She's Nuts! Please help

[autolocator21]

What is the name of your state? PA
My wife just recently filed for divorce. Originally I wasn't going to contest it, until I read the papers from her lawyer.
Let me give you the scenario:
1. The 2 (two) children 12 & 15, are going to live with me in our current residence, which we rent. The kids want it that way (I wonder why?)
doc reads: The lease will be written under my name only. She has 9 months to move out and find her own place.

2. Both cars are titled in my name and paid for.
doc reads: She will take possession and title of the '00 BMW 528i, the one she currently drives. She will be responsible for the insurance and maintenance. I will retain my '97 F-150 with title.

3. I have been gainfully employed, but not making the money I used to 3 years ago, which required her to "have to" work.

4. I'm applying for state assistance, next week, because we really need it. I have NEVER applied for such a thing. The kids' mom doesn't cook, clean; get the kids up in the morning for school, or shop. Business for her has been VERY slow lately, so I've been paying the bills solely. My kids need to eat healthy and nutritious meals. Macaroni/cheese and hot dogs are not the answer. The bills are backing up terribly and I couldn't get a part-time job if I wanted to. Who'll take care of my kids?
doc reads: She (wife) will pay for half the utilities, rent, household expenses, etc., until she moves out. I can't recoup any non-payment of bills, after that period.

Key Items in the divorce reads as follows:
a. No child support or alimony required by either of us.
b. I will have to cover her under COBRA for a period of 1 year, through my work which she has coverage on the family plan currently.
c. She owes $11k in back taxes. (She's a realtor and hasn't paid her quarterly taxes for the past 2 or 3 years. We normally filed jointly, but I think since she started working as a realtor, she never sent our taxes in, because she never saved the money to pay them. My taxes have been taken from my check every week, since I started working many years ago.)
doc reads: For us to file jointly for 2007 and we "split" the payment of the negative balance.
d. doc reads:She can write off my 12 year old every year and I can write off the 15 year old every year. [They're living with me, with no support from her (so far).]

There is no where in the divorce papers that she pays anything, except half the kids' doctor/dentist bills and post schooling. I don't have the money now to retain a lawyer. She retained her lawyer back in May. She took about $1200 from our bank account. Currently, we have separate accounts. She always handled the money, so I didn't know. Is there a way for me to get a lawyer? She wants me to sign these papers and tells me that they (divorce papers) are "fair". I'm not signing anything until I can be represented.

Please help! My kids love me and I love them 10x that. I just want to be able to survive and not harm them. They DO NOT want to live with her.What is the name of your state?

[penelope10]

I personally would not sign anything until I had an attorney look over the proposal. Do you have anyone that could loan you the money to do so?

[tuffbrk]

You absolutely do not want to sign that agreement - it's heavily skewed in her favor. You need to see if you can obtain legal assistance.

[penelope10]

Originally Posted by tuffbrk

You absolutely do not want to sign that agreement - it's heavily skewed in her favor. You need to see if you can obtain legal assistance.

Absolutely agree with you. OP needs to find a way to see an attorney.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Last i read, you can't waive child support. And when you apply for state assistance, they will force you to file for child support through the state before they even consider qualifying you for state assistance. and if i'm not mistaken, no matter what document you sign, you cannot waive your children's right for financial support.

[Golfball]

The absolute last person you should take legal advice from (such as whether an agreement is "fair" or not) is the STBX.

Especially if they actually say the agreement is "fair", rather than letting the agreement speak for itself.

You really need to get an attorney, beg, borrow, or otherwise legally acquire the funds for one.

[autolocator21]

I have already sought funds outside the home to retain an attorney. Unfortunately, I hit a dead end. Since she managed the household expenses, our credit is crap. I later found out that she paid shut-off notices. What! This divorce process is completely new to me, never experienced it when growing up or anything. I realize I have to retain an attorney before I sign anything.
I have a question for IsabellaSoriano: I don't quite understand what you meant by, "they will force you to file for child support through the state before they even consider qualifying you for state assistance." The divorce is not finalized. I'm applying for it this week. I don't want to waive the children's right for financial support. She needs to pay support if I'm raising the kids. I wish I could just do it on my own and basically, have nothing to do with her. This is the first time I'm applying for any kind of assistance whatsoever. I'm sure I'll have to resubmit for assistance after the divorce.

Again, I thank all that have replied. This surely isn't a pretty thing. Just to let you know, she did happen to blurt out, in front of the kids one day that she had cheated on me.
“How do you like that I was f***ing a doctor while you were making french fries at Arbys." I used to be an Assistant Manager there after I was laid off. In a subtle voice I told her, "They weren't french fries, they were curly fries." The kids and I did get a kick out it. I do keep a sense of humor, most of the time, but it's been getting tough.

[qurice]

Originally Posted by autolocator21

Just to let you know, she did happen to blurt out, in front of the kids one day that she had cheated on me.
“How do you like that I was f***ing a doctor while you were making french fries at Arbys." I used to be an Assistant Manager there after I was laid off. In a subtle voice I told her, "They weren't french fries, they were curly fries." The kids and I did get a kick out it. I do keep a sense of humor, most of the time, but it's been getting tough.

Haha! Great answer! I used to manage a fast food restaurant myself.

Get a lawyer any way you can.

[Golfball]

Originally Posted by autolocator21

I have already sought funds outside the home to retain an attorney. Unfortunately, I hit a dead end. Since she managed the household expenses, our credit is crap. I later found out that she paid shut-off notices. What! This divorce process is completely new to me, never experienced it when growing up or anything. I realize I have to retain an attorney before I sign anything.

Caveat: You don't have to retain an attorney, but it is a very good idea to do so. (No matter how much it pisses off the STBX. Me retaining an attorney (after my X had already done so) sent my X through the roof. On the other paw, I wouldn't have gotten the (negotiated) settlement I did get w/o my attorneys.)

I have a question for IsabellaSoriano: I don't quite understand what you meant by, "they will force you to file for child support through the state before they even consider qualifying you for state assistance." The divorce is not finalized. I'm applying for it this week. I don't want to waive the children's right for financial support. She needs to pay support if I'm raising the kids. I wish I could just do it on my own and basically, have nothing to do with her. This is the first time I'm applying for any kind of assistance whatsoever. I'm sure I'll have to resubmit for assistance after the divorce.

What she's referring to is that the state will not provide aid unless you have filed for child support. (Divorce wouldn't change this, either.) It will affect the aid formula as well, assuming you actually receive said support.

Again, I thank all that have replied. This surely isn't a pretty thing. Just to let you know, she did happen to blurt out, in front of the kids one day that she had cheated on me.
“How do you like that I was f***ing a doctor while you were making french fries at Arbys." I used to be an Assistant Manager there after I was laid off. In a subtle voice I told her, "They weren't french fries, they were curly fries." The kids and I did get a kick out it. I do keep a sense of humor, most of the time, but it's been getting tough.

Tell her that you're a screamer?

[autolocator21]

Originally Posted by Golfball

What she's referring to is that the state will not provide aid unless you have filed for child support. (Divorce wouldn't change this, either.) It will affect the aid formula as well, assuming you actually receive said support.

I don't mean to sound stupid, but you mean that I have to show proof that I filed for child support from her? We're not divorced yet. Currently, believe it or not, we're still residing under the same roof. You can't imagine! Ah, I'm sure u can. Does that make a difference?

PS "a screamer", that's a good one, really. I think the last time she heard me scream was when I told her to leave and stay out...lol

[Golfball]

Originally Posted by autolocator21

I don't mean to sound stupid, but you mean that I have to show proof that I filed for child support from her? We're not divorced yet. Currently, believe it or not, we're still residing under the same roof. You can't imagine! Ah, I'm sure u can. Does that make a difference?

That might make things a little murkier if you're still under the same roof, I don't know if the relevant agencies consider (and how they do so) that situation.

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by autolocator21

I have already sought funds outside the home to retain an attorney. Unfortunately, I hit a dead end. Since she managed the household expenses, our credit is crap. I later found out that she paid shut-off notices. What! This divorce process is completely new to me, never experienced it when growing up or anything. I realize I have to retain an attorney before I sign anything.
I have a question for IsabellaSoriano: I don't quite understand what you meant by, "they will force you to file for child support through the state before they even consider qualifying you for state assistance." The divorce is not finalized. I'm applying for it this week. I don't want to waive the children's right for financial support. She needs to pay support if I'm raising the kids. I wish I could just do it on my own and basically, have nothing to do with her. This is the first time I'm applying for any kind of assistance whatsoever. I'm sure I'll have to resubmit for assistance after the divorce.

Again, I thank all that have replied. This surely isn't a pretty thing. Just to let you know, she did happen to blurt out, in front of the kids one day that she had cheated on me.
“How do you like that I was f***ing a doctor while you were making french fries at Arbys." I used to be an Assistant Manager there after I was laid off. In a subtle voice I told her, "They weren't french fries, they were curly fries." The kids and I did get a kick out it. I do keep a sense of humor, most of the time, but it's been getting tough.

don't worry about it, go ahead and file for benefits. You do NOT have to be divorced to get them. and most states do NOT require you sign assignments of benefits (which WOULD come from your child support received) for anything other than CASH assistance. Your children already have two legal parents.

you CAN do it yourself (file for benefits), and it WILL have nothing to do with her.

GEEEZ Isabella.

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by Golfball

Caveat: You don't have to retain an attorney, but it is a very good idea to do so. (No matter how much it pisses off the STBX. Me retaining an attorney (after my X had already done so) sent my X through the roof. On the other paw, I wouldn't have gotten the (negotiated) settlement I did get w/o my attorneys.)




What she's referring to is that the state will not provide aid unless you have filed for child support. (Divorce wouldn't change this, either.) It will affect the aid formula as well, assuming you actually receive said support.

Tell her that you're a screamer?

that is NOT true. Married people get benefits all the time. People who are still married but in the process of a divorce get benefits. all the time. People who have lost their spouses somewhere along the way, or been lost BY them, get benefits. . . . all the time.

CSE may become involved if he asks for cash benefits (and in some states for other programs). Which probably wouldn't be a BAD thing anyway. But it would not STOP him from getting benefits, not unless he refused to cooperate in disclosing information about her.

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by Golfball

That might make things a little murkier if you're still under the same roof, I don't know if the relevant agencies consider (and how they do so) that situation.

he will have to have an affidavit that they prepare and purchase their meals separately, that their finances are separate. etc.

It WILL be hard to sell this one.

OP you might have mentioned the fact that you still LIVED together

[acmb05]

Originally Posted by fairisfair

he will have to have an affidavit that they prepare and purchase their meals separately, that their finances are separate. etc.

It WILL be hard to sell this one.

OP you might have mentioned the fact that you still LIVED together

I assumed they did by this statement:

Let me give you the scenario:
1. The 2 (two) children 12 & 15, are going to live with me in our current residence, which we rent. The kids want it that way (I wonder why?)
doc reads: The lease will be written under my name only. She has 9 months to move out and find her own place.