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  #1  
Old 04-01-2009, 10:09 PM
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child support continued....

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? va

my ex and I are only separated. we have been separated for over 10 years. He is in a new relationship, but has his home and assets all in his partners name (and the partner is a man).

He has court ordered child support that will end when my youngest graduates hs. I want to get him to continue paying support while the children are in college- how should I approach that?
  #2  
Old 04-02-2009, 08:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryt View Post
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? va

my ex and I are only separated. we have been separated for over 10 years. He is in a new relationship, but has his home and assets all in his partners name (and the partner is a man).

He has court ordered child support that will end when my youngest graduates hs. I want to get him to continue paying support while the children are in college- how should I approach that?
Why should he pay support for ADULTS?
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  #3  
Old 04-02-2009, 11:02 AM
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Because they are in college and they are not adults. I still support them while they are in school.
  #4  
Old 04-02-2009, 11:10 AM
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If they are 18 and older, YES they are LEGAL adults.

Just because you are paying their bills doesn't mean Dad has to.

They can get student loans and a job like a lot of kids do. It will teach them the value of hard work and appreciation for accomplishing their educational goals.

College is not a guaranteed free ride. If you wanted that, you should have had them try to get sports or academic scholarships.
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  #5  
Old 04-02-2009, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Perryt View Post
Because they are in college and they are not adults. I still support them while they are in school.
That's YOUR choice, you are under no legal obligation to do so. Because it's YOUR choice, doesn't mean you get to make it your ex's choice.
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Originally Posted by sandyclaus View Post
CourtClerk is right.
  #6  
Old 04-02-2009, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Perryt View Post
Because they are in college and they are not adults. I still support them while they are in school.
If they are 18 and over then they are adults. Child support ends at HS graduation.
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Parents should remember three things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) & when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you & how you treat your children determines what type of nursing home you end up in.


Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. The devil is in the details after all.

Licensed to practice law in Ohio and a Guardian Ad Litem for children
  #7  
Old 04-02-2009, 12:27 PM
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There are states where child support continues through age 21. However, Virginia is not one of them, and moving now will not help because the court order will still be based in Virginia.

Is the relationship between the father and the children not strong enough that he will help pay for college voluntarily?
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  #8  
Old 04-02-2009, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by thedoctorisin View Post
Is the relationship between the father and the children not strong enough that he will help pay for college voluntarily?
Why does this have to have anything to do with the relationship between father and the children? Heck, my parents had WONDERFUL relationships with their kids.... and they still didn't pay for us to go to college. They didn't have to. They didn't want to. They wanted to go to Europe instead.
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Originally Posted by sandyclaus View Post
CourtClerk is right.
  #9  
Old 04-02-2009, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by CourtClerk View Post
Why does this have to have anything to do with the relationship between father and the children? Heck, my parents had WONDERFUL relationships with their kids.... and they still didn't pay for us to go to college. They didn't have to. They didn't want to. They wanted to go to Europe instead.
In my personal experience, I've noticed a correlation between divorced parents paying for college and the strength of the parent-child relationship. For example, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law had an acrimonious divorce, involving a fair amount of parental alienation, so now I am paying to put my niece through college.

It isn't a 100% correlation by any means. My parents (not divorced) didn't pay for my college.

However, since in the OP's case there is no legal reason why the father should pay for the child's college, I'm trying to explore viable alternative resolutions.
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  #10  
Old 04-02-2009, 05:58 PM
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Court Clerk, respectfully, you are a little narrow minded. I'm a PhD in social science and my ex is an engineer. We can, and believe in, paying for our kids way through college. I am not having an issue over that. I do, however, continue to maintain a household for the kids while they are in college, and I believe that he should continue maintenance until such time that they are out of the home.

There is a correlation between parental attachment and willingness to pay for expenses- I simply wanted to know if there would be a legal obligation for him to continue, or if I would have to obtain this from him voluntarily- and it seems in VA it would be voluntarily.

And yes- this will be an issue because as much as he is willing to help them individually, he has no interest in helping me with my end of the parenting. He is a selfish &$#.

As for my kids learning responsibility- that's what college is for. They will learn more about being responsible adults when they have nurturing and caring parents who help them into adulthood. But that's another forum..... Thanks.
  #11  
Old 04-02-2009, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryt View Post
Court Clerk, respectfully, you are a little narrow minded. I'm a PhD in social science and my ex is an engineer. We can, and believe in, paying for our kids way through college. I am not having an issue over that. I do, however, continue to maintain a household for the kids while they are in college, and I believe that he should continue maintenance until such time that they are out of the home.

There is a correlation between parental attachment and willingness to pay for expenses- I simply wanted to know if there would be a legal obligation for him to continue, or if I would have to obtain this from him voluntarily- and it seems in VA it would be voluntarily.

And yes- this will be an issue because as much as he is willing to help them individually, he has no interest in helping me with my end of the parenting. He is a selfish &$#.

As for my kids learning responsibility- that's what college is for. They will learn more about being responsible adults when they have nurturing and caring parents who help them into adulthood. But that's another forum..... Thanks.
you are NOT legally REQUIRED to provide a household for adults to go to college. dad is NOT legally required to help you in YOUR choice. dad can help any adults he wants to.

dad is NOT selfish. he's just not generous in a manner YOU seem fit. he is not legally REQUIRED TO HELP YOU WITH anything!

would it be nice? yes. but he doesn't have to. and NOT doing so, doesn't make him selfish.
  #12  
Old 04-02-2009, 06:20 PM
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Exclamation
I thought this was a forum about legal advice, not relationship or parenting advice. I respectfully disagree, but that's your issue...thanks.
  #13  
Old 04-02-2009, 06:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CourtClerk View Post
Why does this have to have anything to do with the relationship between father and the children? Heck, my parents had WONDERFUL relationships with their kids.... and they still didn't pay for us to go to college. They didn't have to. They didn't want to. They wanted to go to Europe instead.
Agreed! We had a GREAT relationship with our parents, and they did not pay for our college educations. My dad had a great relationship with his parents, and they didn't pay for his college, either. Hubby paid for his own college also.

And I don't intend to pay for my child's college education., either. I may offer to help, but I'm sure not telling her I'm paying her way. Besides, at age 70, her Daddy may not want to work full time anymore when she starts college.. Whether we pay for college or not, she'll have been provided a great start to life -due to us -that she wouldn't otherwise have had.
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  #14  
Old 04-02-2009, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Perryt View Post
I thought this was a forum about legal advice, not relationship or parenting advice. I respectfully disagree, but that's your issue...thanks.
LEGALLY he has no responsibility to supplement your gifts to your ADULT children. That is YOUR issue.
__________________
Parents should remember three things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) & when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you & how you treat your children determines what type of nursing home you end up in.


Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. The devil is in the details after all.

Licensed to practice law in Ohio and a Guardian Ad Litem for children
  #15  
Old 04-02-2009, 09:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryt View Post
I'm a PhD in social science...
Can you get a refund?

Quote:
As for my kids learning responsibility- that's what college is for.
It's not the institution's responsibility to teach YOUR children responsibility. They should already have learned that before getting there.
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