I think I have a big problem 20year Military Divorce and she won't get a job

[MJA89]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

Here's the background. I am a FL resident as is my wife. I am in the military soon to hit the 20 year mark. The marriage will hit 20 soon after. My wife has a college degree from 21 years ago, but never started a career- stayed at home with the kids, one is 18 and out of the house (Academy!) the other is soon to be 13. Her not even getting part time or going to school has always been a sore point between us.

She held a job with the State department 2002 to 2004 when I was assigned to an embassy. Additionally, she (I) bought into a home based business which never really made a profit, but sucked money out for 12 years. Then she bought into another in 2006.

She managed the finances since I was away so often. I trusted her/didn't check up on things and found recently that she has squandered all of the equity from our two houses (one in VA, the other in FL) and ran up HELOCs on both to pay off credit cards which she then ran up again. This is not the cause of the break up.

She has been verbally and physically abusive to me, never to the kids. She has a very bad temper and would vent on me. Nothing too serious there, but I found frequent deployments to be the way out.

I am now living in Pakistan (stationed here) since 2007. This Oct, I told her I wanted either counselling or a divorce. She ran up credit cards buying "save your marriage" cds, books, whatever while at the same time getting advice from a recently divorced friend of hers. She cleaned out every bit of liquidity (money market, joint bank account, etc) and put the money into her "Business Account" which she has sole access to. She also took out additional 10K on a HELOC to retain a lawyer- into her account, then to the lawyer, I think. Does thismean I am going to pay for 50% of her attorny 's fees?

She started looking at getting paralegal certification, but was told by her friend to keep it secert and whatever she does, "do not get a job until after the divorce goes final. " He friend (was mine too) sent the email exchange to my personal email as part of a group address.

I am now paying for the certification courses, which she will fininsh before the divorce is finalized - I'm waiting until we hit the 20/20/20 threshold, so she gets retiree benifits along with 50% of the retirement.

SO, we have two houses which cannot be sold for what we have out on them. There is a good bit of debt to be shared. The issue of child support will come up as I have orders to D.C. and she will remain in FL.

If she chooses to not get a job even after I pay for her certification, how will that effect alimony? What about splitting the debt when she does not have a job? Just how screwed am I?

Thanks

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by MJA89

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

Here's the background. I am a FL resident as is my wife. I am in the military soon to hit the 20 year mark. The marriage will hit 20 soon after. My wife has a college degree from 21 years ago, but never started a career- stayed at home with the kids, one is 18 and out of the house (Academy!) the other is soon to be 13. Her not even getting part time or going to school has always been a sore point between us.

She held a job with the State department 2002 to 2004 when I was assigned to an embassy. Additionally, she (I) bought into a home based business which never really made a profit, but sucked money out for 12 years. Then she bought into another in 2006.

She managed the finances since I was away so often. I trusted her/didn't check up on things and found recently that she has squandered all of the equity from our two houses (one in VA, the other in FL) and ran up HELOCs on both to pay off credit cards which she then ran up again. This is not the cause of the break up.

She has been verbally and physically abusive to me, never to the kids. She has a very bad temper and would vent on me. Nothing too serious there, but I found frequent deployments to be the way out.

I am now living in Pakistan (stationed here) since 2007. This Oct, I told her I wanted either counselling or a divorce. She ran up credit cards buying "save your marriage" cds, books, whatever while at the same time getting advice from a recently divorced friend of hers. She cleaned out every bit of liquidity (money market, joint bank account, etc) and put the money into her "Business Account" which she has sole access to. She also took out additional 10K on a HELOC to retain a lawyer- into her account, then to the lawyer, I think. Does thismean I am going to pay for 50% of her attorny 's fees?

She started looking at getting paralegal certification, but was told by her friend to keep it secert and whatever she does, "do not get a job until after the divorce goes final. " He friend (was mine too) sent the email exchange to my personal email as part of a group address.

I am now paying for the certification courses, which she will fininsh before the divorce is finalized - I'm waiting until we hit the 20/20/20 threshold, so she gets retiree benifits along with 50% of the retirement.

SO, we have two houses which cannot be sold for what we have out on them. There is a good bit of debt to be shared. The issue of child support will come up as I have orders to D.C. and she will remain in FL.

If she chooses to not get a job even after I pay for her certification, how will that effect alimony? What about splitting the debt when she does not have a job? Just how screwed am I?

Thanks

How long do you plan to stay in? If she is going to get 50% of your retirement I cannot see you having to pay alimony any longer than you stay in...in a worst case scenario.

The houses are going to be a problem...as will any other debt. Even if she is ordered to pay half of it, if she cannot, your credit is going to suffer. If it were me, I would be looking for a way to make a division of assets/debts that would also preserve my credit, if at all possible.

I would also want to see if I could get it ordered that any alimony and even perhaps child support, get applied directly to the mortgage/heloc on the FL home until such time as she can qualify (and there is enough equity) to refinance into her own name. A judge won't order that, but you might convince her to agree to it...a judge would likely sign off on that kind of agreement.

[xylene]

If SHE has a lawyer, you need a lawyer.

If you have massive debts, after getting out, consider bankruptcy.

[MJA89]

I agree. What about her not getting a job? What incentive does she have if she does not work and have me continue to support her? I am willing to go big for the first few years in order to get her on her feet, but how will the court look at that?

I know she needs more support right now and probably for the next 3-5 years. What I want to avoid is having to pay her the same amount in alimony forever. Some day I too hope to retire and I don't want to have the alimony which may be 25-50% of my current income to continue until one of us passes.

Thanks for the quick responses.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by MJA89

I agree. What about her not getting a job? What incentive does she have if she does not work and have me continue to support her? I am willing to go big for the first few years in order to get her on her feet, but how will the court look at that?

I know she needs more support right now and probably for the next 3-5 years. What I want to avoid is having to pay her the same amount in alimony forever. Some day I too hope to retire and I don't want to have the alimony which may be 25-50% of my current income to continue until one of us passes.

Thanks for the quick responses.

Again...at a minimum you would want language in the order that states that any alimony would stop when you retire from the military and she starts collecting a share of your military pension.

However, even better would be that she has maybe 4 years of alimony so that she can get an education, and after 4 years alimony stops.

That's why you need an attorney. To be certain that the right things get into your divorce decree.

[IrishLady47]

It is a good idea to wait until she meets the 20/20/20 rule so she can retain benefits, especially medical benefits.

Your military retired pay is an asset to be divided in the property settlement, along with other assets and the debt. So if you take on a greater share of the debt (which, as Ldij pointed out, could save your credit), you should also retain a greater share of the assets, including your retired pay.

USFSPA does not confer a entitlement to 50% of your military retired pay, it simply allows the state courts to treat it as marital property and subject to division.