Forced to sign a post-nup

[miss.ryte]

Hello all,

I am in New York City. I have been married for 3 years, with my husband for 7. We have 2 biological children together. I have not worked since we have been together (full time student/mother). During our relationship I have given him a large down payment (from savings) that allowed us to but the house we currently live in. However, my name is not on any of the paperwork (it was suggested that we could get a better rate on a mortgage if I was left out due to lack of employment).

Recently my husband has been harassing me to sign a post-nup. He wants me to relinquish all claims to spousal support if things go south. This is a major red flag for me. He has not spoken to me for a month & has only given me the bare minimum in financial support (enough for transportation to & from school). I have not been allowed to drive the car and he is not assisting me with the children or household. He claims that if I sign, thing will go back to normal (probably bull****).

He is wearing down my resolve by making it hard for me to do anything. We have separate bank accounts so I have to ask him for money as opposed to just taking some when I need. Is there a way I can force him to give me the support I need or is there a way for me to sign the letter he wants under protest? Is what he is doing even legal?

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[cyjeff]

Signing this document would be akin to using a lighted match to see if there was still gas in the tank. Stupid to a fault.

If you want spousal support, it is time to file your OWN petition for divorce. I can tell you 100% that things are NOT going back to normal after you sign away your rights to the assets.

It is time to find an attorney and a job... and demand emergency spousal and child support pending trial.... and have him removed from the marital home.

He is playing you... time to push back.

 

[ecmst12]

After 3 years you won't be entitled to much spousal support beyond temporary (while divorce is pending) anyway.

You'll always be entitled to child support if you have custody of the children until they become adults.

If you bought the house after you were married, then you are entitled to half the equity or you could be granted posession but only if you are able to make the payments (obviously not a possibility right now). If it was purchased before the marriage, you would only be entitled to half the MARITAL equity and there would be (virtually) no chance of you being granted posession of the house.

Anything you sign in the absence of legal advice would be possibly unenforceable anyway, but I still would not suggest you sign it. Tell him you will have a lawyer look it over and think about it.

 

[cyjeff]

After 3 years you won't be entitled to much spousal support beyond temporary (while divorce is pending) anyway.

You'll always be entitled to child support if you have custody of the children until they become adults.

If you bought the house after you were married, then you are entitled to half the equity or you could be granted posession but only if you are able to make the payments (obviously not a possibility right now). If it was purchased before the marriage, you would only be entitled to half the MARITAL equity and there would be (virtually) no chance of you being granted posession of the house.

Anything you sign in the absence of legal advice would be possibly unenforceable anyway, but I still would not suggest you sign it. Tell him you will have a lawyer look it over and think about it.

I only suggest the marital home because dad is already living somewhere else... where mom doesn't have anywhere to go. doesn't hurt to ask.

 

[tranquility]

The courts like you settling your own problems, so favor the agreements. See an attorney as there are some formalities.

As to your personal problems, what would happen if you didn't pay some of the bills?

 

[mistoffolees]

And, btw, no one is forcing you to sign a post-nup. He is simply asking. Even if he asks lots of times, he's not forcing you. Even if he takes away the car keys, he's not forcing you. Even if he calls you mean names, he's not forcing you.

If he holds a gun to your head and makes you sign, THAT is forcing you - and grounds to have the agreement thrown out. Other than that, you simply need to say 'no'.

And I agree with the others - and get a job and an attorney (not necessarily in that order).

 

[>Charlotte<]

Are you still getting income from your rental property?

 

[NellieBly]

Do you want to be married to a man who coerces you into signing something that obviously is not in your best interests?

 

[miss.ryte]

cyjeff ~ I agree with everything you have said. I just wanted to bounce the idea off of impartial ears to see if there was any other resolution. You are 100% right. Thank you.

ecmst12 ~ Thank you. A lawyer is in my best interest at the stage I have found myself in.

tranquility ~ Thank you. I am currently unable to pay the bills. When opportunities for employment have come up in the past, he has told me not to worry about it & to focus on my education. I would be in default because I seriously have no money. I have blown through my savings during this marriage "helping out".

mistoffolees ~ Thank you. No he is not holding a gun to my head, but I used the term forcing because there is coercion taking place. But a judge would probably see it your way if I have to dispute my signature on a legal contract.

>Charlotte< ~ Thank you. Yes. It currently covers the mortgage on the house we live in. The house has a total of 3 rental units and 2 are occupied by tenants. However, with all the bills that we pay and child support (for 1 child) there is very little money left over. My husband is reckless with the money (impulse buying, vacations with the boys). This has been a point of contention after my savings had run out. We currently have no savings. He has a job that is practically guaranteed so this is his rationale & how he coasts by.

NellieBly ~ Thank you. To answer your question HELL NO!!!


On a side note. Do you think that a judge would order him to give me my initial investment back? We have only been in the house since 2007 and the amount I gave him was so hefty I can’t see them saying I "lived the amount out" or something like that, but hey you never know.

 

[mistoffolees]

On a side note. Do you think that a judge would order him to give me my initial investment back? We have only been in the house since 2007 and the amount I gave him was so hefty I can&#8217;t see them saying I "lived the amount out" or something like that, but hey you never know.

Probably not. First, the home is likely worth less than when you bought it. Heck, there may not be ANY equity.

However, NY is an equitable division state. That means that property is divided in what the judge believes is the fairest way - not necessarily equally. If you can show that you put in a large down payment from separate funds and he did not, chances are good that you can convince the judge to give you more than 50% of whatever equity there is.
http://www.divorceinfo.com/nyfaqspropertydivision.htm