Deadbeat MOM

[skymick@mac.com]

What is the name of your state? New York.....Hi, I have had custody of my son for 14 years. Although we call it joint custody to preserve my ex's self esteem, I have physical custody and only give her spousal maintenance. In 14 years I have never missed a payment nor have I been late. Although I loathe giving her money it is a small price to pay for the bond and times I have shared with my boy. I am remarried with two other children. She is single and has not grown up at all. Our divorce contract states she take our son every Wednesday after school till after dinner, and every other Friday afternoon till Sunday night. We split Summer vacation time and school breaks. She has never once taken him on Fridays refusing to shuttle him to his Saturday activities and does not take him for the vacations and school breaks as well. Let it also be known that his mother does not work, sleeps till 12 and has issues with alcohol and pot. The money she gets from me supports those habits. Here is my question. My financial situation has taken a turn for the worse and my son is a year away from college. Can I seek termination of spousal support based on the fact she has not lived up to her visitation obligation and my financial change. I only give her $9200 per year which she could easily recoup if she gets a job.What is the name of your state?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by skymick@mac.com

What is the name of your state? New York.....Hi, I have had custody of my son for 14 years. Although we call it joint custody to preserve my ex's self esteem, I have physical custody and only give her spousal maintenance. In 14 years I have never missed a payment nor have I been late. Although I loathe giving her money it is a small price to pay for the bond and times I have shared with my boy. I am remarried with two other children. She is single and has not grown up at all. Our divorce contract states she take our son every Wednesday after school till after dinner, and every other Friday afternoon till Sunday night. We split Summer vacation time and school breaks. She has never once taken him on Fridays refusing to shuttle him to his Saturday activities and does not take him for the vacations and school breaks as well. Let it also be known that his mother does not work, sleeps till 12 and has issues with alcohol and pot. The money she gets from me supports those habits. Here is my question. My financial situation has taken a turn for the worse and my son is a year away from college. Can I seek termination of spousal support based on the fact she has not lived up to her visitation obligation and my financial change. I only give her $9200 per year which she could easily recoup if she gets a job.What is the name of your state?

Spousal support has absolutely nothing to do with the child. Therefore no, her lack of visitation would not impact spousal support at all.

Your changed financial situation might have an impact on spousal support, however you should take your existing court orders and run them by a local attorney, who can see the full language of the order.

[Blue Meanie]

What does you Decree state regarding modification of Alimony? How old is your son? Why not go for child support?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by skymick@mac.com

What is the name of your state? New York.....Hi, I have had custody of my son for 14 years. Although we call it joint custody to preserve my ex's self esteem, I have physical custody and only give her spousal maintenance. In 14 years I have never missed a payment nor have I been late. Although I loathe giving her money it is a small price to pay for the bond and times I have shared with my boy. I am remarried with two other children. She is single and has not grown up at all. Our divorce contract states she take our son every Wednesday after school till after dinner, and every other Friday afternoon till Sunday night. We split Summer vacation time and school breaks. She has never once taken him on Fridays refusing to shuttle him to his Saturday activities and does not take him for the vacations and school breaks as well. Let it also be known that his mother does not work, sleeps till 12 and has issues with alcohol and pot. The money she gets from me supports those habits. Here is my question. My financial situation has taken a turn for the worse and my son is a year away from college. Can I seek termination of spousal support based on the fact she has not lived up to her visitation obligation and my financial change. I only give her $9200 per year which she could easily recoup if she gets a job.What is the name of your state?

What does your divorce "contract" say about alimony? You "only" give her $9200 per year?? That's $9200 that could be better spent on your son's education in my opinion!!

The alimony has no legal bearing on her idiotic behaviour.

[tuffbrk]

You should consider requesting child support or an increase in child support based upon the limited # of overnights spent with your son. Also - what does your divorce decree say with regard to college tuition?

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by baystategirl

What does you Decree state regarding modification of Alimony? How old is your son? Why not go for child support?

And HURRY up!!

[skymick@mac.com]

Thank you for all of the input. My contract does not allow for me to get child support. It was a small concession I gave to get custody. She sold him to me. The alimony is her only income. I provided her with everything else she needs long ago. She is a sponge and I am the water.

Drowning in NY

[skymick@mac.com]

My decree only states that she gets alimony till he is 21. 14 years ago I did not consider my finances word worsen and all I wanted was my son. I am lucky to have the deal I have. Was just hoping to use that money she gets for college. Will family court lower payments based on the fact that she does not work.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by skymick@mac.com

My decree only states that she gets alimony till he is 21. 14 years ago I did not consider my finances word worsen and all I wanted was my son. I am lucky to have the deal I have. Was just hoping to use that money she gets for college. Will family court lower payments based on the fact that she does not work.

Well you agreed to pay her SS, something that no man should EVER do!!

The court adjusts payment based on your ability to pay. Now think about it, what would the court do if she got a job making $100k per year? That would have a better chance of lowering the payments vs. she has no job at all wouldn't it? But don't kid yourself, she knows how to keep your hard earned money going into her pocket.

As others have advised here, you should be and should have been getting child support all along. This is state mandated and I don't believe can be negotiated away, so I believe that part of your contract is void and you should be getting a lawyer to help you thru this.

[VeronicaLodge]

i didnt know you could contract away child support. after all its for the child not you.

[tuffbrk]

Hmm...something similar for me as well. NO CS but a consideration against the full alimony amount. I had argued for $0 CS as opposed to NO CS as per OG's instructions but it was largely ignored. Instead, alimony was reduced a bit. So...I guess it can be just overlooked (at least in Jersey which is a diff state..)

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

i didnt know you could contract away child support. after all its for the child not you.

You can't. He needs to go back now for his chlid and try for child support.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by tuffbrk

Hmm...something similar for me as well. NO CS but a consideration against the full alimony amount. I had argued for $0 CS as opposed to NO CS as per OG's instructions but it was largely ignored. Instead, alimony was reduced a bit. So...I guess it can be just overlooked (at least in Jersey which is a diff state..)

Try again. If they didn't mention CS at all then he still can be made to pay. Go through CSEA.

[skymick@mac.com]

There is a paragraph in my decree that states if I win a judgement for child support my spousal support to her shall be raised the equivalent amount. as I said before I would have signed anything to have my son. I guess i am stuck paying for three more years.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by skymick@mac.com

There is a paragraph in my decree that states if I win a judgement for child support my spousal support to her shall be raised the equivalent amount. as I said before I would have signed anything to have my son. I guess i am stuck paying for three more years.

Oh Dude...why in the WORLD did you sign that kind of contract? Why did your attorney allow you to sign that kind of contract? Yes, you are absolutely stuck. Child support is fluid and modifiable and you could have easily filed for child support at any time...but when you threw that clause into the divorce agreement, you basically screwed yourself.

At least go get a consult with a local attorney, but I doubt that you have any "outs".