In Contempt & Now Fired from Job

[pincushion]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY
I am currently a full-time student. I will become self-supporting. Married 14 years and a full-time homemaker. I abandoned my highest incoming earning potential years for him at his insistance. He abandoned me, our home and financial responsibilities for another woman; took all our savings and has run his and my life into the ground with his escapades. We have kids from prev. marriages. He pays child support for two near adults. STBX was ordered to pay me pendente lite mid-Jan. Was in contempt almost immediately for not coming forth with financial documents, and payments ordered. The support he pays is my main means of of support. It is just enough to pay the household bills and we are currently in default on the mortgage. I'm trying to get that caught up; sending them what I can. We are now on the brink foreclosure. I am financing my education with my own student loans. I also have a low-paying weekend part-time job. This is just enough to pay my gas back and forth to campus and coffee if I'm lucky. He is not paying real estate taxes, past-due state income taxes (due to results of audits in 04, 05) he was ordered to pay. The Judge asked his attorney to agree to paying my attorney's fees. Said if he didn't agree the judge would order him to pay. So the contempt hearing is fast approaching. Heard through the rumor mill that he was fired from his 200k+/yr. job yesterday! I'm suspicious or paranoid or both but even considering the present state of the economy his job was secure to the best of my knowledge. I mean he received a 20k bonus in the last quarter of the year. I understand anything could have happened and hear-say again says he's been screwing up bad. Anyway, what's to be expected at court? I have only updated my attorney of this situation via email and will tele-conference with him Mon. Lay it on me straight, please. Just common sense tells me this is not good for my hoped-for present and future spousal support receipts. Can't get blood from a stone, right? What might the judge think of this? My STBX has to be distraught at the loss of his job but he is also jumping for joy over the probable impact to me. Thank You.

[stealth2]

Speaking honestly, you likely need to either go to school p/t or put school on hold completely for the time being - in either case picking up work that covers more than your gas and coffee (btw - buy a travel mug and make coffee at home - you can't afford to be buying it out!). You obviously cannot count on your ex to meet his obligations, so you will have to do what you can to support yourself.

[pincushion]

Thank You. But...please, I am in the middle of a college semester. I absolutely know that next semester may have to be postponed until the outcome of all this has revealed itself. Eventually, he will have to get back to work, too, and adjustments through the court system will have to be made considering my status and his as far as income is concerned, right? How can he gain from me working a min. wage job? Not that much it seems. He has the potential to earn much more than I can. Look, I know this would be a cloud over my head for the rest of my life if I were to constantly pursue his non-compliance. I don't want that. I'm getting over the initial shock of his abandonment, going to counseling, and I thought I was doing the right thing by both of us by going to school to improve my life and increase my income earning potential. As for the coffee, I do take a travel mug everyday and subsequently empty it before the day is done. I need more and that's why I end up running to the cafeteria. I guess I could become a tea drinker and bring my own tea bags if I have to. But wait, I'm not going to have to worry about that when he takes the car or it's repossessed. I won't have a way to get to school. I really feel I'm in crisis mode again.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by pincushion

Thank You. But...please, I am in the middle of a college semester. I absolutely know that next semester may have to be postponed until the outcome of all this has revealed itself. Eventually, he will have to get back to work, too, and adjustments through the court system will have to be made considering my status and his as far as income is concerned, right? How can he gain from me working a min. wage job? Not that much it seems. He has the potential to earn much more than I can. Look, I know this would be a cloud over my head for the rest of my life if I were to constantly pursue his non-compliance. I don't want that. I'm getting over the initial shock of his abandonment, going to counseling, and I thought I was doing the right thing by both of us by going to school to improve my life and increase my income earning potential. As for the coffee, I do take a travel mug everyday and subsequently empty it before the day is done. I need more and that's why I end up running to the cafeteria. I guess I could become a tea drinker and bring my own tea bags if I have to. But wait, I'm not going to have to worry about that when he takes the car or it's repossessed. I won't have a way to get to school. I really feel I'm in crisis mode again.

I understand that you are in the middle of the semester, and that if you drop out now you are stuck with student loans for the tuition etc., for nothing. Therefore I do encourage you to finish the semester, particularly since you have less than two months to go.

However, you also need to accept some reality as well. Clearly you are not going to be able to count on support from your husband....not if he is so far gone that he would allow himself to tank a 200k job.

Obviously you cannot keep the house, therefore putting money towards that is not the right thing to be doing when you are in crisis mode. Obviously you need the car so putting money towards that IS the right thing to do when you are in crisis mode.

You need to be downsizing as much as possible...get rid of anything that isn't absolutely necessary. You need to be applying for any state assistance that you can get, you need to work as many hours as you reasonably can, and you need to consider moving in with family if you have any in the area.

[pincushion]

You're right. Downsizing has to take priority and I am going to do just that anyway and anywhere I can. I have to get through this semester. I'll get through this somehow. I don't want to live dependent on his action or non-actions for that matter. It is the reality I'm facing and at least I still have "me". Again, thanks for your response.