husband takes lower paying job

[leftylizzie]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mississippi

Married 20 yrs. I am 45 yrs old. Husband left over year ago, admitting affair.
Final divorce in Nov., 2008.

I never worked, no college or training. My husband, old fashioned, did not want me out of the home.
Husband bought our dream home, 4500 sq ft on water, and asked for divorce 5 months later. I'm now in an apartment. The home was lost.

I am taking college classes to get a degree to support my self. He sends only 1/3 of the maintenance that he was ordered to and that doesn't cover rent so I am about to move in with family.

Husband, a mechanical engineer, made 40-50K a yr most of the marriage but made 200+ last 3 years with a job my brother helped him get abroad.
He arranged to "GET FIRED" and came back to states to work for another "buddy" from his overseas job, at 40K yr.
All this is to say, I know he has set all this up until the divorce, then he will go back overseas and make the big bucks. He swore he'd never work anywhere again for under 100K.

Only alimony can be raised and I do not want alimony.
I want a lump sum- paid out over time. Why? Because with alimony I can never remarry or it stops. I will probably remarry before too long and that man, if he has any money, will probably have it saved for his children, etc.

I need to have my own money but after 20 yrs of marriage, I have nothing.
There is no savings, etc. Home was lost to foreclosure.

He was a very difficult husband, even physical at times, and I was a loving, faithful wife, even husband admits. I deserve some money for my future. He will go on and have a great life.

But what can I do? He said the judge will only make him give me an amount according to what he makes now.
I look bad too as a few months after he asked for the divorce, I received 30K from items we sold, and I kept it all. Told the court I spent it. And I did use some for breast augmentation (which husband had wanted.)
Doing all that made me look as bad as him.
But he is always a big spender. Just last year, he blew, on pleasure, around 50-60K.

I was always the "good, sweet, godly, submissive, little wife." And now, he is sticking it to me. What can I do to try and increase the settlement he has to give me?
I will appreciate any advise.

Thank you very much.
LeftyLizzie

[mmmagique]

Ask him if he's ever heard about something called "imputed income". Tell him you have, and you're quite sure the judge has too!

~Christina

[Blue Meanie]

What was the overseas job he left? Was it in a war zone?

[candg918]

Older engineers often make less than they did earlier in their careers. I know of none that make $200,000 working in a true engineering position in the US - even with PhDs. Some may working offshore in the Mideast, but I cannot imagine a judge requiring that someone work outside the US, possibly in a war zone, in order to maintain your standard of living.

There is much documentation avaiable about the engineering salaries by region, industry, and experience. I believe $40,000 is low for a 20-25 year career which is what I assume based on your age. It is what he might receive if he is working at an entry level position. Your expectations on a $200,000 salary is absurd! Check the engineering job boards and professional organizations for good salary information. Many engineers in their 40s and up are unemployed and unemployable in the field due to prejudices of management. You cannot expect him to be employed in the field until retirement; many engineers I know are teaching, doing part-time contract work, or having to pursue second, much lower paying careers.

You claim he was "difficult." You should have been planning for your future and working to help accumulate savings for the both of you. What would you expect to receive had he died rather than you divorced?

Check out the salary surveys for a reality check. I'm sure the seniors will be by to advise you of the legal issues.

[leftylizzie]

I appreciate the responses.
Yes, he was in a war zone. That's why the high pay.

However, even though he is probably going back to that,
I Would Never expect my support to be based on such a high amount of income.
I was simply telling his range.

As far as me planning and saving during the marriage, that was not p[ossible. My husband never let me touch our money or even ask much about it. I did however plead many, many times for us to start a savings and/or a mutual fund-even asked for one for Christmas, but this never happened. He was a spender.

I am realistic about an engineers salary and when one is willing to relocate almost anywhere in the world, it can be a pretty good living. I would like a settlement that considers that and not the 40K he is sticking with for now.

Thanks again for the help.
Leftylizzie

[candg918]

Excuse me! You EXPECT your ex to live in a foreign country in order to provide you alimony payments on you grossly inflated expectations!

You can go to school and become an engineer and go to work in a war zone and make $200,000 per year.

[2Mistakes]

Originally Posted by mmmagique

Ask him if he's ever heard about something called "imputed income". Tell him you have, and you're quite sure the judge has too!

~Christina

Before you post about something you obviously have no clue about, you might want to check state statutes.

MS, as a general rule, doesn't impute income. Especially for alimony purposes.

[penelope10]

Originally Posted by 2Mistakes

Before you post about something you obviously have no clue about, you might want to check state statutes.

MS, as a general rule, doesn't impute income. Especially for alimony purposes.

Dern those pesky, pesky state statutes.

[leftylizzie]

I never said I EXPECT my ex to work overseas.
I said he is GOING back to work overseas.
He loves the money and the travel and the benefits.

He is presently acting like he is staying here at a 40K yr job only until the divorce is final.
I won't go into details but I know this to be true.
I'll get a little settlement, then he'll be off making 200+ again.

And after 20+years of verbal and physical abuse, being cheated on, being left over and over, while even he admits I am a wonderful wife but he has "issues," I just would like to come away with as much financial help as possible towards a somewhat nice future, myself.
And I am in school.

[qurice]

Husband, a mechanical engineer, made 40-50K a yr most of the marriage but made 200+ last 3 years with a job my brother helped him get abroad.

Why should he be expected to maintain your lifestyle you only had (by your own admission) for 3 years? If I were him, I'd be arguing that you were content for 17 years with a lifestyle that 40-50k a year will provide.

Oh and about the boob job? Since he's the one who wanted them, why don't you give them back to him and call it even? Not like he's going to "reap the benefits" on those.

The best way to make a future for yourself is to help yourself. Even if you do get a large settlement, he could die the next day and you'd still be where you are today. You want financial help? See my signature below...

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by qurice

You want financial help? See my signature below...

Just yesterday, I used your sig line in an earnest conversation with two teen girls I mentor...it made SO MUCH SENSE to them!

Thanks, qurice!