How to go back to court to stop paying support?

[Claybyrd]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

My ex and I have been dicorced since October of 2009, and I have been paying spousal support ever since. The problem is that her boyfriend, whom she has been living with for about a year before the divorce was finalized, has sent me numerous threatening letters stating that he will never marry her so I will be responsible for paying her the rest of my life. In one letter he even went as far as to offer me a buy-out. If I paid him so much money he would marry her and then they would be out of my life forever. Also in these letters he goes on and on about how he doesn't need my money because he is so well to do. I never have responded to any of this threats or letters, but am wondering if that is enough to be able to take her back to court and have the support removed? If so what would be my first step?
Thank you.

 

[justalayman]

Well, looks like you have a new acquaintance. No, until they are married you are stuck. Unless you want to play the "common-law marriage" angle. Don't know how that will result, never looked into it.

Go see a lawyer to confer.

first, Missouri does not have common law marriage. Then, even if they did, for a couple to be married under common law (in states that have common law marriage), they both must express an intent to be married. You do not become married under common law simply by cohabiting.



Claybyrd:

does your divorce decree actually award your ex-wife alimony for life if she does not remarry? Why would you ever agree to such a thing?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

My ex and I have been dicorced since October of 2009, and I have been paying spousal support ever since. The problem is that her boyfriend, whom she has been living with for about a year before the divorce was finalized, has sent me numerous threatening letters stating that he will never marry her so I will be responsible for paying her the rest of my life. In one letter he even went as far as to offer me a buy-out. If I paid him so much money he would marry her and then they would be out of my life forever. Also in these letters he goes on and on about how he doesn't need my money because he is so well to do. I never have responded to any of this threats or letters, but am wondering if that is enough to be able to take her back to court and have the support removed? If so what would be my first step?
Thank you.

Your first step is to tell us what your court order says about alimony. Word for word, but without the names. In particular, tell us if it says that it can be terminated on the basis of co-habigation. And also if it says that it is modifiable.

 

[LdiJ]

Your first step is to tell us what your court order says about alimony. Word for word, but without the names. In particular, tell us if it says that it can be terminated on the basis of co-habigation. And also if it says that it is modifiable.

I agree that this information is important...although since she was cohabiting at the time that the alimony was ordered and/or he agreed to it, and for about a year prior to that, I am not sure that it would do him any good to try to use the cohabiting argument. Its not a change in circumstance.

I do want to emphasize however that he really cannot use her boyfriend's jerky behavior against HER in this instance. Any argument for reduction/termination of alimony has to be based on a change in circumstance.

 

[Bali Hai]

Your first step is to tell us what your court order says about alimony. Word for word, but without the names. In particular, tell us if it says that it can be terminated on the basis of co-habigation. And also if it says that it is modifiable.

And if the court order says nothing about either, the state statutes would apply.

Futhermore, I didn't read where OP agreed to anything.

 

[Claybyrd]

Claybyrd:

does your divorce decree actually award your ex-wife alimony for life if she does not remarry? Why would you ever agree to such a thing?[/QUOTE]



I was not given a choice in the matter...that was all that was being offered, and my attorney did not do anything to try and change it.

 

[mistoffolees]

And if the court order says nothing about either, the state statutes would apply.

That is correct. Unfortunately, MO law is a little bit strange:
Alimony / Maintenance : Missouri Divorce and Family Law Blog

Unless the court can determine an exact date when the receiving spouse will become self supporting, court ordered maintenance will have no termination date, and it must later be terminated by way of motion by the paying spouse. However, the parties can agree to maintenance for a set term, but that generally will be non-modifiable.
Maintenance, whether open-ended or non-modifiable for a set term, will still terminate upon remarriage of the receiving party or the death of either party, unless the decree specifically states that the award will survive either death or remarriage. Maintenance that is open-ended can be modified or terminated upon showing of a substantial and continuing changed circumstances, including the financial resources of both parties, contributions of a new spouse or cohabitant, and the earning capacity of an unemployed party.

So we really need to know what the order says.

 

[Bali Hai]

Claybyrd:

does your divorce decree actually award your ex-wife alimony for life if she does not remarry? Why would you ever agree to such a thing?

I was not given a choice in the matter...that was all that was being offered, and my attorney did not do anything to try and change it.[/QUOTE]

Your attorney is YOU. Either the judge ordered the alimony or YOU stipulated. Which is it?

 

[Claybyrd]

The Judge ordered it.....I did not choose this, trust me!!

I would have to look for my decree, but my lawyer at the time said that with those letters, because I had gotten one before the divorce was even final, could come in handy later and we could take her back to court but we would have to wait a while. He said they would not do any good during the divorce. So with that being said I would think that it is modifiable. I will look and see what I can find.

 

[tuffbrk]

Well if it is modifiable and you go back to court? Use a different attorney.

Also - if it is modifiable tell us if anything else has changed such as your income and/or her employment. If she and her BF are basically behaving like a married couple - such as if she receives mail at his home, if she maintains another apartment besides his home, if they make joint purchases (I know it's hard to know that), if she has an engagement ring she wears, etc.

 

[stealth2]

I would have to look for my decree

This would be a good idea.

 

[Claybyrd]

I would use a different attorney for sure.

They have been living at the same address (although they have moved numerous times) for the past 4 years. He has bragged about being her beneficiary on her life insurance to her children. They have joint bank accounts and share a PO Box. Also they sued someone and when you look up the case they are the petitioners and have the same address. Does any of that help state that they cohabitate?

 

[mistoffolees]

I would use a different attorney for sure.

They have been living at the same address (although they have moved numerous times) for the past 4 years. He has bragged about being her beneficiary on her life insurance to her children. They have joint bank accounts and share a PO Box. Also they sued someone and when you look up the case they are the petitioners and have the same address. Does any of that help state that they cohabitate?

Yes, if you can legally prove those things, it would help.

I would definitely see an attorney.

 

[Bali Hai]

The Judge ordered it.....I did not choose this, trust me!!

I would have to look for my decree, but my lawyer at the time said that with those letters, because I had gotten one before the divorce was even final, could come in handy later and we could take her back to court but we would have to wait a while. He said they would not do any good during the divorce. So with that being said I would think that it is modifiable. I will look and see what I can find.

When men go to divorce court, they normally have four adversaries to face, the ex, the ex's lawyer, the judge, and the their own lawyer. If you don't like this arrangement, do not ever marry again.