Should I seek Alimony?

[nc99]

What is the name of your state? NC
After 20+ years of marriage, my wife decided she wanted a divorce. We always got along really well, no cheating by either side (that I know of), no drugs, drinking, finance troubles,etc.

Anyway, she moved about four weeks ago and is pretty much letting me have anything I want equity etc, which probably comes to about $95,000 total when all is said and done. I also know once she is gone awhile ( 1 yr separation req. in NC) and starts talking to family and friends her "generosity" may wane.

She makes about 58k, and I make around 33k, but even worse I'll lose health insurance coverage which at my age would be very expensive.

If her generosity continues, should I seek alimony also? I'm not trying to be greedy, but don't want to be a fool either.

TIA

[moburkes]

Originally Posted by nc99

What is the name of your state? NC
After 20+ years of marriage, my wife decided she wanted a divorce. We always got along really well, no cheating by either side (that I know of), no drugs, drinking, finance troubles,etc.

Anyway, she moved about four weeks ago and is pretty much letting me have anything I want equity etc, which probably comes to about $95,000 total when all is said and done. I also know once she is gone awhile ( 1 yr separation req. in NC) and starts talking to family and friends her "generosity" may wane.

She makes about 58k, and I make around 33k, but even worse I'll lose health insurance coverage which at my age would be very expensive.

If her generosity continues, should I seek alimony also? I'm not trying to be greedy, but don't want to be a fool either.

TIA

Alimony on what basis? Why couldn't the $95k in equity be enough? You'll be able to purchase insurance through either COBRA or your employer.

[CJane]

Spousal support depends on a whole host of factors, but I really doubt that the disparity in your incomes - especially if she's giving you $95000 in equity in the marital home - is going to be enough to justify more than a VERY modest amount of spousal support during the separation or until the house sells and you cash in the equity.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by moburkes

Alimony on what basis?

Alimony based on the income disparity to the tune of $25k per year.

Why couldn't the $95k in equity be enough?

Well let's see, $95k divided by two equals $47.5k. That is OP's real equity as I understand his post.

A woman in Op's position (20 year marriage) would be looking at alimony for at LEAST 10 years of approximately $1k per month.

That's WHY $95k in equity isn't enough!! Do the math!!

You'll be able to purchase insurance through either COBRA or your employer.

Nope, the wife will purchase life insurance payable upon her death to OP to cover her alimony obligation to OP AND provide health insurance to him for 5 years from the date of divorce.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by CJane

Spousal support depends on a whole host of factors,

Are these factors the same for husbands as they are wives??

but I really doubt that the disparity in your incomes -

$25k disparity isn't enough for a husband??

especially if she's giving you $95000 in equity in the marital home - is going to be enough to justify more than a VERY modest amount of spousal support during the separation or until the house sells and you cash in the equity.

Well let OP take it to the judge and we'll just see.

[CJane]

Are these factors the same for husbands as they are wives??

Assuming that the laws of the state OP is in have passed muster with the supreme court, yes.

$25k disparity isn't enough for a husband??

Yeah, I don't think it's enough to justify spousal support beyond a very limited range, which is what I posted and you quoted.

especially if she's giving you $95000 in equity in the marital home - is going to be enough to justify more than a VERY modest amount of spousal support during the separation or until the house sells and you cash in the equity.

See? ^^^^

Funnily enough, I almost put the following in my post, and decided it would be too snarky. In the future, I'll include it.

"Disclaimer: To keep Bali Hai from crawling all up my a$$ about this post, YES, I would apply the same thought process to the opposite gender, given the EXACT same circumstances."

[nc99]

I should have been more clear, what we are doing right now is, there is 95k-100k equity, depending on what our house sells for. She has 100k in her retirement, she is giving me all the equity and she keeps all her retirement. I have very little in my retirement.

She is continuing to help pay the house payment, electric bills, until the house sells.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by CJane

Assuming that the laws of the state OP is in have passed muster with the supreme court, yes.



Yeah, I don't think it's enough to justify spousal support beyond a very limited range, which is what I posted and you quoted.

especially if she's giving you $95000 in equity in the marital home - is going to be enough to justify more than a VERY modest amount of spousal support during the separation or until the house sells and you cash in the equity.

She isn't giving him $95k in equity, she "giving" $47.5k! And the reason she's being so "generous" is because she's having an affair and under NC law her goose is cooked if it can be proven.

See? ^^^^

Funnily enough, I almost put the following in my post, and decided it would be too snarky. In the future, I'll include it.

"Disclaimer: To keep Bali Hai from crawling all up my a$$ about this post, YES, I would apply the same thought process to the opposite gender, given the EXACT same circumstances."

Go ahead and do that. I don't believe for a New York minute that you would give the same advice.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by nc99

I should have been more clear, what we are doing right now is, there is 95k-100k equity, depending on what our house sells for. She has 100k in her retirement, she is giving me all the equity and she keeps all her retirement. I have very little in my retirement.

She is continuing to help pay the house payment, electric bills, until the house sells.

You call that generous?? It's and even split.

Go for the alimony.

[nc99]

I didn't know if it was generous or not really. We have been together almost 30 yrs. I knew her for seven years before we were married at 26 and 23 years of age. I have no experience about divorces.

Right now she is giving me about $1400 a month until the house sells/ divorce is final.

Thanks for the input so far.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by nc99

What is the name of your state? NC
After 20+ years of marriage, my wife decided she wanted a divorce. We always got along really well, no cheating by either side (that I know of), no drugs, drinking, finance troubles,etc.

Anyway, she moved about four weeks ago and is pretty much letting me have anything I want equity etc, which probably comes to about $95,000 total when all is said and done. I also know once she is gone awhile ( 1 yr separation req. in NC) and starts talking to family and friends her "generosity" may wane.

She makes about 58k, and I make around 33k, but even worse I'll lose health insurance coverage which at my age would be very expensive.

If her generosity continues, should I seek alimony also? I'm not trying to be greedy, but don't want to be a fool either.

TIA

Ok...based on your further posts you are dividing the marital assets by her keeping her retirement fund and you keeping the equity in the home. That's a pretty reasonable thing to do since the two assets appear to be fairly equal.

You have a disparity in income, however you are still making a decent wage. Bali is right that its possible that if you fought it hard you could end up with as much as 1k a month in alimony for a temporary period of time. However its likely that you would have to spend some significant bucks in legal fees to get to that point....and its not guaranteed that you would get the alimony, nor guaranteed that you would get 1k.

She can't do anything about the health insurance issue. Her employer is not going to allow you to remain on the company's policy other than via a cobra for a short time, and cobra's are usually far more expensive than private health insurance.

Could you make more money if you got some further training/education? If so, a temporary period of alimony for you to get that training/education would be very reasonable.

In any case you are going to need to find a way to fund health insurance, because she won't be able to continue to provide it for you.

[nc99]

Ldij, yes, once this is over I plan on finishing my degree or If I stay with my current job another 3-5 yrs, I will have health insurance and matching 401k so I should be ok. It's just getting through the next year is what I'm worried about (1 yr separation in NC).

I definitely don't want a long fight, I just want to get along and then get on with my life. So far, there is no anger or bitterness on either side and want to keep it way, but not to the point of stupidity.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Ok...based on your further posts you are dividing the marital assets by her keeping her retirement fund and you keeping the equity in the home. That's a pretty reasonable thing to do since the two assets appear to be fairly equal.

You have a disparity in income, however you are still making a decent wage. Bali is right that its possible that if you fought it hard you could end up with as much as 1k a month in alimony for a temporary period of time. However its likely that you would have to spend some significant bucks in legal fees to get to that point....and its not guaranteed that you would get the alimony, nor guaranteed that you would get 1k.

She can't do anything about the health insurance issue. Her employer is not going to allow you to remain on the company's policy other than via a cobra for a short time, and cobra's are usually far more expensive than private health insurance.

Could you make more money if you got some further training/education? If so, a temporary period of alimony for you to get that training/education would be very reasonable.

In any case you are going to need to find a way to fund health insurance, because she won't be able to continue to provide it for you.

Well it sounds like everything is pretty much agreed upon except perhaps the alimony issue.

I wouldn't think that this issue would cost a whole lot to litigate.

[Ohiogal]

Truthfully OP may very well get alimony for at least ten years. The alimony would most likely be approximately 1k a month unless wife is taking the marital debt and paying it all.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

Truthfully OP may very well get alimony for at least ten years. The alimony would most likely be approximately 1k a month unless wife is taking the marital debt and paying it all.

I agree that its possible....but its going to take litigation to get there, and therefore legal expense. He is making a living wage. If he sells the home and banks the equity, he could do quite well without alimony, even if he has to pay for health insurance.

I am not saying that he should give up on the idea of alimony....particularly during the period of time that he needs to complete his degree....however I do think that if he can come to a negotiated agreement that it would/could be better than litigating.....particularly if as you said, the wife was willing to take on the majority of the marital debt.