Divorce and Move

[RCiancia]

What is the name of your state? New York

I am nearing the end of my divorce and it appears that I wont be able to afford to stay in NY. I have immediate family in Florida, who offered me a place to live. With my field of work I can easily get a job making somewhat decent money. Do I need to divulge this before the divorce is final or wait until afterwards

thx

[DrewfromCA]

I am not a lawyer, but what makes you think you would have to divulge something that you MIGHT do in the future? It is completely irrelevant, other than the fact that it might affect alimony, etc. if the money you make is different that what you currently make.

Of course, I am not an attorney, so take that for what it is worth.

If, as a part of your divorce you are wrestling with custody and visitation issues you had damn well better divulge the possibility of the move. If not then you may face contempt of court charges and custodial kidnapping just to name a few.

Now, come back and tell me that you have no children. Please.

[RCiancia]

Sadly , I have 3 children that do not wish to associate with me, becuase their mother is putting her hurt feelings before the well being of the kids. I pay all of their expenses and educational expenses.. but the divorce is not final so its only pendente lite. They are ages 19, 16 and 13. I have made atempts every other weekend for almost 9 months now to see them and there is always an excuse, not by the mother, but by the kids. She is obviously manipulating them. I didnt get to see them on Thanksgiving nor their birthdays.
If the situation were different, I wouldnt move, of course.. but what is holding me here.. I know I will be broke when the divorce is final... NY Law doesnt care if the father has enough money to live..

[stealth2]

Sorry - my post went through about the same time yours did. It really has little to do with whether you're the father or not - CS for three kids is going to be hefty.

Moving would affect a visitation schedule, and not addressing it now will certainly make things more difficult. While your current relationship with the kids is strained (to say the least), moving will only make it more difficult to repair. I would urge you to think twice about moving.

Although I totally agree with stealth, I'm going to be a bit harsher.

If the situation were different, I wouldnt move, of course.. but what is holding me here.. I know I will be broke when the divorce is final... NY Law doesnt care if the father has enough money to live..

So Frickin' what? You think running away is going to change their opinion of you? You bet it will. It will enforce everything they've been told to believe.

So what if they don't like you now. quit with the pity party and deal with it. And if you haven't already, fight like hell to get the visitation agreement etched in stone. Hold up the divorce if you have to until you agree on a visitation agreement that includes every other weekend and a few holidays.

You can't do anything about the 19 year-old but you sure as hell can about the other two, as long as you stick around and don't run off like a scared little boy who just had his ass kicked.

Kids aren't stupid. They may take longer to get the point, but that's your job, to be daddy and not "the guy who ran out on us" And one you have the visitation agreement in place then you have time with them. They don't get a say.

And if the ex doesn't make them go then her ass is in front of a judge with a contempt citation facing her.

How grow some balls and get on with your life.

[RCiancia]

I appreciate your honesty and forwardness.. I've made no decisions yet... It really boils down to if I can afford to live in NY...
From what I see.. Judge doesnt care if I can afford to live...

I wont abandon my kids.. never.. dont get the wrong impression.. they are not at fault , its their mother.


Thanks so much