I filed a motion to terminate Alimony Pro Se

[surfspin]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

I received an interesting phone call from my ex-wife today asking me if I would agree to have my motion heard at a later date. I asked why. She told me that she needed more time to file a written reply and a cross-motion. According to the document "Notice to Litigants:" all post-judgment motions must be filed 29 days before the return date and that any reply and cross-motion must be filed 15 days before return date. December 17th is the date the court is to take up the matter. Today is December 6th, 11 days before the hearing. I told her no and she says she is filing anyways. Can she do this and what can I do about it?

Summary of case according to me .
I had a three year obligation to pay $800.00 a month in Alimony based on a $115,000 a year salary. I lost that job 18 months ago with two years left in the Alimony payments. I also have three children from a previous marriage in my physical and legal custody. I have not been able to find meaningful employment since, have remarried and had another child and one of my older children has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder (having suffered from beatings from her mother, my first wife). My ex-wife who I did not have children with has reestablished herself after staying home with my children for three years. She has received $55,000 of the total $73,000 divorce package. I only made that kind of income for four years previous to that I made less than she did per a year as I was a stay at home Dad, getting his education. We were married for 6 years. I still have $40,000 in student loans to pay and my daughter with the mental illness is serving a second round of probation for illegal activity costing me attorney fees, fees for hospital stays and co-pays for medicine. My ex-wife still sees the children every other weekend but does not contribute to them financially. I could keep going…….however at the end of the day, I would not change having raised my three children.

[snodderly]

Can she do this and what can I do about it?

Sure she can do it. You can either agree to give her the extra time or you can disagree, it's up to you.

Sounds as if life has not been easy for you since your divorce from wife number two. Lots of problems indeed. Am I to understand that you are wanting to get the alimony stopped because you have remarried, have another child, have a child with mental health issues and so on and so forth?

If so, why do you think it is your second wife's place to suffer financially because you chose to remarry and have a child during a time that you have no job? Why would you remarry and have a child if you can't even afford to take care of the responsibilities you already have.

I'm not sure a judge is going to see things your way. There has been a change in circumstance, that is for sure BUT you choosing to take on more responsibility should not affect your second wife, and your child's problems due to her relationship with your first wife should not affect your second wife. If she stayed at home with your children for three years she earned every penny of the alimony and a judge might just tell you to get out and get a job...any job so that you can do as the court has already ordered.

[BelizeBreeze]

Your change in circumstances are not grounds to overturn the order of the court. Your motion is going to fall on deaf ears.

[surfspin]

Thank you for your replies. I talked to the Family Division at the court house and they said they would accept the late documents and it will be up to the judge to decide whether to look at them or not.

I have no problems accepting responsibility for my situation. I do not look for sympathy. My child was diagnosed with mental health problems when she was six years old. Realizing the problem was the most difficult life experience I have had. Learning the tools to deal with it was easy for me, however, very difficult for others it seems. I’m not going to stay in a relationship (second wife) where nearly all family problems are being blamed on my child especially when no ownership for actions from my second wife is acknowledge that further contributed to the problem. It was an unhealthy situation and I did not want to continue to live like that. While my daughters behaviors were and still can be deplorable and not accepted, my love for my daughter has no conditions. I do provide a strict environment that limits her ability to do damage (and God knows it is only for so long I can do this) to herself and others. BTW…some of the work to assist my daughter has been completed through Court and her probation, Social Services involvement and community support.

I remarried when I had the good job (I could not stop love, even if I know better and she has accepted my daughter). I lost that job a month before my youngest was born. I had that Job for 3 ½ years. I never made that much money before with the most at $24,000 per a year. When my children came to live with me I was a pizza delivery driver. I could not afford to work that job and choose to go on welfare, sought and got state daycare and went back to school. I was in my third year when I met my second wife. I stayed home with the children and went to and finished school at night after we married. I’m the first to get a degree in my entire family.

The primary change of circumstance is not that I lost my job or remarried and had another child but rather that she is rehabilitated (the alimony was for rehabilitation purposes) from her lack of work experience from staying home for three years. She did benefit from the income when we were married. Previous to marriage and to my earning a large salary neither one of us owned a home. She was able to go out and buy a home of equal value of our marital home at divorce time. She makes $10,000 more per a year now than she did before she stayed home. She is by no means suffering.

My job experience at the salary range that I was making was bigger than my wildest dreams. I also believed to be a dot com wage. I had not prepared myself for those kinds of earnings. My job experience at this range is limited though making it difficult to obtain. I would be happy to obtain employment at a lower level where I will be more comfortable. Some funny things have happened on the job hunt. Figuring any income is better than none I went and applied for a position at Sam’s Club. I was written a letter “while your employment credentials are impressive we are looking for a better fit……”. I even took the family van and started driving as a courier. It was great until I look at the maintenance costs, fuel and tolls. Four months into that and making $1,700 per a month I was involved in a hit run totaling the van. I have had some good looks but no real hits for the job I need. I may have a confidence problem as well and have sought help.
Maybe this motion will fall on deaf ears, but I have never lost a court case, I have a story to tell the judge and I have nothing to lose in trying.

[nextwife]

This stuff always blows me away.

Those of us who work for a living ARE subject to fluctuations in income and the impacts of our health, our marketplace, our employer's misjudgements, our industries strengths and failures, the impacts of the global marketplace and NOBODY guarantees us that out income will never drop. Yet some of those who didn't work and were taken care of instead thank those who gave them some years free of working by expecting to be taken care of even longer AND to never be affected by what affects our incomes.

It is a shame that the welfare of minor children who have no other parent to help support them should take second place to some able-bodied adult who should be perfectly capable of going out and working, or at minimum should be subject to the same income ebbs and flows she'd be had she remained married to him. When we marry someone our incomes go up and down when our partners incomes do. Why should we not be impacted by that once divorced?

My rant of the day.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by dfskinner

Hire a very good lawyer and agree to pay him/her well, and they will get you out of almost anything.

oh brother. In case you didn't understand the question, it's in regards to Rehabilitative Alimoney which is NOT subject to the change in circumstances of the plaintiff.

In other words, forget it. And learn how to read the law.
DAMN Forum trolls.

[surfspin]

Answer this question. How come I got a call from her attorney today, after I was served the cross and reply, asking what kind of settlement would I be willing to work out? Ummmm. I think you may need to read some NJ law which is not clear on how to handle Alimony giving me a door way to the change. Also listed as one of the first priority is the parental responsibility.
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[url]http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/ARTICLES/oflanagan9.html[/url]

Rehabilitative alimony is alimony that is paid until the spouse is reasonably able to support herself.

The statute added three new factors to the ten prior factors which must be considered in a request for alimony. The 13 factors are as follow:

1. Parental responsibility.
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[url]http://www.ccaesq.com/html/divorce_law.html[/url]
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Thank you,

Don