.5 times more than I was when we signed the separation agreement and I was working at that time.

I lost my job in March 2008 and have been unemployed since - 15 months. My unemployment is running out in 10 weeks. In the last 15 months I have been living off unemployment (covers 1/4 of my expenses) and savings/money from separation. So obviously, I have gone through a lot of money during that time.

My questions are:
1. My rights from separation to now?
2. What were the things I should have/could have done or claimed before?
3. What are my rights now in the current situation?
4. What am I entitled to now?
5. What should be my next steps?

Someone recommended me to talk to my husband and tell him that we could agree on some monthly sum alimony while I am not working and do the addendum to the separation agreement incorporating it and thus still proceed with the uncontested divorce. Otherwise, to file for judicial intervention and go to court and see what the judge would decide.

And if you think, that I would not be entitled to anything or would have difficult time getting anything, please let me know too.

Thanks a lot!!!!!
NYCLADY

Originally Posted by nyclady

I worked in real estate before, as well as account management in business process outsourcing. Both industries are not really hiring right now, and I have been struggling even to get interviews. Hard to get interviews in other areas where I do not have experience. A lot of times, the jobs I have interviewed - the salaries are half of what I was making before (which was not a lot) and I get disqualified.

My husband has always been making more as he is in the IT industry and he is pretty senior at his company.

I guess I am wondering whether I should try take some action or whether it would be more of a waste of time and money trying to get temporary alimony while I am looking for a job.

Thanks
NYCLady

Originally Posted by nyclady

Hey guys,

I totally see your opinions about my job, etc. But those seem to be your personal opinions and thus are not answering any of my questions.

It's not like I have not been looking for a job. I have and continue to do so - which is not easy in this market. And taking a job that pays half of my original salary - would make it really hard to move to a higher paying job later, which means, I would end up where I was 10 years ago in terms of salary which is not a lot to pay the bills which are pretty high in NYC. Is it worth it? And those people generally do not want me either, as they think I would leave the second I find a higher paying job.

My question is more what happens if I go to court and whether I am likely to get the temporary alimony? I am asking for an objective view of what would happen.

Thanks,

NYCLady

Quoted . .

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by nyclady

Hey guys,

I totally see your opinions about my job, etc. But those seem to be your personal opinions and thus are not answering any of my questions.

It's not like I have not been looking for a job. I have and continue to do so - which is not easy in this market. And taking a job that pays half of my original salary - would make it really hard to move to a higher paying job later, which means, I would end up where I was 10 years ago in terms of salary which is not a lot to pay the bills which are pretty high in NYC. Is it worth it? And those people generally do not want me either, as they think I would leave the second I find a higher paying job.

My question is more what happens if I go to court and whether I am likely to get the temporary alimony? I am asking for an objective view of what would happen.
Thanks,

NYCLady

You're likely to be asked a LOT of questions as to why you can't/don't support your ownself.

By judgemental people.

[nyclady]

No, not looking for a crystal ball decision either.

Just curious if anyone has an opinion I would get anything if I tried... And if there is not a chance of getting anything, I would not even bother.

And to be honest, I would not have even looked for alimony, but I feel my husband has been messing around for the last 6 years telling me that he wanted to get together, etc. that he was going through severe depression and anxiety for the last 6 years, trying to get sympathy from me all these years, while being with his former co-worker and he is still asking if I would like to get back together.

Hey, he could have filed for divorce 6 years ago if he wanted to be with her. Recently he told me that he did not bother filing for 6 years as he was not ready to marry his gf and he is still not over our relationship. If I knew the circumstances that he was with his mistress at the time of our official separation 2 years ago, I would have got a lawyer then and I am sure I would have done better, as I trusted my ex and let him do all the paperwork 2 years ago as I was going through too much stress and was really sick and could not deal with all that stuff. Well, I guess I should have been smarter then!!! I admit - my fault!

[nyclady]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

You're likely to be asked a LOT of questions as to why you can't/don't support your ownself.

By judgemental people.

I have been supporting myself since separation but since I have been on unemployment for the last 15 months, and the unemployment rate is 9.4%, do judges take that into a consideration?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by nyclady

I have been supporting myself since separation but since I have been on unemployment for the last 15 months, and the unemployment rate is 9.4%, do judges take that into a consideration?

The unemployment rate is not one of the factors for a court's consideration in determining an alimony award.

Nor is the fact that you are female and considered a minority a factor either.

[nyclady]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

The unemployment rate is not one of the factors for a court's consideration in determining an alimony award.

Nor is the fact that you are female and considered a minority a factor either.

Bali Hai,

So your point is that whatever was agreed in the separation agreement, is pretty final and not worth pursuing the matter further? Thanks!

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by nyclady

Bali Hai,

So your point is that whatever was agreed in the separation agreement, is pretty final and not worth pursuing the matter further? Thanks!

Are you sure you're in NYC, or Jersey???

[Dogmatique]

And taking a job that pays half of my original salary - would make it really hard to move to a higher paying job later, which means, I would end up where I was 10 years ago in terms of salary which is not a lot to pay the bills which are pretty high in NYC. Is it worth it?

Here's the thing. If you are going to ask for alimony you're not going to be the one judging whether it's worth it or not for you to take lower-paying jobs. If this was a custody/cs case (which I know it isn't) you could well be perceived as being deliberately un- or underemployed and there's every chance a judge would have the same opinion if you filed suit for alimony.

You might have to do what millions of others have to do during/after a divorce and downsize.