Jurisdiction

[JudnKY]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

I was divorced in NJ in 1979 without an attorney and the courts later interruped my divorce settlement to provide alimony to my ex until who knows. I now live in KY and she has lived in AZ for many years. We are 75 ish. I am remarried. I have been paying $672 per month. My assets are a house and an IRA. My IRA has been devasted and I am forced to draw much less to have it survive me and my current wife's lifetime. I want to apply for a modification of alimony based on changed circumstances.

First what is the jurisdiction? New Jersey where the courts imposed the alimony; Kentucky where I have had residence for over 17 years now or where? Also I am not finding a Family Law attorney in my area. How do I find one who can help. I can make the pleading but need help on format and law and filing.

Thanks, JudWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

I was divorced in NJ in 1979 without an attorney and the courts later interruped my divorce settlement to provide alimony to my ex until who knows.

What does your decree state regarding the alimony? I'm certain that it doesn't say that you are to "provide alimony until who knows".

I now live in KY and she has lived in AZ for many years. We are 75 ish. I am remarried. I have been paying $672 per month. My assets are a house and an IRA. My IRA has been devasted and I am forced to draw much less to have it survive me and my current wife's lifetime. I want to apply for a modification of alimony based on changed circumstances.

First what is the jurisdiction? New Jersey where the courts imposed the alimony; Kentucky where I have had residence for over 17 years now or where? Also I am not finding a Family Law attorney in my area. How do I find one who can help. I can make the pleading but need help on format and law and filing.

Thanks, JudWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I can't advise you on the jurisdiction issue, but I will comment that the judge who ordered a 47 year old man to pay lifetime alimony to probably the same aged woman or younger is a BONEHEAD!!

 

[Ronin]

I can't advise you on the jurisdiction issue, but I will comment that the judge who ordered a 47 year old man to pay lifetime alimony to probably the same aged woman or younger is a BONEHEAD!!

Absolutely. But this happened a lot more frequently back in those days. Then add the factor that he did not have an attorney...

Also I am not finding a Family Law attorney in my area.

I didn't think there were too many places you could swing a dead cat without hitting one.

How do I find one who can help. I can make the pleading but need help on format and law and filing.

Look online for your State Bar's website. They can refer you to an attorney. Under the circumstances you will likely be spinning your wheels if you try this as a pro se. I would bet your ex will hire an attorney if you challenge the alimony.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to throw out some food for thought, and some of these things may pass through a judge's mind as well.

You stated that your ex is also about 75. Clearly at that age its not very likely that she would be able to go out and work to replace any income lost from a reduction or elimination of alimony...and even if she could now, that capacity will diminish rapidly, as she gets older.

I am assuming that your ex did not remarry because you did not mention that. I am also assuming that she didn't work much during your marriage (or alimony wouldn't have been an issue) and therefore amassed less social security credits than you did.

She would have qualified to collect social security based on your earnings record but she would get only 1/2 of the amount that you receive unless her own records generated a higher benefit.

She may be living on only 1/2 of the amount of SS that you receive, plus your alimony. That wouldn't be much. Maybe 1500.00 a month, tops, and possibly as low as about 1200.00 a month.

Do you have children in common with your ex? Children that might have to take on the burden of supporting their mother if you cut her income in half? Children that may already be seeing their mother struggle on a very low income? Children that may not react well to what you want to do?

Now, of course if she remarried or has some other source of income many of these points to ponder would not be relevant.

However, because she is also 75 you honestly do have to be cognizant of her circumstances as well as yours...because that WILL be a factor in any decision a judge makes. If she is already living below, close to, or at the poverty level, and you are not, that is a significant factor.

If she is living well, due to a remarriage, or an inheritance, then that is also a very significant factor.

 

[Bali Hai]

I am going to throw out some food for thought, and some of these things may pass through a judge's mind as well.

You stated that your ex is also about 75. Clearly at that age its not very likely that she would be able to go out and work to replace any income lost from a reduction or elimination of alimony...and even if she could now, that capacity will diminish rapidly, as she gets older.

I am assuming that your ex did not remarry because you did not mention that. I am also assuming that she didn't work much during your marriage (or alimony wouldn't have been an issue) and therefore amassed less social security credits than you did.

She would have qualified to collect social security based on your earnings record but she would get only 1/2 of the amount that you receive unless her own records generated a higher benefit.

She may be living on only 1/2 of the amount of SS that you receive, plus your alimony. That wouldn't be much. Maybe 1500.00 a month, tops, and possibly as low as about 1200.00 a month.

Do you have children in common with your ex? Children that might have to take on the burden of supporting their mother if you cut her income in half? Children that may already be seeing their mother struggle on a very low income? Children that may not react well to what you want to do?

Now, of course if she remarried or has some other source of income many of these points to ponder would not be relevant.

However, because she is also 75 you honestly do have to be cognizant of her circumstances as well as yours...because that WILL be a factor in any decision a judge makes. If she is already living below, close to, or at the poverty level, and you are not, that is a significant factor.

If she is living well, due to a remarriage, or an inheritance, then that is also a very significant factor.

These are all points to ponder because of one very big mistake!!

The judge with all their wisdom and POWER provided OP's ex with a crutch for life and NO damn incentive to go out and support herself and it's been 30 years!!

This OP is 75 years old and deserves better than to be a work horse for someone he divorced 30 damn YEARS ago!!

This guy has taken this BS for 30 YEARS!! Well guess what ladies, your free ride is coming to an end because Generation X WILL NOT in any way put up with the BS that this guy did!!

 

[LdiJ]

These are all points to ponder because of one very big mistake!!

The judge with all their wisdom and POWER provided OP's ex with a crutch for life and NO damn incentive to go out and support herself and it's been 30 years!!

This OP is 75 years old and deserves better than to be a work horse for someone he divorced 30 damn YEARS ago!!

This guy has taken this BS for 30 YEARS!! Well guess what ladies, your free ride is coming to an end because Generation X WILL NOT in any way put up with the BS that this guy did!!

And this entire rant is completely irrelevant as to the law and how things would be viewed by a judge...and is completely unhelpful to the OP.

He has to deal with the reality of his situation NOW. Not as how it might have been had things been done differently 30 years ago, if it even could have been done differently 30 years ago.

What's ironic is if the gender roles were reversed, you would be cheering on the man.

 

[Bali Hai]

And this entire rant is completely irrelevant as to the law and how things would be viewed by a judge...and is completely unhelpful to the OP.

He has to deal with the reality of his situation NOW. Not as how it might have been had things been done differently 30 years ago, if it even could have been done differently 30 years ago.

What's ironic is if the gender roles were reversed, you would be cheering on the man.

Yes you're right.

 

[Bali Hai]

And this entire rant is completely irrelevant as to the law and how things would be viewed by a judge...and is completely unhelpful to the OP.

He has to deal with the reality of his situation NOW. Not as how it might have been had things been done differently 30 years ago, if it even could have been done differently 30 years ago.

What's ironic is if the gender roles were reversed, you would be cheering on the man.

I hope this message gets to you before I'm banned again.

Yes I would be cheering the man.

Women hate paying alimony just as much or even MORE than men do!! Read the NEWS!!

 

[JudnKY]

Let this be a lesson to anyone thinking they just want out and don't need an attorney. Thanks for all your comments but I still need direction as to jurisdiction. Then I can try to find an attorney in the right state.

One thing you all have not pointed out when judges make these kind of decisions is that my current wife is actually the one paying my ex who never did work even tho I bought her a florist business when I left. I lost my retirement healthcare when my company was acquired and devoured and my younger wife has to work and apply for early social security just to pay my ex and the additioal healthcare costs. This is a crazy world we have created. J

 

[Bali Hai]

Let this be a lesson to anyone thinking they just want out and don't need an attorney. Thanks for all your comments but I still need direction as to jurisdiction. Then I can try to find an attorney in the right state.

One thing you all have not pointed out when judges make these kind of decisions is that my current wife is actually the one paying my ex who never did work even tho I bought her a florist business when I left. I lost my retirement healthcare when my company was acquired and devoured and my younger wife has to work and apply for early social security just to pay my ex and the additioal healthcare costs. This is a crazy world we have created. J

Amen to that brother!!

I forgot to add that you are a man seeking information about how to reduce or eliminate paying alimony to a woman. FORGET IT!!

If you were a woman seeking information about how to get MORE alimony, you would have been FLOODED with responses!!