Can we marry?

[km76]

What is the name of your state? CA

My situation is a little complicated, but I was hoping to get a little advice.

I had a very easy divorce even though the marriage lasted 11 years. We're still friends and I'm friends with his new wife. I'm now engaged to a man I've been living with for two years. We both really want to get married, and we had our hearts set on this month.

The problem with that is, my fiance is now beginning the process of taking his ex back to court to try to get some of his payments reduced. My fiance's ex wife filed for divorce, he didn't get a lawyer. He was naive and didn't think it was necessary. (Just FYI - he and I didn't know each other until after their divorce)

In addition to child support for two kids, he was ordered to pay alimony until she remarries, health insurance for the ex until she remarries or gets a job that provides equal coverage to what she receives through him, and he has to continue paying for a life insurance policy on him that was originally taken out to pay for their house should he die.

The amounts for support and alimony were calculated on a year when my fiance made a lot of money. His profession is dependent on weather and the housing market. We all know how the housing market has been lately. Last year he made almost $20,000 less than he did the year they divorced. Needless to say, it's been very hard for us to live on what's left after all his payments are made - even with the money I make.

It's been over 2 years and she hasn't even tried to look for a job. She and the two children live with her parents and she has no plans to move out. She has no bills to pay other than her cell phone bill. She dates occasionally, but admits to never wanting to remarry. While these things are infuriating to me and they seem just plain wrong, I know that there's a good chance nothing will change for the better (for us). Just for the record, he has no desire to reduce the child support payments.

I'm sorry I had to go into so much background information to get to my actual question. Like I said earlier, we had planned to marry this month. He has two consultations with two different attorneys in early March. Now we're wondering if we should postpone the wedding until after the court situations are settled. We're not sure how our being married could affect the case, but we wanted to try to find out some possibilities.

Both of us really want the marriage as soon as possible. The biggest reason is that we just want to be married, but there are other reasons as well. I was just hoping to get a little insight from others before making a decision.

Thanks in advance for any help, and I'm sorry for the long post!

[mommyof4]

Why would his legal obligations for CS and alimony have anything to do with whether you marry or not? Well, outside of the obvious financial hardship.

Yes, you can get married. It won't have any impact on his obligations.

[Silverplum]

He'd need to post the exact wording of that portion of his decree to get accurate help. For instance, does the decree term the alimony "modifiable" or "nonmodifiable"?

His X can do as she pleases, within the law.

Of course you two can marry. Just don't mix up your money-pots for a while yet.

[km76]

Thanks, guys

The money is what we were concerned about. Are we going to be able to keep our money separate, or my pay automatically be considered "our" money by the courts?

[mommyof4]

Quoting Silverplum:

Just don't mix up your money-pots for a while yet.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by km76

Thanks, guys

The money is what we were concerned about. Are we going to be able to keep our money separate, or my pay automatically be considered "our" money by the courts?

No, your pay will not be considered to be joint money by the courts....unless of course you and he are planning to do something stupid like him quiting his job or being under employed to attempt to reduce his payments to his ex. That is the one instance where a court might look to a spouse's income to determine an imputation to the obligee.

Otherwise, your income, if you keep it separate, is safe.

[SHORTY LONG]

LdiJ, side-bar please without disrespect to the Forum or the [op].

I like your signature; and it has been said that, "a drunk man's words
are a sober man's thought." So absolutely there is truth in the wine.