Divorce/alimony

[vivacious vixen]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio.
I am new to posting anything on a forum but I consider my situation where no one wants to get involved except my attorney, of course.
I was married to someone for 11 years. He had paid $2,500 in a support alimony obligation where it was through a dissolution. He is a CPA and always made money working extra at tax season. I held a job for 13 years we were together but had one job for 12 years.
Is there any resitution because I helped him pay the alimony for six years of our relationship?
I was laid off recently.
I had late stage 3 uterine cancer and chemo in 2005. I had been in therapy before and after the cancer. He went with me a total of 4 times in 12 years. I have physical ailments from the chemo and now the pressing mental issues put me back at square one.
I stayed because I trusted him. He did all my family's taxes and we filed joint returns. I cannot tell what his assets are because he handled all the finances and demanded I give my whole pay check for the bills.
He said that if I did not work we would lose the house. my name is on the mortgage also. Turns out I am not working and he is the one with all the income. He wants to send me $600 a month in support while this is happening.

I am in another city from which I lived because my mother is ill and my father is in hospital but needs permanent care. Therefore, their house is going to be sold and I will not have a place to live.
When all this occured, my husband asked me for a divorce. He wanted it settled amicably as before with his first wife: a dissolution but I felt it necessary to tend to my parents. I have been with them for a few weeks now.
My situation does not allow me to go and pack and/or move my things. I have not gotten unemployment as of yet. I applied a few weeks ago. Can I ask that he pay for my moving expense?
He is livid that I got an attorney involved and he had to hire one. What else was I supposed to do. I protected myself immediately but do not know what my next step will be?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[vivacious vixen]

another wrinkle......

Just to add that he admitted to having a girlfriend. I cannot file on infidelity, but I believe he may be in another real estate deal with her which I am unaware. How do I find out?
It seems he has to prove that he cannot support me and he has already lied about what savings account and other money that I have no idea where it went.
As he knows, the situation with my living is temporary. I have no income, how can I get the attorney to move or to get the husband to take action?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio.
I am new to posting anything on a forum but I consider my situation where no one wants to get involved except my attorney, of course.
I was married to someone for 11 years. He had paid $2,500 in a support alimony obligation where it was through a dissolution. He is a CPA and always made money working extra at tax season. I held a job for 13 years we were together but had one job for 12 years.
Is there any resitution because I helped him pay the alimony for six years of our relationship?
I was laid off recently.
I had late stage 3 uterine cancer and chemo in 2005. I had been in therapy before and after the cancer. He went with me a total of 4 times in 12 years. I have physical ailments from the chemo and now the pressing mental issues put me back at square one.
I stayed because I trusted him. He did all my family's taxes and we filed joint returns. I cannot tell what his assets are because he handled all the finances and demanded I give my whole pay check for the bills.
He said that if I did not work we would lose the house. my name is on the mortgage also. Turns out I am not working and he is the one with all the income. He wants to send me $600 a month in support while this is happening.

I am in another city from which I lived because my mother is ill and my father is in hospital but needs permanent care. Therefore, their house is going to be sold and I will not have a place to live.
When all this occured, my husband asked me for a divorce. He wanted it settled amicably as before with his first wife: a dissolution but I felt it necessary to tend to my parents. I have been with them for a few weeks now.
My situation does not allow me to go and pack and/or move my things. I have not gotten unemployment as of yet. I applied a few weeks ago. Can I ask that he pay for my moving expense?
He is livid that I got an attorney involved and he had to hire one. What else was I supposed to do. I protected myself immediately but do not know what my next step will be?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

A lot of issues:

1. You can not recover any money for 'helping' him pay his alimony. You chose to help. OTOH, he can't get any restitution for the food he has bought for you, either.

2. If you don't understand the family finances, you'll have to learn. Your attorney can subpoena all the financial records.

3. You seem to think that you're entitled to his support ("if I didn't work we'd lose the house"). Sorry, but most people have to work to survive. That's life.

4. If your name is on the mortgage, make sure it is removed during the divorce process. Require that he refinance to remove your name.

5. Unless you have officially been declared disabled or lost your job due to circumstances beyond your control, you will not collect unemployment. Rather, it sounds like you're well enough to take care of your parents and voluntarily chose to leave.

6. You can ask for him to pay for anything, but that doesn't mean you'll get it. Your moving expense is your problem. There's nothing stopping you from going back and getting your things - other than it being inconvenient for you.

7. Your next step is to do what your attorney tells you.

Just to add that he admitted to having a girlfriend. I cannot file on infidelity, but I believe he may be in another real estate deal with her which I am unaware. How do I find out?
It seems he has to prove that he cannot support me and he has already lied about what savings account and other money that I have no idea where it went.
As he knows, the situation with my living is temporary. I have no income, how can I get the attorney to move or to get the husband to take action?

Your attorney will do whatever you tell him (and pay him) to do (within reason). You may have to find an attorney who will petition the court to be paid from marital assets. If your attorney isn't doing anything, ask him why not. You can't force your husband to file, but there's nothing stopping you. Presumably, your grounds would be incompatibility, but your attorney may say otherwise.

You believe that he's involved in a real estate deal of which you are unaware? Sounds contradictory, but if there's any substance to your belief, it should come out when your attorney does discovery. If you think he is hiding something, search the real estate records in your county yourself or have the attorney do it.

 

[vivacious vixen]

I understand my entitlement of the law is 1/2 of the assets. he is not being forthright. He offered me a small settlement but it is not the like of which he should pay.
I may have to file for disability should they deny my unemployment. i was laid off for lack of work.
I know about the discovery of assets. it takes time to do.
I just recently filed for divorce, so we are at the beginning stages. I dont know what to expect. Just because I am still in shock about everything.
I also plan on filing for mental and physical abuse.
I also had a job the entire time we were married and before we were married. SO we built the assets together.
He thought I would take the house but I do not have the money because unemployment has not been determined.
He can refi the house but my name is on the deed. Just because I sign it over to him to refi doesnt mean he doesnt owe me 1/2?
I understand the information is free and thank you for your advice.

 

[nextwife]

You are entitled to 1/2 the MARITAL assets and half the MARITAL debts. If you are on title you own half the house, and be entitled to half the equity (and owe half the mortgage).

 

[vivacious vixen]

i suggested he refi. the debt is so that it would not be possible to do that. he is the only one employed. i suggested he cash out his 401k (not using my 1/2 except to pay my 1/2 of bills) he has other available assets that he could conjure enough to pay the debt and do this.
with him the sole owner, he can allow me to get my personal things?
alimony is for starting my life over and to cover living expenses for a certain number of years. i am not requesting permanent support.
he wanted divorce but does not want to be fair. hopefully the courts can enforce it?
i dont know what to expect but surely to end up with nothing?
not sure what to expect. some people have told me this but assurance of the law says the matter of lifestyle support and years of marriage.

 

[mistoffolees]

i suggested he refi. the debt is so that it would not be possible to do that. he is the only one employed. i suggested he cash out his 401k (not using my 1/2 except to pay my 1/2 of bills) he has other available assets that he could conjure enough to pay the debt and do this.
with him the sole owner, he can allow me to get my personal things?
alimony is for starting my life over and to cover living expenses for a certain number of years. i am not requesting permanent support.
he wanted divorce but does not want to be fair. hopefully the courts can enforce it?
i dont know what to expect but surely to end up with nothing?
not sure what to expect. some people have told me this but assurance of the law says the matter of lifestyle support and years of marriage.

You don't get it.

You COULD end up with nothing. The law doesn't guarantee you a living, nor does it guarantee that you'll have anything left after paying your bills.

You are entitled to 1/2 of marital debt and 1/2 of marital assets.

You MAY be entitled to alimony, but there are a lot of factors involved and even if you get it, it's likely to be just a few years, so you need to become independent, anyway.

 

[nextwife]

"Cashing in" a 401k is a really, really BAD idea. Whatever share you get should be rolled over.

Additionally, you are NOT entitled to half his 401K. Only half the MARITAL accrual. And he, half of your marital accrual.

 

[vivacious vixen]

I understand that I cannot request alimony to get on my feet? he made three times as much money over the years. and yes, the retirement is 1/2 because it was accrued over our marriage. 1/2 of the liquid assets.
the autos we have can be sold and divided up the monies received but really do not want to sell the cars.
he has an extensive guitar and beatles collection. i had my sewing machines. if i sell them, he should be required also?

 

[mistoffolees]

I understand that I cannot request alimony to get on my feet? he made three times as much money over the years. and yes, the retirement is 1/2 because it was accrued over our marriage. 1/2 of the liquid assets.
the autos we have can be sold and divided up the monies received but really do not want to sell the cars.
he has an extensive guitar and beatles collection. i had my sewing machines. if i sell them, he should be required also?

No one said you can't request alimony.

Look, if you can't even understand the answers you're being given here, you need to rely on your attorney.

 

[vivacious vixen]

thanks I am new to posting.
the waiting can be the hardest part.
I have a good attorney but he is busy. hard to get the X to be cooperative and agree out of court.
we built our life and assets together but he choose to divorce.
I did read on Ohio law that says alimony is derived from many different ways and financial condition. The money is the main thing right now. I am not asking to hit the lottery but enough so that I can get back on my feet.
I just hope that justice is fair. We will see.

 

[nextwife]

i suggested he cash out his 401k (not using my 1/2 except to pay my 1/2 of bills)

the autos we have can be sold and divided up the monies received but really do not want to sell the cars.
he has an extensive guitar and beatles collection. i had my sewing machines. if i sell them, he should be required also?

Asking that he liquidate everything (cash out 401ks, sell cars, sell personal property etc.) is unfair and unrealistic. Whatever your share of assets may be, you can choose to liquidate, but you are off base thinking everything should be sold. Whatever is settled that you get, you are free to sell. Also personal property brought to the marriage would not be marital. It's not what you, or he "has", it's what is marital.

 

[vivacious vixen]

Thank you

i appreciate your input. This is a disaster for me and not unexpected but you do not know unless you have been married to a narcisstic monster. This is going to end up in a court and hope that everything is fair. At the moment, health issues are arising for me plus he has not paid interim alimony. Thank you all once again for your input and understanding a newbie.

 

[mistoffolees]

i appreciate your input. This is a disaster for me and not unexpected but you do not know unless you have been married to a narcisstic monster.

Believe me, you're not the only one.

However, this board is for legal advice - and for that, it doesn't matter if you're married to the nicest guy in the world or Satan himself. You need to learn to separate emotional issues from factual/legal ones.

 

[vivacious vixen]

what can I expect legally through the court? we were married for 11 years and together for 13. It is an ohio divorce.
it is emotional and to separate it is difficult. the divorce was his idea but i think i may have to file because we are arguing over everything.
i am unemployed and although i went to school over the past years, i do not have enough credit for a degree? i hope to petition the court regarding further schooling. he has a bachelor degree in accounting.