Current living conditions versus expected living conditions...

[trevorw]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I am getting divorced and we are going through the paperwork of trying to file this ourselves but I am getting hung up on the spousal support. Here are the supporting details:

We've been married 19 years (so I expect permanent alimony) with a daughter who will be 18 in February. My income is about $140K/yr and hers is about $42K/yr. We have been living apart for the past 19 months and I have been contributing about $4300/mo for the upkeep and mortgage payments for the house and basically everything else. She gets about $2k/mo in salary.

She wants $48K/yr alimony and I want to pay $36K/yr based on selling the big house and having her and the daughter move into an apartment. Based on that sale and move, I believe that their standard of living will be basically the same as it is now...the only change being different living location.

Am I completely off the rails here? I appreciate any advice at all.

Thanks

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I am getting divorced and we are going through the paperwork of trying to file this ourselves but I am getting hung up on the spousal support. Here are the supporting details:

We've been married 19 years (so I expect permanent alimony) with a daughter who will be 18 in February. My income is about $140K/yr and hers is about $42K/yr. We have been living apart for the past 19 months and I have been contributing about $4300/mo for the upkeep and mortgage payments for the house and basically everything else. She gets about $2k/mo in salary.

She wants $48K/yr alimony and I want to pay $36K/yr based on selling the big house and having her and the daughter move into an apartment. Based on that sale and move, I believe that their standard of living will be basically the same as it is now...the only change being different living location.

Am I completely off the rails here? I appreciate any advice at all.

Thanks

She makes a decent wage and has been surviving for the past 19 months on it. Why do you feel you should offer any alimony at all?? This is a poor decision. You should force the court to order the alimonys so you can't be told later down the roa when you lose your job or she wins the lottery, "well you have to keep paying because YOU agreed to it"!!

Do us husbands and ex-husbands a favor and break the alimony cycle. Offer no alimony!!

 

[Zigner]

She makes a decent wage and has been surviving for the past 19 months on it.

Bali -
Our OP said: "...and I have been contributing about $4300/mo for the upkeep and mortgage payments for the house and basically everything else. "

So, the STBX has NOT been surviving on her salary alone for the last 19 months...

 

[Bali Hai]

Bali -
Our OP said: "...and I have been contributing about $4300/mo for the upkeep and mortgage payments for the house and basically everything else. "

So, the STBX has NOT been surviving on her salary alone for the last 19 months...

And OP erronously thought that being nice to the stbx would be in his favor!! HA!!

 

[Zigner]

And OP erronously thought that being nice to the stbx would be in his favor!! HA!!

He's currently paying $51,600 and she's asking for $48,000. He's offering $36,000 (whether you like it or not, he's comfortable with that).

OP, why don't you meat halfway at $42,000?

 

[Bali Hai]

He's currently paying $51,600 and she's asking for $48,000. He's offering $36,000 (whether you like it or not, he's comfortable with that).

OP, why don't you meat halfway at $42,000?

Because he doesn't have to do anything!

He is trying to impress the court that he is being civil in this matter and is expecting to gain something from it. That will get him no-where.

If he goes to court with an offer of $36k the judge will see it absolutely your way and order $42k to be "fair".

If he goes to court with an offer of $0 based on the fact that she has a decent paying job and has been on her own just fine for 19 months, he can't be any worse off than if he whimped out.

 

[LdiJ]

Because he doesn't have to do anything!

He is trying to impress the court that he is being civil in this matter and is expecting to gain something from it. That will get him no-where.

If he goes to court with an offer of $36k the judge will see it absolutely your way and order $42k to be "fair".

If he goes to court with an offer of $0 based on the fact that she has a decent paying job and has been on her own just fine for 19 months, he can't be any worse off than if he whimped out.

If attempts that stupid stunt Bali, then he is likely to be stuck with the 4300.00 a month he has been paying now...based on status quo.

I think that trying to offer 42k is a good idea at this point.

 

[Bali Hai]

If attempts that stupid stunt Bali, then he is likely to be stuck with the 4300.00 a month he has been paying now...based on status quo.

I think that trying to offer 42k is a good idea at this point.

Boy, you sure can do a quick FLIP on issues. You responded in several other threads that since the HUSBAND had been on his own for a period of time that the WOMAN should not offer alimony!!

I also remind you that the majority of the husbands support since the separation has gone into upkeep and mortgage payments on the marital home that is being sold and divided.

She makes $42K per year and she needs to DOUBLE that amount on what basis??

If it were the husband who was asking for this rediculous amount of alimony you would have all kinds of reasons why he shouldn't prevail.

I know that you are trying very hard to be gender neutral, and it is a huge struggle for you because I believe that you are an honest person and just can't be something that your not.

 

[LdiJ]

Boy, you sure can do a quick FLIP on issues. You responded in several other threads that since the HUSBAND had been on his own for a period of time that the WOMAN should not offer alimony!!

Bali, for crissakes she has been living on her own, but she has NOT been supporting herself on her own. He has been providing 4300.00 per month in support the whole time!

If she had been living on her own, supporting herself fully on her own income for 19 months, then it might have been a different story. However, she has NOT.

I also remind you that the majority of the husbands support since the separation has gone into upkeep and mortgage payments on the marital home that is being sold and divided.

You are assuming facts not in evidence.

She makes $42K per year and she needs to DOUBLE that amount on what basis??

If it were the husband who was asking for this rediculous amount of alimony you would have all kinds of reasons why he shouldn't prevail.

The income differential. This isn't a case where he makes 60k and she makes 40k. Its a case where he makes 140k and she makes 40k.

I know that you are trying very hard to be gender neutral, and it is a huge struggle for you because I believe that you are an honest person and just can't be something that your not.

Bali, I look at each case individually, based on the facts of that particular case.

There is status quo here Bali, and a huge income differential.

 

[Bali Hai]

Bali, for crissakes she has been living on her own, but she has NOT been supporting herself on her own. He has been providing 4300.00 per month in support the whole time!

If she had been living on her own, supporting herself fully on her own income for 19 months, then it might have been a different story. However, she has NOT.



You are assuming facts not in evidence.



The income differential. This isn't a case where he makes 60k and she makes 40k. Its a case where he makes 140k and she makes 40k.



Bali, I look at each case individually, based on the facts of that particular case.

There is status quo here Bali, and a huge income differential.

Well Op, you heard it from the Queen of Legal Advice and she's right. The judge is going consider that your stbx needs this money because you were the nice guy who thought it would give you some kind of good faith standing in court.

You have the "ability to pay".

However, 140 minus 42 = $98 / 2 = $49k to equalize the earnings. The court COULD award alimony based on these figures but VERY RARELY do so.

She doesn't need lifetime support, so get that stupid notion out of your head.

My final offer would be something close to what a judge might order: $20k annually for 1/3the length of the marriage.

 

[LdiJ]

Well Op, you heard it from the Queen of Legal Advice and she's right. The judge is going consider that your stbx needs this money because you were the nice guy who thought it would give you some kind of good faith standing in court.

You have the "ability to pay".

However, 140 minus 42 = $98 / 2 = $49k to equalize the earnings. The court COULD award alimony based on these figures but VERY RARELY do so.

She doesn't need lifetime support, so get that stupid notion out of your head.

My final offer would be something close to what a judge might order: $20k annually for 1/3the length of the marriage.

OP, please don't listen to Bali. Consult with an attorney, but please do not listen to Bali. Following his advice will cost you a ton of money in legal fees and very likely a result that you won't like.

 

[Bali Hai]

OP, please don't listen to Bali. Consult with an attorney, but please do not listen to Bali. Following his advice will cost you a ton of money in legal fees and very likely a result that you won't like.

That's right OP, don't listen to Bali.

When you're paying $42k for life to an able-bodied person capable of earning their own living, that will get very old in a hurry, and, remember you didn't listen to Bali!

When you lose your job and are expected to keep paying or lose your house and other assets remember you didn't listen to Bali!

When she decides she is going to "retire" and takes you to court for more money because you have the "ability to pay", remember you didn't listen to Bali!

When you come back to this site asking how to reduce or eliminate alimony payments because you need the money to treat your serious illness 15 years from now, you won't hear from Bali!

When you look back after all those years of paying and when you're lying on your death bed, tired and broke, you'll wonder why you didn't fight harder to keep the leech off your back, you won't hear from Bali!