Pregnant and Need to Leave

[geraldine17]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas



I am about to enter my second trimester of pregnancy. I have hyperemesis and was put on bed rest last Friday for a threatened miscarriage.

My husband and I have two other children. I was quite ill while pregnant with both of them, too.

I was a stay at home mom from August 2001 until November 2004. I worked from November 2004 until February 2007. I've been a stay at home mom again since then.

My husband has withdrawn completely with this pregnancy. He goes out with friends, goes out of town. He said his heart isn't in taking care of me. He complained that I am always sick when I am pregnant and should just get used to it. His neglect has made me feel terrible. Even if he doesn't love me anymore, it doesn't make sense that he wouldn't help take care of the kids...including the one I'm pregnant with. I just couldn't find a way to explain his actions. He just unexpectedly and abruptly pulled away.

I found out yesterday that he is having an affair. I think it has been going on since early August.

Under most circumstances, I would stick it out and make the marriage work for the sake of co-parenting our children. I don't think I can get past the neglect AND the affair.

I want to leave and take the children with me but I have few resources available to me. I have no money, I have nowhere to go, and I can't throw my husband out because we're living in a house owned by his parents. They do not like me. Even if I was successful in getting my husband to leave, they would come evict me. We have no lease.

From what I understand, in my state, there is no legal separation and you can't get divorced when you are pregnant. (Or, in the man's case, you can't divorce your pregnant wife.) Is that true?

What other options do I have? I just don't know what to do. My husband is out of town this week and doesn't know that I know about the affair. Should I save that for the divorce proceedings?

I apologize for the length of this post, I just wanted to make sure to provide all of the details. Also, my head is still spinning from...well, everything.

Thank you.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Okay.

I found out yesterday that he is having an affair. I think it has been going on since early August.

How did you find out he is having an affair? What proof do you have?

Under most circumstances, I would stick it out and make the marriage work for the sake of co-parenting our children. I don't think I can get past the neglect AND the affair.

Truthfully you are not being neglected.

I want to leave and take the children with me but I have few resources available to me. I have no money, I have nowhere to go, and I can't throw my husband out because we're living in a house owned by his parents. They do not like me. Even if I was successful in getting my husband to leave, they would come evict me. We have no lease.

You can't throw your husband out because the two of you are married and he is entitled to access to the marital home until a court order states otherwise -- as are you.

From what I understand, in my state, there is no legal separation and you can't get divorced when you are pregnant. (Or, in the man's case, you can't divorce your pregnant wife.) Is that true?

A divorce will NOT be finalized when the wife is pregnant.

What other options do I have? I just don't know what to do. My husband is out of town this week and doesn't know that I know about the affair. Should I save that for the divorce proceedings?

You can file for divorce. Are you SURE he is having an affair? Truthfully now is not a great time for you to be making a decision. Counseling may be a better first step than jumping into divorce.

I apologize for the length of this post, I just wanted to make sure to provide all of the details. Also, my head is still spinning from...well, everything.

Thank you.

Another reason why you should take a step back and not jump at divorce, leaving or anything else.

 

[geraldine17]

Okay.

How did you find out he is having an affair? What proof do you have?

Text messages from his phone. I moved them from his phone to my computer after I found them.

Truthfully you are not being neglected.

I think that I am being neglected because I am on bed rest because I am pregnant with his child. I absolutely think that he has to take some care of his children. (Under ordinary circumstances, I would be fine providing 100% of the care for our children, it's my job. My bed rest was ordered by my doctor.) He is instead coming home to sleep for four hours or so at a time, and then gone again.

But I can agree to disagree.

You can't throw your husband out because the two of you are married and he is entitled to access to the marital home until a court order states otherwise -- as are you.

Is the court order that would remove one of us from the home part of a divorce proceeding or is it something separate from it?

A divorce will NOT be finalized when the wife is pregnant.

How would our responsibilities differ between filing for divorce and being granted a divorce?

You can file for divorce. Are you SURE he is having an affair? Truthfully now is not a great time for you to be making a decision. Counseling may be a better first step than jumping into divorce.

Yes, I am unfortunately sure. Due to some of the things the texts revealed, I don't want to stay married to him. I know it isn't a great time to be making a decision. I wish I wasn't in this position more than anything. I wish I could un-know it.

Thanks for your quick response.

 

[Ohiogal]

Text messages from his phone. I moved them from his phone to my computer after I found them.

Is the phone in your name? How did you get ahold of his phone? What exactly did the text messages state?

I think that I am being neglected because I am on bed rest because I am pregnant with his child. I absolutely think that he has to take some care of his children. (Under ordinary circumstances, I would be fine providing 100% of the care for our children, it's my job. My bed rest was ordered by my doctor.) He is instead coming home to sleep for four hours or so at a time, and then gone again.

Who takes care of the children when they are home if dad is not home and you are on bedrest? What type of work does dad do? What are his normal work hours?

But I can agree to disagree.

A court is not going to see it LEGALLY as neglect. That is the point and that is what matters. Disagree if you want but you have a roof over your head, food on the table and necessities are provided.

Is the court order that would remove one of us from the home part of a divorce proceeding or is it something separate from it?

Yes. It depends on why one of you is being removed. There are many reasons why people can be removed. In this case however a court may not order either of you to be removed.

How would our responsibilities differ between filing for divorce and being granted a divorce?

They may not differ at all.

Yes, I am unfortunately sure. Due to some of the things the texts revealed, I don't want to stay married to him. I know it isn't a great time to be making a decision. I wish I wasn't in this position more than anything. I wish I could un-know it.

Okay.

Thanks for your quick response.

Welcome.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to disagree about the neglect issue. If she has been ordered on bed rest, and she is unable to follow those orders because of his lack of assistance with the children and with helping her, then I think that meets the criteria for medical neglect.

 

[Silverplum]

I am going to disagree about the neglect issue. If she has been ordered on bed rest, and she is unable to follow those orders because of his lack of assistance with the children and with helping her, then I think that meets the criteria for medical neglect.

What criteria?

Why doesn't the poster hire a sitter?

Does it take a genius to figure that one out, or is it just me?

 

[Ohiogal]

I am going to disagree about the neglect issue. If she has been ordered on bed rest, and she is unable to follow those orders because of his lack of assistance with the children and with helping her, then I think that meets the criteria for medical neglect.

No it doesn't. Medical neglect is not getting (neglecting to get) proper medical treatment. As an adult she has a right to hire a sitter or take steps on her own to get such treatment. it is not as though she needs him to make her appointments or make decisions for her. She is competent. If she were incompetent legally that would be a different story. Legally it is NOT neglect.

 

[Silverplum]

No it doesn't. Medical neglect is not getting (neglecting to get) proper medical treatment. As an adult she has a right to hire a sitter or take steps on her own to get such treatment. it is not as though she needs him to make her appointments or make decisions for her. She is competent. If she were incompetent legally that would be a different story. Legally it is NOT neglect.

Ta-Da!

 

[Humusluvr]

Why is this filed under alimony?

To the OP, I had a similar thing happen while I was prego, so I feel for you. Wait til you are no longer with child, send the kiddos to grandmas house so you don't have to worry about them, and try to take it easy for the remainder of your pregnancy.

When you are no longer pregnant, then file for divorce. Get a good attorney, but realize that you are not assured anything.

I personally hope you can nail his coffin closed (not legal advice). But, realize that someone like Ohiogal could be HIS attorney. Stay strong, get educated (stay on the forum and read about custody and child support) and prepare yourself.

Best of luck to you.