Drowning in alimony debt

[Mangledman]

Ohio. I divorced in 2005-married 30 years. My ex makes $55,000 a year and I make $75,000. I was ordered to pay her PERMANENT alimony. I started out in the hole because right before I got divorced I was laid off from my job (and yes I had proof I didn't just quit). The Ohio courts call it "spousal support" though she is no longer my spouse (which I find insulting as well). I now live in Tennesse and I have been unemployed at least 3 times since my divorce. Each time 1/2 of my unemplyment went to my ex who was employed full time. I simply can't afford to pay her $1200 a month. I have discovered that very few states even award permanent alimony unless a dependent spouse has no realistic chance for employment AND the marriage was long term. I can't understand why Ohio hangs on to outdated ideas. The lawyers I have talked to don't seem to give me much hope because the alimony laws in Ohio are so strict and unforgiving. This situation has ruined my credit and I feel like I am drowning in debt. Before I was never in trouble with the legal system at all. Now I feel like a public enemy with my income deductions being called "child support". I stayed in such an awful marriage so I could support my children! I am labeled a deadbeat because I can't continue keeping a woman in a lifestyle I don't ever remember us having. If she had a child at home or was unable to work I could understand the need to help her. However, she is able-bodied and quite capable of taking care of her own needs. She may not have everything she had when we were married--but guess what, neither do I. Now, it seems, no one cares whether I can survive or not. I have since remarried and my current spouse is actually permanently disabled. Although Ohio considers it a law to support your spouse I have to put second the woman I took vows to put first. I haven't seen my grandchildren in 3 years because my ex threatens to have me arrested if I enter the state of Ohio. I understand I am ranting, but that is the level of my frustration. I feel as though the only way I can every actually be free of this woman who I haven't gotten along with in 20 years is to commit suicide. Please, I am begging for someone to tell me a place where my NEEDS can be heard and addressed. I just want justice.

 

[Silverplum]

Ohio. I divorced in 2005-married 30 years. My ex makes $55,000 a year and I make $75,000. I was ordered to pay her PERMANENT alimony. I started out in the hole because right before I got divorced I was laid off from my job (and yes I had proof I didn't just quit). The Ohio courts call it "spousal support" though she is no longer my spouse (which I find insulting as well). I now live in Tennesse and I have been unemployed at least 3 times since my divorce. Each time 1/2 of my unemplyment went to my ex who was employed full time. I simply can't afford to pay her $1200 a month. I have discovered that very few states even award permanent alimony unless a dependent spouse has no realistic chance for employment AND the marriage was long term. I can't understand why Ohio hangs on to outdated ideas. The lawyers I have talked to don't seem to give me much hope because the alimony laws in Ohio are so strict and unforgiving. This situation has ruined my credit and I feel like I am drowning in debt. Before I was never in trouble with the legal system at all. Now I feel like a public enemy with my income deductions being called "child support". I stayed in such an awful marriage so I could support my children! I am labeled a deadbeat because I can't continue keeping a woman in a lifestyle I don't ever remember us having. If she had a child at home or was unable to work I could understand the need to help her. However, she is able-bodied and quite capable of taking care of her own needs. She may not have everything she had when we were married--but guess what, neither do I. Now, it seems, no one cares whether I can survive or not. I have since remarried and my current spouse is actually permanently disabled. Although Ohio considers it a law to support your spouse I have to put second the woman I took vows to put first. I haven't seen my grandchildren in 3 years because my ex threatens to have me arrested if I enter the state of Ohio. I understand I am ranting, but that is the level of my frustration. I feel as though the only way I can every actually be free of this woman who I haven't gotten along with in 20 years is to commit suicide. Please, I am begging for someone to tell me a place where my NEEDS can be heard and addressed. I just want justice.

The first and only pertinent question for you is -- what does your court order state about the alimony? Is it MODIFIABLE alimony, or NONMODIFIABLE???

Whichever answer you give is the basis for any other valid legal info.

 

[Mangledman]

Thanks for the quick response

My divorce decree says it is modifiable. However the lawyers I have spoken to by phone seem to think it will be difficult to modify it just because it is an Ohio divorce and because of the judge who heard my case. One other kicker was I found out my ex's attorney has been a long time fundraiser for this particualr judge. That bit of news really left me feeling like I wasn't ever playing on a level playing field throughout this divorce mess.

 

[seniorjudge]

My divorce decree says it is modifiable. However the lawyers I have spoken to by phone seem to think it will be difficult to modify it just because it is an Ohio divorce and because of the judge who heard my case. One other kicker was I found out my ex's attorney has been a long time fundraiser for this particualr judge. That bit of news really left me feeling like I wasn't ever playing on a level playing field throughout this divorce mess.

Try stirring the stinkpot.

File a complaint with the Ohio bar.

 

[Mangledman]

Pardon my ignorance, but just what do I need to report to the bar? Everything, or just my anger at the close relationship the judge had with my ex's lawyer that no one bothered to disclose before court?

 

[seniorjudge]

Ask these folks:

http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/odc/default.asp

 

[CameronNewport]

My ex makes $55,000 a year and I make $75,000.

I simply can't afford to pay her $1200 a month.

Assuming you pay the $1200 month, that would mean your ex makes $69,400, while you make $60,600. I'd say that's pretty screwy, and should be reason enough to modify the alimony award.

I've never heard of a court creating a situation where the spouse who makes more must pay alimony such that the other actually has more income (assuming there aren't mitigating factors, such as children to support, unsatisfied division of assets, purposeful impoverishment, etc.).

It sounds like the award was ordered when you made substantially more than your ex. If I were you, I'd find a lawyer who believes in my case and head back to court ASAP.

 

[Mangledman]

Thank you SeniorJudge

I looked on the website you suggested. It is certainly full of great information I can use. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have a sense of empowerment and some control over this trainwreck my life is becoming. You're a good man.

CameronNewport, as I stated in my long and rambling post my alimony was based on my "potential earnings" because I wasn't working at the time the divorce was granted. The court decided I could make in my job field $85,000 per year. That is of course in Ohio, not in Tennessee. The fact that I was laid off for part of the year caused my income to be lower too. I made a court date to have my alimony reduced before it got into arrears while I was unemployed. However, the court date coincided with a job interview I received. (An unemployed 56 year old man doesn't get as many interviews as he once did in the job market so had to go) I called to have the case rescheduled but the court refused. I now have a warrant out for my arrest in Ohio for contempt of court. You would think that if a person is drawing unemployment they are not fiancially able to pay alimony on such a megar amount, but as I have stated earlier the CSEA of Ohio took 1/2 of my unemployment check to give to my exwife who was working full time.

 

[nextwife]

I was ordered to pay her PERMANENT alimony.

Personally, i'VED NEVER UNDERSTOOD the idea of permanent alimony. I'm in my 50s, and many of our friends, in their 60s. As our careers, employment and health are not "permanent" and subject to change through life, both good and bad, I don't get why an ex-spouse should suddenly be deemed no longer subject to the same financial impacts they would have been if they'd remained married to their spouse. I mean, I have always WORKED for a living, and when one's industry, market or health changes, one experiences changes in income during life. How can alimony be permanent, but our employment, the businesses we work in and how much we can earn in them changeable through time, and our ability to earn at the same LEVEL NOT GUARANTIED?

Rant over.

 

[Mangledman]

Great rant Nextwife

Nextwife, I agree. It is like you aren't really ever allowed to fully divorce this person. One of the reasons I divorced my exwife was because she was so vindictive. Now the court system is giving her ammo. Of course when one divorces there are going to be consequences, but to say "OK, the money has to be equally divided forever until death" is just very unrealistic. And to give exspouses free rein to torment the other is so very unjust. I feel like I am a slave to her now more then when we were married. I truely believe my civil rights are being violated because I can never feel I am free to pursue life, liberty or happiness. Not only that but my current wife is suffering too. She has to come second to someone who isn't even suppose to be in my life anymore. Something really should be done.

 

[Melanie80]

I second that! I am the current wife of a great guy who is having to deal with all that mess. And you are right, the current "family" are the ones who suffer. Luckly, they were only married 5 years, and in Ca alimony is only half the time you were married, and she has a college degree and is able to work but decided against it. Now he has to deal with an absurd amount of child support (over a grand a month) and attorney fee's, which we are trying to fight. Oh, Her attorney is a good friend of the judge!!!
Sorry you are going through all this.
But I do wish you luck.

 

[fairisfair]

I second that! I am the current wife of a great guy who is having to deal with all that mess. And you are right, the current "family" are the ones who suffer. Luckly, they were only married 5 years, and in Ca alimony is only half the time you were married, and she has a college degree and is able to work but decided against it. Now he has to deal with an absurd amount of child support (over a grand a month) and attorney fee's, which we are trying to fight. Oh, Her attorney is a good friend of the judge!!!
Sorry you are going through all this.
But I do wish you luck.

Seriously Melanie. STOP IT. Posters come here for legal advice, not to hear about your story on their thread. If you do not stop, you will be reported to the moderator. and they will stop you.

 

[Bali Hai]

I looked on the website you suggested. It is certainly full of great information I can use. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have a sense of empowerment and some control over this trainwreck my life is becoming. You're a good man.

If you only knew!!!

CameronNewport, as I stated in my long and rambling post my alimony was based on my "potential earnings" because I wasn't working at the time the divorce was granted. The court decided I could make in my job field $85,000 per year. That is of course in Ohio, not in Tennessee. The fact that I was laid off for part of the year caused my income to be lower too. I made a court date to have my alimony reduced before it got into arrears while I was unemployed. However, the court date coincided with a job interview I received. (An unemployed 56 year old man doesn't get as many interviews as he once did in the job market so had to go) I called to have the case rescheduled but the court refused. I now have a warrant out for my arrest in Ohio for contempt of court. You would think that if a person is drawing unemployment they are not fiancially able to pay alimony on such a megar amount, but as I have stated earlier the CSEA of Ohio took 1/2 of my unemployment check to give to my exwife who was working full time.

If you are for real, you have alot to learn about the real reasons men get the skewer up their @ss in divorce court.

Nobody told you to move to TN, you should have stayed in OH and devoted the rest of your life to support this woman because the court told you to do so!!!

 

[Ronin]

Given your alimony is modifiable your best plan of attack may be to get a different attorney and file for modification without creating too many waves. The attorneys you spoke with said difficult but not impossible.

Filing a complaint with the Ohio Bar will indeed "stir the stinkpot" as suggested but will get you nowhere since the reality is no action will be taken by the Bar on a complaint such as this.

Your sense of empowerment will be short-lived when you realize that you shot yourself in the foot with your complaint and can pretty much kiss off any hope of ever having your alimony reduced by this judge.

A Bar complaint can be a good PIA action to take even if the chances of winning are slim to none. However, it will burn bridges so you have to weigh the cost-benefit of that in your case.

 

[Bali Hai]

Given your alimony is modifiable your best plan of attack may be to get a different attorney and file for modification without creating too many waves. The attorneys you spoke with said difficult but not impossible.

Filing a complaint with the Ohio Bar will indeed "stir the stinkpot" as suggested but will get you nowhere since the reality is no action will be taken by the Bar on a complaint such as this.

Your sense of empowerment will be short-lived when you realize that you shot yourself in the foot with your complaint and can pretty much kiss off any hope of ever having your alimony reduced by this judge.

A Bar complaint can be a good PIA action to take even if the chances of winning are slim to none. However, it will burn bridges so you have to weigh the cost-benefit of that in your case.

I'm hearing the voice of experience here. And it's been long overdue on this site.

In other words, this OP is SCREWED!!!