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Not a cent of alimony

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tinkerbell2011

Junior Member
State of Virginia, I was married for 11 years and divorced in 2006. My ex-husband was ordered to pay me alimony, however has NOT ONCE done so. I was advised by my then lawyer, that I had to wait a certain amount of years before "we" could tentatively do something about it. I however don't feel that, that is right. I dropped it and waited and have asked her about it in years past however his answer has been the same every time. Is there a certain amount of time that I have in the state of Virginia to do something about it?
 


Isis1

Senior Member
State of Virginia, I was married for 11 years and divorced in 2006. My ex-husband was ordered to pay me alimony, however has NOT ONCE done so. I was advised by my then lawyer, that I had to wait a certain amount of years before "we" could tentatively do something about it. I however don't feel that, that is right. I dropped it and waited and have asked her about it in years past however his answer has been the same every time. Is there a certain amount of time that I have in the state of Virginia to do something about it?
you need to speak to another attorney. several years ago.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
State of Virginia, I was married for 11 years and divorced in 2006. My ex-husband was ordered to pay me alimony, however has NOT ONCE done so. I was advised by my then lawyer, that I had to wait a certain amount of years before "we" could tentatively do something about it. I however don't feel that, that is right. I dropped it and waited and have asked her about it in years past however his answer has been the same every time. Is there a certain amount of time that I have in the state of Virginia to do something about it?
It appears you are surviving without the alimony. Why was it ordered?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
And someday soon state legislatures across the nation will slowly but inevitably do away with such thinking.
That is a tough one Dave....

I honestly believe that for long term marriages alimony is often just...whether its the husband or wife receiving it. Sometimes its just for rehabilitative purposes and sometimes its just on a long term basis.

Maybe what we should hope is that each case would be examined very carefully to determine the justness of alimony.

I don't think that someone should receive it if they can live decently with adequate resources without it, but I also don't think that a spouse, in a long term marriage should be kicked to the curb with no resources to keep themselves out of poverty and off the welfare rolls.

My parents were married for over 50 years. I would have expected my dad to provide alimony to my mom if he had kicked her to the curb after 25 or 30 of those years, on a permanent basis.

However when my ex husband and I split, I never considered alimony even though he made more money than I did at the time. Why?, because I made enough to live on decently, and didn't need or want to be dependent on him.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
That is a tough one Dave....

I honestly believe that for long term marriages alimony is often just...whether its the husband or wife receiving it. Sometimes its just for rehabilitative purposes and sometimes its just on a long term basis.

Maybe what we should hope is that each case would be examined very carefully to determine the justness of alimony.

I don't think that someone should receive it if they can live decently with adequate resources without it, but I also don't think that a spouse, in a long term marriage should be kicked to the curb with no resources to keep themselves out of poverty and off the welfare rolls.

My parents were married for over 50 years. I would have expected my dad to provide alimony to my mom if he had kicked her to the curb after 25 or 30 of those years, on a permanent basis.

However when my ex husband and I split, I never considered alimony even though he made more money than I did at the time. Why?, because I made enough to live on decently, and didn't need or want to be dependent on him.
The problem is that alimony is becoming automatic in many cases where it should be "examined very carefully".

A law was just passed in my state where temporary alimony is required and if the judge doesn't order temporary support during the proceedings, a written detailed explanation must be provided. If spouse A earns $200k per year and the other earns $100k per year, spouse A automaticall pays the other spouse $20k per year. See calculator below.

http://www.nycourts.gov/divorce/calculator.pdf

We live in a different age than your parents did. The "traditional marriage" is all but dead. Women wanted equal rights and now they've got them. They have MORE rights than men when applying for a job. With those equal rights comes the responsibility of standing on your own two feet. The problem is that women want equal rights but demand to be treated as in the past when they had no rights when it comes to alimony.
 

davew128

Senior Member
That is a tough one Dave....

I honestly believe that for long term marriages alimony is often just...whether its the husband or wife receiving it. Sometimes its just for rehabilitative purposes and sometimes its just on a long term basis.

Maybe what we should hope is that each case would be examined very carefully to determine the justness of alimony.

I don't think that someone should receive it if they can live decently with adequate resources without it, but I also don't think that a spouse, in a long term marriage should be kicked to the curb with no resources to keep themselves out of poverty and off the welfare rolls.

My parents were married for over 50 years. I would have expected my dad to provide alimony to my mom if he had kicked her to the curb after 25 or 30 of those years, on a permanent basis.

However when my ex husband and I split, I never considered alimony even though he made more money than I did at the time. Why?, because I made enough to live on decently, and didn't need or want to be dependent on him.
Now you're off on a tangent. I was responding to the specific comment of "As in most states, alimony is not determined solely on the basis of needs and being able to survive without it is not a bar to an order for alimony".

But since you brought it up, I do not believe in the idea of lifetime alimony for ANY reason regardless of circumstances. If hypothetically your dad kicked your mom to the curb agyer 25-30 years, at what point should she not get a job and support herself? Never?

It's like Maria Shriver deciding not to go back into television and asking for a RIDICULOUS amount of alimony from Ahnold.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Now you're off on a tangent. I was responding to the specific comment of "As in most states, alimony is not determined solely on the basis of needs and being able to survive without it is not a bar to an order for alimony".

But since you brought it up, I do not believe in the idea of lifetime alimony for ANY reason regardless of circumstances. If hypothetically your dad kicked your mom to the curb agyer 25-30 years, at what point should she not get a job and support herself? Never?

It's like Maria Shriver deciding not to go back into television and asking for a RIDICULOUS amount of alimony from Ahnold.
Unfortunately, you and Bali don't write the laws. Legally, it can be awarded.

Is it abused? Probably. But there are certainly cases where a spouse is entitled to long term alimony due to the decisions that a couple makes. Under some scenarios, one spouse essentially has to forget any chance of ever having a career - and the other spouse shouldn't be able to simply walk away because they found a younger model.
 

davew128

Senior Member
Unfortunately, you and Bali don't write the laws.
Speaking solely for myself, that IS part of the problem. :D

Is it abused? Probably.
Part of it is the law. Massachusetts has lifetime alimony, and men are paying alimony for decades after having been married for 3-5 years. Seriously?

But there are certainly cases where a spouse is entitled to long term alimony due to the decisions that a couple makes. Under some scenarios, one spouse essentially has to forget any chance of ever having a career - and the other spouse shouldn't be able to simply walk away because they found a younger model.
Pass a tissue, I'm going to cry. How dare people be held accountable for decisions they willingly made.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Speaking solely for myself, that IS part of the problem. :D

Part of it is the law. Massachusetts has lifetime alimony, and men are paying alimony for decades after having been married for 3-5 years. Seriously?

Pass a tissue, I'm going to cry. How dare people be held accountable for decisions they willingly made.


Outside of cases where disability is involved, exactly how much case law is there supporting that?
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Part of it is the law. Massachusetts has lifetime alimony, and men are paying alimony for decades after having been married for 3-5 years. Seriously?
How often does that happen?

Now, let's calculate how often a high income person tries to throw a long-term spouse to the curb with nothing.

Pass a tissue, I'm going to cry. How dare people be held accountable for decisions they willingly made.
Yeah. It's really a shame that those high income people who make a deal with a stay-at-home spouse or who let their spouse put them through school or who drag their spouse all over the world so that the spouse can't easily have a career refuse to take responsibility for their part in that decision. What you and Bali keep ignoring is that the decision for one spouse to stay home is a MUTUAL decision - so why should only one spouse suffer?

Now, I don't believe that lifetime alimony should be that common. At one point, the people reach retirement age and since assets (including retirement accounts) will generally be split 50:50, then they should both have the resources for retirement. But long term alimony for before retirement? There are plenty of cases where it's justified.
 

davew128

Senior Member
Outside of cases where disability is involved, exactly how much case law is there supporting that?
It's statutory insomuch as the law doesn't provide a time limit on alimony, and there are documented cases of men paying alimony for decades after a short term marriage.

Here's a recent news story on it. Daily Journal - Bill to end 'lifetime alimony' in Massachusetts approved by House lawmakers

Other Boston dailies have covered this issue over the last couple years as well.
 

davew128

Senior Member
How often does that happen?
Once is too often.

Now, let's calculate how often a high income person tries to throw a long-term spouse to the curb with nothing.
Yes, lets.



Yeah. It's really a shame that those high income people who make a deal with a stay-at-home spouse or who let their spouse put them through school or who drag their spouse all over the world so that the spouse can't easily have a career refuse to take responsibility for their part in that decision. What you and Bali keep ignoring is that the decision for one spouse to stay home is a MUTUAL decision - so why should only one spouse suffer?
Please refer back to my comment about the part where the decision was knowingly and willingly made. Adults can choose NOT to stay at home. Adults SHOULD choose not to stay at home.

But long term alimony for before retirement? There are plenty of cases where it's justified.
Just not for mature able bodied adults.
 

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