Should I receive alimony?

[Lindy1964]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I was married at 26 years old. Before I got married, I took my soon to be husband to all of my doctors to tell him what he might be instore for with marrying a diabetic (since the age of 2). One year after marriage I had to have triple by-pass surgery. Shortly after that I lost a lot of my vision for about 2 years. I then started having mini-strokes called TIA's. In 1990 I had to go on dialysis and then had a kidney/pancreas transplant. I have now been diagnosed with colon cancer.

My soon to be ex feels that I am still capable of working (although I have not been able to work the entire 15 years we have been married). He has offered me $500 a month for the next 4 years to settle out of court. He says that I am being very selfish if I do not take this offer.

Am I being selfish to not accept his offer, or should I go to court and see what the judge has to say?

Thank you in advance for your support.

Lindy

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Lindy1964

What is the name of your state? Florida

I was married at 26 years old. Before I got married, I took my soon to be husband to all of my doctors to tell him what he might be instore for with marrying a diabetic (since the age of 2). One year after marriage I had to have triple by-pass surgery. Shortly after that I lost a lot of my vision for about 2 years. I then started having mini-strokes called TIA's. In 1990 I had to go on dialysis and then had a kidney/pancreas transplant. I have now been diagnosed with colon cancer.

My soon to be ex feels that I am still capable of working (although I have not been able to work the entire 15 years we have been married). He has offered me $500 a month for the next 4 years to settle out of court. He says that I am being very selfish if I do not take this offer.

Am I being selfish to not accept his offer, or should I go to court and see what the judge has to say?

Thank you in advance for your support.

Lindy

Hon, you need to get yourself your own attorney. There are many people on this forum who are very anti alimony.

Whether or not 500 a month is fair depends on your husband's income, and whether or not you are receiving any disability income, and how much.

However, I suspect that a judge would NOT limit it to 4 years.

[VeronicaLodge]

I'm generally anti alimony but I can say that as it stands today, that 500 a month for 4 years after 15 years of marriage (depending on the things that LdiJ said --income, disability, etc) is not a fair offer. heck my boyfriend is paying his ex more in alimony for 5 years voluntarily and she works! they were married shy of 14 years and the 5 year mark will be when his youngest turns 18, so basically he is paying child support and alimony to make sure his kids live's are not affected adversely because of the divorce. hes a good guy and she thought he want being fair and she ended up getting less than he initially offered after mediation but its still a lot more than 500 a month.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

I'm generally anti alimony but I can say that as it stands today, that 500 a month for 4 years after 15 years of marriage (depending on the things that LdiJ said --income, disability, etc) is not a fair offer. heck my boyfriend is paying his ex more in alimony for 5 years voluntarily and she works! they were married shy of 14 years and the 5 year mark will be when his youngest turns 18, so basically he is paying child support and alimony to make sure his kids live's are not affected adversely because of the divorce. hes a good guy and she thought he want being fair and she ended up getting less than he initially offered after mediation but its still a lot more than 500 a month.

You cannot say that. You have no idea what this man earns or anything else.

[tuffbrk]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

I'm generally anti alimony but I can say that as it stands today, that 500 a month for 4 years after 15 years of marriage (depending on the things that LdiJ said --income, disability, etc) is not a fair offer. heck my boyfriend is paying his ex more in alimony for 5 years voluntarily and she works! they were married shy of 14 years and the 5 year mark will be when his youngest turns 18, so basically he is paying child support and alimony to make sure his kids live's are not affected adversely because of the divorce. hes a good guy and she thought he want being fair and she ended up getting less than he initially offered after mediation but its still a lot more than 500 a month.

I think your BF's situation is quite a bit different. There are children involved, his ex is working and he volunteered to pay.

The OP, on the other hand, states that she didn't work for 15yrs, which apparently was acceptable to her hubby. There doesn't appear to be children involved, she has already rec'd a transplant so she may, in fact, be able to work depending upon the therapy she is undergoing for cancer.

I'm not certain but if she hasn't worked in the last 15 yrs it will affect her ability to obtain SSD, being married I don't know if she would have qualified for SSI. Further, obviously your BF was in a position to offer financial compensation. As OG pointed out, there was no information provided on the salary, employment, etc of OP's hubby, nor what type of marital assets there are to which she is entitled.

Nothing is as it seems...

[VeronicaLodge]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

You cannot say that. You have no idea what this man earns or anything else.

Hi OG! I know I don't really know, I was just saying "I wouldn't think" and I did say "based on the things LdiJ outlined" meaning what he earns, if she has disability, etc. Obviously those are very important pieces of the pie. I'm just saying she should just go on what he says he thinks is fair that he gives her. 15 years is past the 10 year mark. But I will always defer to you in these matters

[VeronicaLodge]

Originally Posted by tuffbrk

I think your BF's situation is quite a bit different. There are children involved, his ex is working and he volunteered to pay.

The OP, on the other hand, states that she didn't work for 15yrs, which apparently was acceptable to her hubby. There doesn't appear to be children involved, she has already rec'd a transplant so she may, in fact, be able to work depending upon the therapy she is undergoing for cancer.

I'm not certain but if she hasn't worked in the last 15 yrs it will affect her ability to obtain SSD, being married I don't know if she would have qualified for SSI. Further, obviously your BF was in a position to offer financial compensation. As OG pointed out, there was no information provided on the salary, employment, etc of OP's hubby, nor what type of marital assets there are to which she is entitled.

Nothing is as it seems...

Very true, I'm not sure why I even posted that story, it obviously was a voluntary agreement. I guess my point was that she just shouldn't rely on what he is telling her she should or could get or what the right thing to expect is. [I'll be quiet now!]

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

Hi OG! I know I don't really know, I was just saying "I wouldn't think" and I did say "based on the things LdiJ outlined" meaning what he earns, if she has disability, etc. Obviously those are very important pieces of the pie. I'm just saying she should just go on what he says he thinks is fair that he gives her. 15 years is past the 10 year mark. But I will always defer to you in these matters

If he earns $10 an hour then $500 a month is fair. If she gets disability and he earns $15 an hour then $500 a month is fair for that amount of time. IF there is a large property settlement then $500 a month is fair for four years. There are too many factors NOT mentioned to state whether or not this is fair.That is the problem. And just because it is past the 10 year mark does NOT mean that she is entitled to lifetime alimony.

[VeronicaLodge]

thanks OG! I learn so much here, I love it. (I would say you are absolutely right and I should be quiet, but you already know that!)