MESP and Alimony

[stinacj]

What is the name of your state? NJ

We were married 8 years and have 1 child 4 yrs old. Home is in foreclosure and we have had a tremendous amount of debt. Neither one of us could afford representation without borrowing from family.
The terms of spousal support are 4 years 175 per week. I earned 57,000 in 06. My wife earns 33,000… child support is 123 per wk.

I have had a hard time with my lawyer's response among other things. My MESP was a week ago. The panel suggested a term and amount of alimony that I could not afford. I explained this to my attorney and he recommended that I still take the deal.
Well I did accept the terms of the settlement and immediately realized that I had made a huge mistake by taking it. I simply can not afford the amount that was suggested. So I called my attorney and told him I can’t go through with it and then he began to explain that if it goes to trial he would need several thousand dollars up front. I do not make very much money let alone have any money put aside to give towards a trial. He said he would speak to the judge and tell him we will not sign. As far as I know he did and I am set to go next week. The only thing holding this up is the spousal support… I have a child due with another woman in less than a month; my expenses are really going to climb for the next 5 years.
What are the chances that the judge will hear my case without my attorney present and will the judge actually consider changing or lowering the alimony amount?
What can I expect going in to court Pro-Se? Worse?
Is there a smarter approach that I should take?
Did I possibly make the biggest mistake of my life by saying yes on that day? – Please tell me it’s not that bad…
Considering that we were in debt and had filed bankruptcy and lost our home during our marriage… what kind of life style could she be expected to continue if the life style was poor to begin with? This is what I can’t understand.

Do I have a chance at all?

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by stinacj

What is the name of your state? NJ

We were married 8 years and have 1 child 4 yrs old. Home is in foreclosure and we have had a tremendous amount of debt. Neither one of us could afford representation without borrowing from family.
The terms of spousal support are 4 years 175 per week. I earned 57,000 in 06. My wife earns 33,000… child support is 123 per wk.

I have had a hard time with my lawyer's response among other things. My MESP was a week ago. The panel suggested a term and amount of alimony that I could not afford. I explained this to my attorney and he recommended that I still take the deal.
Well I did accept the terms of the settlement and immediately realized that I had made a huge mistake by taking it. I simply can not afford the amount that was suggested. So I called my attorney and told him I can’t go through with it and then he began to explain that if it goes to trial he would need several thousand dollars up front. I do not make very much money let alone have any money put aside to give towards a trial. He said he would speak to the judge and tell him we will not sign. As far as I know he did and I am set to go next week. The only thing holding this up is the spousal support… I have a child due with another woman in less than a month; my expenses are really going to climb for the next 5 years.

This does not matter at all. What it shows is you committed adultery. Legally you do not have an obligation to support your mistress.


What are the chances that the judge will hear my case without my attorney present and will the judge actually consider changing or lowering the alimony amount?

Actually your attorney has to be there if your attorney has NOT received permission to withdraw. So you will be paying for your attorney's time.


What can I expect going in to court Pro-Se? Worse?

YOu can expect to be held to the standards of an attorney and to represent yourself accordingly following all laws and rules of the court. If your wife gets an attorney you can most likely expect that you will have a hard time and most probably lose.


Is there a smarter approach that I should take?

You should not bring up that you cannot afford $175 a week because your mistress got pregnant. You should probably consider the reasons why $175 a week was suggested. What is your child support responsibility for your son? Is day care factored in to that?


Did I possibly make the biggest mistake of my life by saying yes on that day? – Please tell me it’s not that bad…
Considering that we were in debt and had filed bankruptcy and lost our home during our marriage… what kind of life style could she be expected to continue if the life style was poor to begin with? This is what I can’t understand.

Do I have a chance at all?

She can expect to be able to provide a home for your son and live as though you two were still married. If you filed bankruptcy what kind of debt still remains?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

She can expect to be able to provide a home for your son and live as though you two were still married. If you filed bankruptcy what kind of debt still remains?

That is unrealistic except under the most rare of circumstances and you and every judge knows this.

This is what burns every mans ass about these rediculous alimony laws.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by stinacj

What is the name of your state? NJ

We were married 8 years and have 1 child 4 yrs old. Home is in foreclosure and we have had a tremendous amount of debt. Neither one of us could afford representation without borrowing from family.
The terms of spousal support are 4 years 175 per week. I earned 57,000 in 06. My wife earns 33,000… child support is 123 per wk.

I have had a hard time with my lawyer's response among other things. My MESP was a week ago. The panel suggested a term and amount of alimony that I could not afford. I explained this to my attorney and he recommended that I still take the deal.
Well I did accept the terms of the settlement and immediately realized that I had made a huge mistake by taking it. I simply can not afford the amount that was suggested. So I called my attorney and told him I can’t go through with it and then he began to explain that if it goes to trial he would need several thousand dollars up front. I do not make very much money let alone have any money put aside to give towards a trial. He said he would speak to the judge and tell him we will not sign. As far as I know he did and I am set to go next week. The only thing holding this up is the spousal support… I have a child due with another woman in less than a month; my expenses are really going to climb for the next 5 years.
What are the chances that the judge will hear my case without my attorney present and will the judge actually consider changing or lowering the alimony amount?
What can I expect going in to court Pro-Se? Worse?
Is there a smarter approach that I should take?
Did I possibly make the biggest mistake of my life by saying yes on that day? – Please tell me it’s not that bad…
Considering that we were in debt and had filed bankruptcy and lost our home during our marriage… what kind of life style could she be expected to continue if the life style was poor to begin with? This is what I can’t understand.

Do I have a chance at all?

Your salary 57k minus your wife's salary 33k = 24k divided by 2 = 12k would equalize the earnings.

The judge COULD order you to pay that amount (12k) for MORE than 4 years.

It's a crap shoot when you let the court decide. The judges decision cannot be predicted. You could be better off with your agreement or not.

My GUESS is you you are better off taking the present deal.

[stinacj]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

She can expect to be able to provide a home for your son and live as though you two were still married. If you filed bankruptcy what kind of debt still remains?

Thank you for your comments.

I guess my concerns are with the support of the child. i would be responsible for day care or at least half plus child support. With that considered along with the alimony i am unable to support myself. i would not be able to rent an appartment or buy a car... She has kept all of what we call equitible distribution, furniture, bed, appliances etc.

our bankruptcy was filed jointly several years ago. after it discharged we ended up in the same financial postition again. So our home will be expected to owe roughly 70k plus another 25k in credit card and auto debt. most of this debt is under my name. so in a round about way i will be paying the debt my self.

[stinacj]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

Your salary 57k minus your wife's salary 33k = 24k divided by 2 = 12k would equalize the earnings.

The judge COULD order you to pay that amount (12k) for MORE than 4 years.

It's a crap shoot when you let the court decide. The judges decision cannot be predicted. You could be better off with your agreement or not.

My GUESS is you you are better off taking the present deal.

thank you for your comments.

Typically why would a judge order me to pay more on an 8 year marrige and what about my living expenses. she has her own place and her own car. i have neither yet.

[stinacj]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

This does not matter at all. What it shows is you committed adultery.

Im sorry to sound like such a scum bag. It wasnt quite as bad as it may sound. we were seperated and i wanted a divorce and i wanted to sell the home long before i got involved with someone. i know this doesnt matter to the court. its just i feel like i need to explain.

[stinacj]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

You should not bring up that you cannot afford $175 a week because your mistress got pregnant. You should probably consider the reasons why $175 a week was suggested. What is your child support responsibility for your son? Is day care factored in to that?

I missed this.

I am not sure of that. Probably not. My wife has her mother inlaw watch my daughter. she doesnt get paid because she lives for free and collects disability. so there is no day care cost. my daughter will start school -pre-k - this year

however the daycare for my son that will be born in the next few weeks, will be in day care starting in June.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by stinacj

thank you for your comments.

Typically why would a judge order me to pay more on an 8 year marrige and what about my living expenses. she has her own place and her own car. i have neither yet.

You'll need to ask the judge that question.

You are about to discover that the judge doesn't care about you or your living expenses.

[stinacj]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

You'll need to ask the judge that question.

You are about to discover that the judge doesn't care about you or your living expenses.

is that because the judge is more concerned about my spouses expenses? or is the expense thing not relevant to either parties?
thank you again for your time..

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by stinacj

is that because the judge is more concerned about my spouses expenses? or is the expense thing not relevant to either parties?
thank you again for your time..

Let me put it to you this way:

If you think for one New York Minute that you will be standing next to your wife in divorce court as an equal receiving justice and fairness under the law, YOU ARE WRONG!

[stinacj]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

Let me put it to you this way:

If you think for one New York Minute that you will be standing next to your wife in divorce court as an equal receiving justice and fairness under the law, YOU ARE WRONG!

Thank you. I was afraid of that.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by stinacj

Thank you for your comments.

I guess my concerns are with the support of the child. i would be responsible for day care or at least half plus child support. With that considered along with the alimony i am unable to support myself. i would not be able to rent an appartment or buy a car... She has kept all of what we call equitible distribution, furniture, bed, appliances etc.

our bankruptcy was filed jointly several years ago. after it discharged we ended up in the same financial postition again. So our home will be expected to owe roughly 70k plus another 25k in credit card and auto debt. most of this debt is under my name. so in a round about way i will be paying the debt my self.

Ok...lets look at this from a different perspective.

Your wife makes 33,000 per year, and you make 57,000

157.00 a week in alimony equals 9100.00 which is tax deductible to you and taxable to her.
123.00 a week in child support equals 6396.00 which is not tax deductible, so it may be worth 8528.00 pre tax.

Your income minus 9100.00 is 47900.00
Her income plus 9100.00 equals 42100.00

You both have to support your child out of the above incomes.

So, you are saying that you won't be able to afford to live on what is left over after supporting your child, but you expect her to do so on less money? Ok, yes, once you pay the child support she will have more than you, but she will also be fulling supporting the child with that money. How do you expect her to do that if you won't be able to do that?

[stinacj]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Ok...lets look at this from a different perspective.

Your wife makes 33,000 per year, and you make 57,000

157.00 a week in alimony equals 9100.00 which is tax deductible to you and taxable to her.
123.00 a week in child support equals 6396.00 which is not tax deductible, so it may be worth 8528.00 pre tax.

Your income minus 9100.00 is 47900.00
Her income plus 9100.00 equals 42100.00

You both have to support your child out of the above incomes.

So, you are saying that you won't be able to afford to live on what is left over after supporting your child, but you expect her to do so on less money? Ok, yes, once you pay the child support she will have more than you, but she will also be fulling supporting the child with that money. How do you expect her to do that if you won't be able to do that?

Thank you. I understand your point. Yes there seems to be a benefit considering the detection.
I am not questioning Child support. I am only questioning the Spousal support. It appears that she can already support herself with her own salary plus child support since she was able to buy a new car and get an apartment. Our daughter does not have any day care expense.
What I don’t seem to understand is how I could be expected to support (alimony) her when there is another child coming who will need my support and need to be in day care. When I look at all of the numbers as a whole inculding alimony there isn’t anything left for me to support myself - rent, auto, insurance etc. This is what has me scared. Now if I get a second job to off set some of this, she will be entitled to some of that as well right? So again i am not questioning child support for either child just the alimony.
I'm sorry if i seem redundant.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by stinacj

Thank you. I understand your point. Yes there seems to be a benefit considering the detection.
I am not questioning Child support. I am only questioning the Spousal support. It appears that she can already support herself with her own salary plus child support since she was able to buy a new car and get an apartment. Our daughter does not have any day care expense.
What I don’t seem to understand is how I could be expected to support (alimony) her when there is another child coming who will need my support and need to be in day care. When I look at all of the numbers as a whole inculding alimony there isn’t anything left for me to support myself - rent, auto, insurance etc. This is what has me scared. Now if I get a second job to off set some of this, she will be entitled to some of that as well right? So again i am not questioning child support for either child just the alimony.
I'm sorry if i seem redundant.

You are going to have 47,000 gross income after alimony. After taxes and child support you are still going to have about 32-33 thousand left. That isn't nothing.

Perhaps you need to adjust your withholding to reflect your new circumstances?