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Proving Cohabitation

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Desperate one

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?I live in Vermont, as does my ex wife. Right now I have to pay my ex almost half my salary in spousal maintenance because she claimed to not have worked during our 20 year marriage, which was not true. She always had a part-time job, but the judge believed everything she said and my lawyer was useless. Near the end of our marriage she worked under the table, and only claimed half of the income on the tax returns and therefore only claimed to make half of what she actually makes when we went to court. She also got the house and everything in it, supposedly because we still had a 16 year child at home. Now, she has a boyfriend whom I hear is living with her. I want to try to prove this in court so the alimony can be dropped, but I do not know what methods will hold up in court. I don't have a lawyer now because I can not afford one, as I still owe the one I used previously lots of money. Would video taping the guy going in at night and leaving every mornig for a week be enough proof? Or is there something else the court would need as proof. Obviously my kids won't testify, and I don't want to ask them to do that anyway. I just feel like it's not fair that I am here struggling to make ends meet week to week and she's sitting pretty with her boyfriend enjoying the house I bought, with all the furniture I paid for, and the nice garage I built and the pool I paid for! Also, we were married 20 years but she got the spousal maintenance for 15!!!!!! How is that fair?? We were both 42 at the time, so we both have time to start over so why so long with the alimony?? So, again what proof do I need in court to prove cohabitation? If anyone knows, I would greatly appreciate the help.
 


4nomore

Junior Member
Well. To start with 15 years of alimony for a 20 year marriage is not alot. After 10 years of marriage it usually states in the divorce doc no end date just "until further order of the court" If you have an end date count yourself lucky. Some with long term marriages could pay forever.

Its not just proving the BF is living there but paying some of the bills to run the house as well. Then you could say that she does not need full support since another is also paying the bills. Its unlikey your pmts would end all together. I am sure the ex would say he just comes and goes but does not live there
 

Desperate one

Junior Member
The divorce stipulated that she would get the alimony for 15 years and would terminate upon remarriage or cohabitation. I realize the burden of proof is on me, so I am desperate to know what proof I need that will hold up in court. I figure even if I can't prove it now, there may come a time when I can and I want to be prepared. Also, since I do not have a lawyer I was wondering if it's possible to subpoena her bank records to prove the boyfriend is giving her money, or even to prove that she makes more money than she claims to make. Does anyone know if I can get a subpoena, and if so how do I go about doing this???
 
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bononos

Senior Member
Please, someone corect me if I am wrong, I don't want to advise you to do something illegal, but I believe you can go garbage picking. Once garbage is out you may sneak over, throw a bag in your trunk and root through it. Hopefully there are some bills in his name or something.
Sounds like fun, huh?
Don't get caught!
 

RoxieHart

Junior Member
OOoooh... i definetly think that is legal, after all you do see all those shows where they dig stuff out of the trash and make it something super expensive!
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Desperate one said:
The divorce stipulated that she would get the alimony for 15 years and would terminate upon remarriage or cohabitation. I realize the burden of proof is on me, so I am desperate to know what proof I need that will hold up in court. I figure even if I can't prove it now, there may come a time when I can and I want to be prepared. Also, since I do not have a lawyer I was wondering if it's possible to subpoena her bank records to prove the boyfriend is giving her money, or even to prove that she makes more money than she claims to make. Does anyone know if I can get a subpoena, and if so how do I go about doing this???
Since the divorce stipulated that it would terminate upon marriage or cohabitation, unless you suspect that she was making really significant money it probably wouldn't be worth your while to attempt to subpeona bank or earnings records. Earnings really only matter if they are signficant and there is no ending date for the alimony.

The only thing that is really going to help you is proving that she is cohabitating. Remember, if he has his own home where he pays all of his own bills..but just stays at her home alot, that isn't cohabitating. Cohabitating is where they share a single home and the bills associated with that single home.

I don't know how long you have been divorced, however I assume that you realize that the alimony is above the line tax deductible to you, and taxable income to her? Make sure that you are taking the tax break that you are entitled to recieve.
 

ablessin

Member
RoxieHart said:
OOoooh... i definetly think that is legal, after all you do see all those shows where they dig stuff out of the trash and make it something super expensive!
Once the trash can is on public property ANYONE can go through it!!!!!!!!

It's free for the picking, if you want to try that, it's a very good way to confirm your thoughts.
 

pointedhead

Junior Member
Well. To start with 15 years of alimony for a 20 year marriage is not alot. After 10 years of marriage it usually states in the divorce doc no end date just "until further order of the court" If you have an end date count yourself lucky. Some with long term marriages could pay forever.

Its not just proving the BF is living there but paying some of the bills to run the house as well. Then you could say that she does not need full support since another is also paying the bills. Its unlikey your pmts would end all together. I am sure the ex would say he just comes and goes but does not live there
What if she moves in with him;totally and still paying his own bills?
 

lost18018

Junior Member
cohabitation

I am not sure how it works in your state, in the state of New Jersey one files a motion to reduce or eliminate alimony (depends on what your divorce papers say) based on "changed circumstances". If you can prove that your ex is cohabitating with her boyfriend, then it is up to the ex to prove that this cohabitation is of no economic benefit to them. Once you file the motion the judge usually orders a hearing for which you do discovery. the ex spouse has to then provide you and the courts with documentation about her finances ect. the state of new jersey also requires that one show that the couple are presenting themselves to the community and family as a couple, so try to get pictures of them taking trips, visiting friends ect. A private investigator is expensive but worth the expense.
 

lost18018

Junior Member
Why are you posting to something that is FOUR YEARS OLD?

because people read these that is why... the information is information. why are you worried about it?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
because people read these that is why... the information is information. why are you worried about it?
Because it is contrary to forum netiquette both to necropost and to post questions on someone else's thread.
 

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