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Economical Abuse, Spousal Support

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vapor74

Junior Member
I've been married for 17 years to a soldier. i have been a homemaker raising our 3 kids through various deployments for most of our marriage. I'm a permanent resident, and for the past few years my husband as put me on a very low allowance. We have moved over 13 times around the world. I have no access to any of the accounts where the money from his pay gets deposited. We have a joint account where I'm on, and he puts money on there. I never receive a budget I can work with, yet my husband makes decent money. There have been domestic issues which are documented and infidelity I can't proof.

I have a free consultation tomorrow with a lawyer, however I know that I can't pay for a lawyer unless adequate support has been established. There is an old legal separation agreement, that states even if we reconcile and live together he would have to pay the amount stated, but he stopped that payment once we reconciled after a 6 month separation. Is it legal for him to hide all the money? I can't pay off debt in my name because of this. I tried for a long time now to get my husband to set up an appropriate household budget with no success. What are my options?


Is there anything I can file in court on my own? Legal aid would be another option. Hopefully someone with experience has some insights for me.


State: Georgia
 
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Silverplum

Senior Member
I've been married for 17 years to a soldier. i have been a homemaker raising our 3 kids through various deployments for most of our marriage. I'm a permanent resident, and for the past few years my husband as put me on a very low allowance. We have moved over 13 times around the world. I have no access to any of the accounts where the money from his pay gets deposited. We have a joint account where I'm on, and he puts money on there. I never receive a budget I can work with, yet my husband makes decent money. There have been domestic issues which are documented and infidelity I can't proof.

I have a free consultation tomorrow with a lawyer, however I know that I can't pay for a lawyer unless adequate support has been established. There is an old legal separation agreement, that states even if we reconcile and live together he would have to pay the amount stated, but he stopped that payment once we reconciled after a 6 month separation. Is it legal for him to hide all the money? I can't pay off debt in my name because of this. I tried for a long time now to get my husband to set up an appropriate household budget with no success. What are my options?


Is there anything I can file in court on my own? Legal aid would be another option. Hopefully someone with experience has some insights for me.


State: Georgia
What "financial abuse" do you perceive? If you want your own money, get a job. Now you have money.

Most people would be happy to travel the world for free, for many years: only a "military wife" could make such an opportunity into a miserable task. :rolleyes:
 

vapor74

Junior Member
What "financial abuse" do you perceive? If you want your own money, get a job. Now you have money.

Most people would be happy to travel the world for free, for many years: only a "military wife" could make such an opportunity into a miserable task. :rolleyes:

Listen, if you have not lived a military life then why don't you keep your opinion to yourself. What I mean by traveling the world more than 12 times, is that we had to pack up every two years. Through deployments I was basically a single mother and it's hard. I could not advance my career, I choose to support my husband. You really don't have a clue.

He deliberately did not pay for my Greencard when I was depended on him on our return to the US when it needed to be renewed. So much for getting a job. You have no clue on what goes on in my life, so your idiotic comment on go get a job, keep it to yourself. It's illegal as I found out to lock me out of the bank accounts as those are marital assets.

The cheating, lying and documented domestic issues stemming from deployments...

But I need to go get a job and shouldn't receive alimony lol.

I'm not going to be put on an allowance, not one that is less than welfare would pay for a family of five for food. It's pathetic and called economical abuse. Btw Military wives get part of the retirement after 10 years because of our sacrifice in these marriages.

So anybody with experience, should I just go to JAG or apply for legal assistance? Can I enforce the legal separation agreement myself in court?

Thanks
 
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Just Blue

Senior Member
What "financial abuse" do you perceive? If you want your own money, get a job. Now you have money.

Most people would be happy to travel the world for free, for many years: only a "military wife" could make such an opportunity into a miserable task. :rolleyes:
Moving 13 times in 17 years is not, IMHO, fun. BUT OP married knowing full well what she was getting into. ;)
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Listen, if you have not lived a military life then why don't you keep your opinion to yourself. What I mean by traveling the world more than 12 times, is that we had to pack up every two years. Through deployments I was basically a single mother and it's hard. I could not advance my career, I choose to support my husband. You really don't have a clue.

He deliberately did not pay for my Greencard when I was depended on him on our return to the US when it needed to be renewed. So far did getting a job. You have no clue on what goes on in my life, so your idiotic comment on go get a job, keep it to yourself. It's illegal as I found out to lock me out of the bank accounts as those are marital assets.

The cheating, lying and documented domestic issues stemming from deployments. But I need to go get a job and shouldn't receive alimony lol.

I'm not going to be put on an allowance, regardless of me having a job. Military wives get part of the retirement after 10 years because of our sacrifice in these marriages.

So anybody with experience, should I just go to JAG or apply for legal assistance? Can I enforce the legal separation agreement myself in court?

Thanks
How do you now that Silver isn't Military Family? :confused:
 

vapor74

Junior Member
Moving 13 times in 17 years is not, IMHO, fun. BUT OP married knowing full well what she was getting into. ;)
Oh of course, and I love my family, still love my husband. But I'm getting older and I can't deal with the domestic issues and power and control problems.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
sigh...Both Silver and I are wives. Silver is in a military family. I was a military "brat". Both of us based our comments to you based on the info YOU gave. You based your insulting comments on that we didn't agree with you. So pay an attorney.
 
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Eekamouse

Senior Member
Listen, if you have not lived a military life then why don't you keep your opinion to yourself. What I mean by traveling the world more than 12 times, is that we had to pack up every two years. Through deployments I was basically a single mother and it's hard. I could not advance my career, I choose to support my husband. You really don't have a clue.

He deliberately did not pay for my Greencard when I was depended on him on our return to the US when it needed to be renewed. So much for getting a job. You have no clue on what goes on in my life, so your idiotic comment on go get a job, keep it to yourself. It's illegal as I found out to lock me out of the bank accounts as those are marital assets.

The cheating, lying and documented domestic issues stemming from deployments...

But I need to go get a job and shouldn't receive alimony lol.

I'm not going to be put on an allowance, not one that is less than welfare would pay for a family of five for food. It's pathetic and called economical abuse. Btw Military wives get part of the retirement after 10 years because of our sacrifice in these marriages.

So anybody with experience, should I just go to JAG or apply for legal assistance? Can I enforce the legal separation agreement myself in court?

Thanks
I'm sure your husband has a bunch of valid reasons why he doesn't think you should have access to all of his paycheck. You chose to marry someone in the military so suck it up, buttercup and stop insulting senior members because you're angry at your husband.
 

JustUsHere

Junior Member
You know what I love about "senior members"?

You know what I love about "senior members"? They think they run the forums and don't know when their own inexperience is making them sound foolish. I don't think I need to point you all out - we know who you are.

As far as your problem is concerned, I can empathize ... sort of. I had a husband who made a very healthy six figure salary. The dirty little secret was that he cashed his paychecks, paid the utilities himself, and sent me $200 a month for 4 people to live on; try buying groceries for three teenagers and one adult on that for even a week, let alone put gas in the car. When our refrigerator quit working we went without one, literally for months, because it didn't affect him while he worked out of town. If you don't work you're lazy, and if you do work you're having an affair or neglecting him, but either way you're the problem and deserve to get beaten on. People who haven't been there should be wiser and quieter.

If I'm being brutally honest, your biggest mistake was coming here illegally. Not only are you immediately discredited by everyone because you are outside the law by being here, but it also puts you in a very vulnerable position and makes you a perfect target for abusive men who prey on vulnerability. If you're truly ready to leave, don't expect to take anything with you. He will throw all your things away, and that's going to have to be okay. Call the national hotline for domestic violence and let them put you and your kids in a shelter. They understand that over 70% of abusive men use money to keep their victims captive in the relationship. Just being around women who get it will make the whole experience okay. When you file for divorce, get an attorney who will seek spousal maintenance for you. I didn't realize that was a thing, but in some states (Texas for sure) the law allows for spousal maintenance if there was documented domestic violence, regardless of how long you were married. My ex had to pay for a year which really helped me get back on my feet (enforcement is a whole other thing, but at least you'll be moving in the right direction). Hope Alliance is a great resource too. They will help with counseling for yourself and your children; abuse affects all of you more than you realize.

Most importantly, don't listen to the criticism of ignorant people. There are a lot of resources in place; talk to people who understand and let them help you. When it gets to the point that your well being is more important than your possessions, take the necessary steps and get your life back. Good luck!
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
You know what I love about "senior members"? They think they run the forums and don't know when their own inexperience is making them sound foolish. I don't think I need to point you all out - we know who you are.

As far as your problem is concerned, I can empathize ... sort of. I had a husband who made a very healthy six figure salary. The dirty little secret was that he cashed his paychecks, paid the utilities himself, and sent me $200 a month for 4 people to live on; try buying groceries for three teenagers and one adult on that for even a week, let alone put gas in the car. When our refrigerator quit working we went without one, literally for months, because it didn't affect him while he worked out of town. If you don't work you're lazy, and if you do work you're having an affair or neglecting him, but either way you're the problem and deserve to get beaten on. People who haven't been there should be wiser and quieter.
You didn't even try to comprehend the OP's post, did you?

If I'm being brutally honest, your biggest mistake was coming here illegally. Not only are you immediately discredited by everyone because you are outside the law by being here, but it also puts you in a very vulnerable position and makes you a perfect target for abusive men who prey on vulnerability. If you're truly ready to leave, don't expect to take anything with you. He will throw all your things away, and that's going to have to be okay. Call the national hotline for domestic violence and let them put you and your kids in a shelter. They understand that over 70% of abusive men use money to keep their victims captive in the relationship. Just being around women who get it will make the whole experience okay. When you file for divorce, get an attorney who will seek spousal maintenance for you. I didn't realize that was a thing, but in some states (Texas for sure) the law allows for spousal maintenance if there was documented domestic violence, regardless of how long you were married. My ex had to pay for a year which really helped me get back on my feet (enforcement is a whole other thing, but at least you'll be moving in the right direction). Hope Alliance is a great resource too. They will help with counseling for yourself and your children; abuse affects all of you more than you realize.

Most importantly, don't listen to the criticism of ignorant people. There are a lot of resources in place; talk to people who understand and let them help you. When it gets to the point that your well being is more important than your possessions, take the necessary steps and get your life back. Good luck!
And Georgia became part of Texas ... when?

You're trying in that oh-so-delightful passive-aggressive manner to actually take a shot at the remarkably knowledgeable and experienced volunteers. Worse, you're spouting off utter tripe and this DOES NOT HELP the OP (or anyone else for that matter).

Shame on you.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I am coming late to the party but there are some points I have to emphasize.

1) The OP did not come here illegally, she is a permanent resident.

2) The OP can get a replacement for her expired green card with minor effort. She should spend the little bit of money that he gives her on that, then get a job so that she has her own money.
 

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