I'm willing to do most anything, but want to protect myself.

[mcinark]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

My wife and I have been on the rocks for about a year. We've been married for 10 years and moved to Arkansas about a year and a half ago after I got out of the Navy. We have 2 kids (one adopted after she became pregnant while we were separated, although I love him as much as my biological daughter). We bought a house when we moved here. She is a SAHM, worked temporarily while we were separated, but essentially hasn't worked much. Our son will start kindergarten next year.

If we were to divorce, I'm basically willing to give her about 90 percent of the money we have saved, let her have anything in the house she wants (within reason, obviously my clothes, watches, etc. are not in bounds), continue to pay on her new car, medical, etc. I suspect she would move back to MD (where we are both from) and of course take the kids with her. I'd be fine with that, so to speak, but I would basically have to quit my job and find something in MD, which might not be nearly as good. I currently make around 90K, but if I moved, I suspect I wouldn't find a job that pays as well. I know child support is a given, but would alimony be an issue? If so, would the fact that I'm willing to pay for the other things (car, med, etc.) mitigate the amount. I honestly just can't stand to look at her any more. She's a great mom, but I think she just might be spiteful, and if that happened, I would not want to "play nice".

Is there any advice you guys can give?

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

My wife and I have been on the rocks for about a year. We've been married for 10 years and moved to Arkansas about a year and a half ago after I got out of the Navy. We have 2 kids (one adopted after she became pregnant while we were separated, although I love him as much as my biological daughter). We bought a house when we moved here. She is a SAHM, worked temporarily while we were separated, but essentially hasn't worked much. Our son will start kindergarten next year.

If we were to divorce, I'm basically willing to give her about 90 percent of the money we have saved, let her have anything in the house she wants (within reason, obviously my clothes, watches, etc. are not in bounds), continue to pay on her new car, medical, etc. I suspect she would move back to MD (where we are both from) and of course take the kids with her. I'd be fine with that, so to speak, but I would basically have to quit my job and find something in MD, which might not be nearly as good. I currently make around 90K, but if I moved, I suspect I wouldn't find a job that pays as well. I know child support is a given, but would alimony be an issue? If so, would the fact that I'm willing to pay for the other things (car, med, etc.) mitigate the amount. I honestly just can't stand to look at her any more. She's a great mom, but I think she just might be spiteful, and if that happened, I would not want to "play nice".

Is there any advice you guys can give?

The best scenario from your standpoint would be for her to move to Maryland pre-divorce, establish jurisdictional residency, file for dissolution there and you stay the hell away from that state!

 

[Zigner]

The best scenario from your standpoint would be for her to move to Maryland pre-divorce, establish jurisdictional residency, file for dissolution there and you stay the hell away from that state!

Huh?

How would that be the best thing for the OP? It wouldn't. You are basically telling him to give in and give up everything, handing it over to the STBX on a silver platter. Or do I misunderstand?

 

[latigo]

Huh?

How would that be the best thing for the OP? It wouldn't. You are basically telling him to give in and give up everything, handing it over to the STBX on a silver platter. Or do I misunderstand?

How can she get anything property wise other than what she can carry if he is not made subject to the personal jurisdiction of a Maryland court? Certainly not an alimony award, which I understand to be a concern.

All else could be bargained and covered by a post nuptial.

 

[Zigner]

How can she get anything property wise other than what she can carry if he is not made subject to the personal jurisdiction of a Maryland court? Certainly not an alimony award, which I understand to be a concern.

All else could be bargained and covered by a post nuptial.

Fair enough

 

[mcinark]

Unfortunately, as I am a devoted dad, I can't imagine staying away from the kids if she left. Quite frankly, I can't imagine staying in her way if she wanted to go back because she has no family here, etc. Would I be able to leverage that at all? I don't want to come across as a weasel, in fact as I've stated, I'm basically willing to give her most everything just to have her out of my hair.

 

[LdiJ]

Unfortunately, as I am a devoted dad, I can't imagine staying away from the kids if she left. Quite frankly, I can't imagine staying in her way if she wanted to go back because she has no family here, etc. Would I be able to leverage that at all? I don't want to come across as a weasel, in fact as I've stated, I'm basically willing to give her most everything just to have her out of my hair.

If you are willing to cooperate with her moving back to MD with the children, willing to finance her move back to MD with the children, will cooperate with child support, and are willing to pay her car note, then you might not have to worry about alimony. Any alimony ordered would be likely be short term, in order to give her a chance to get on a career path, and you paying her car note might substitute for that.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Don't do any of that!

Before you make any decisions, get a consult with a local attorney and, preferably, one in Maryland. You have to understand the residency requirements and grounds for divorce in each state. Also, realize that child support may be based on your current salary, not some future, undetermined salary. Can you really afford the car note, medical, and child support on a diminished salary with little savings??

Consult with the attorneys. It will be worth the expense.

 

[single317dad]

To answer OP's question, quite simply, if you wish to negotiate then by all means do that. Any part of the divorce and property division can be settled by the parties with the exception of child support. While the two of you may come to an agreement on child support now, it can always be changed later until the children become adults.