If a strictly platonic friend stays at my house, can I lose spousal support?

[Marie50]

What is the name of your state? Kansas
I am going through a divorce after more than 25 years of marriage. I have a very good male friend who has nowhere to stay. My kids don't like him (they are 27, 24 and 17) and are not living here, but he helps out a lot and always treats me respectfully. Our relationship is strictly platonic. He has been sleeping on the couch. On top of this the boys have been very rude and insist that they can come over any time day or night and make noise or whatever because it's still their house. On Tues (4/1) the oldest showed up at 10:30 when we were about to go to bed and wanted to do his laundry. My friend got mad at him for being inconsiderate and started yelling at him. (He has never gotten into any kind of confrontation with anyone in the family before, but he couldn't stand how I was being treated). My son yelled back that he had every right to be there and that my friend didn't. My friend left the room and I tried to reason with my so, saying that fine he could do his laundry this time, but that he had to show some consideration for me and for my friend who was sleeping on the couch. He started loudly insisting that he had his own schedule and couldn't be expected to work around anyone else's. My friend came back and said that does it and picked up the clothes and started to turn to take them out. My son suddenly yelled "Don't push my mom! and slugged him (I was not pushed as far as I am aware of), my friend fell and my son hit him in the face 2 more times while I screamed that he didn't push me and tried to pulll him away. Then he stopped and said he would get his clothes and leave. Then he tried to apologize, but my friend didn't think he sounded very sincere and he was in too much pain to listen. My son left. Then my other son called and yelled at me and said it had to be the other guy's fault and that they could come over whenever they wanted. Then my friend insisted on making a police report and after that we went to the hospital. Fortunately nothing was broken, but they said he would be in pain for awhile and gave him a prescription. Now my almost ex has cut off all mooney to me and everyone says I should make my friend drop the charges. I've asked but he thinks they'll just keep abusing their rights if he does. I feel very much in the middle and now have no money on top ot it. What are my rights and what should I expect from my kids? (I have a lawyer, but it's suppose to be a cooperative divorce, so she isn't suppose to be real agressive). Help, please.

 

[>Charlotte<]

On top of this the boys have been very rude and insist that they can come over any time day or night and make noise or whatever because it's still their house.

It is not their house. You don't really need to be told that, do you? Whether or not they are able to bully their way into coming and going as they please is completely up to you and whether or not you choose to allow them to do so.

He started loudly insisting that he had his own schedule and couldn't be expected to work around anyone else's.

Again--your house, your rules. You're perfectly within your rights to allow your son(s) to walk all over you.

my son hit him in the face 2 more times

Your son is guilty of assault.

Then my other son called and yelled at me and said it had to be the other guy's fault and that they could come over whenever they wanted.

Second verse, same as the first. I don't know what's worse--that they have that big of an entitlement complex, or that you allow them to get away with it.

Then my friend insisted on making a police report

Good for him! It's about time somebody made those grown brats pay the consequences for their actions.

Now my almost ex has cut off all mooney to me

Your ex can't just take it upon himself to revise a court order. That is, I'm assuming the support he pays you is court ordered. What does and doesn't constitute grounds to terminate the spousal support depends entirely on what the order states, but in any case he would have to properly file for a modification or termination. If he is not abiding by the court order, he is in contempt.

everyone says I should make my friend drop the charges.

You can't make him do anything. Plus, if it's a criminal charge it's not neccessarily up to him.

I've asked but he thinks they'll just keep abusing their rights if he does.

He's right.

I feel very much in the middle and now have no money on top ot it.

You put yourself in the middle.

What are my rights and what should I expect from my kids?

You should expect your "kids" to grow up.

I have a lawyer, but it's suppose to be a cooperative divorce, so she isn't suppose to be real agressive.

If your ex is in contempt, it's not going to require a whole lot of aggression.

 

[LdiJ]

While I agree that your kids are being extremely disrespectful and need a comeupance....I also really don't think that its strategically wise to have a opposite sex friend staying with you while you are going through the divorce process....particulary one that isn't keeping completely out of things.

 

[Marie50]

We haven't gone to court yet. The payments were agreed on at one of the collaborative meetings. My husband says i have broken the agreement because of this incident. My friend has been at the house for months and has never gotten involved with what my sons have been doing before this point. Also he was staying there when my husband agreed to the payments. and everyone knew this. We are suposed to have a court date n the 15th of this month, but because of property problems (trying to sell houses), the lawyers were going to have it moved back a bit. To make matters worse, I have $45000 in debt on my credit cards because of my second son (which had to do with trying to biuld his business, but is totally in my name and he was trying to pay on it, but now has no money to do so, partly becsuse his father cosigned on a truck for him that costs more than $600 a month in payments and uses a lot of gas) (his father is also paying for him to go to school, so he is no longer working full time either) (he said he expected to make enough money this summer to make more payments, but now I don't know if he will). And my husband owes my friend $2000 for work he did on the house last summer, partly why I've let him stay here, and was going to start paying him the rest this month because he no longer had to pay for our daughter's school (it's all paid for) and so that money was supposed to go to my friend (about $500 a month) til he was paid off. And thehouse I'm living in (the marital home) needs a lot of work done to get it ready to sell at any kind of decent price, but my husband doesn't want to pay for that ot be done. Oh, and he has promised in the past, to me and to our middle child that the credit card debt would be taken care of--he even said this in front of the lawyers, but now is saying that it's my problem--even before this incident). I feel like a soap opera.

 

[Marie50]

By the way, thank you guys so much for your input. I really do appreciate it.

 

[Some Random Guy]

If your husband is refusing to pay for support, then have your lawyer file for support as soon as possible. Be sure to include the $45,000 dept as a marital debt in your divorce since it was generated to support the son you have together and the debt was incurred during your marriage.