Spousal support adjustment ... I hope not

[CalvinH]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I was married for 18 years. The ex had a lover she felt was more important than our marriage. That ended along with our marriage. She took half of the net assets as part of the mediated settlement in 2005.

I have primary physical custody of the two teens. One has turned 18, but is still in school. I now pay the ex child support only for the younger one (small as it is about 25% time sharing).

I pay spousal support, too. It has been a fixed amount since the divorce per the ex-spouse (or equivalent) software guidance.

THE DILEMMA:
She has been depressed these past few years. She is likely to be in a hospital soon. Her ability to work subsequently may be questionable. Her ability to support herself financially (with only the current spousal support ~$3,000/month) may be questionable.

Fair or not, is it possible or even likely that I might be subject to a modification order for more spousal support because of her condition (which was not related to anything I have responsibility or control over)?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by CalvinH

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I was married for 18 years. The ex had a lover she felt was more important than our marriage. That ended along with our marriage. She took half of the net assets as part of the mediated settlement in 2005.

I have primary physical custody of the two teens. One has turned 18, but is still in school. I now pay the ex child support only for the younger one (small as it is about 25% time sharing).

I pay spousal support, too. It has been a fixed amount since the divorce per the ex-spouse (or equivalent) software guidance.

THE DILEMMA:
She has been depressed these past few years. She is likely to be in a hospital soon. Her ability to work subsequently may be questionable. Her ability to support herself financially (with only the current spousal support ~$3,000/month) may be questionable.

Fair or not, is it possible or even likely that I might be subject to a modification order for more spousal support because of her condition (which was not related to anything I have responsibility or control over)?

Nothing is impossible when it comes to court. However, its not likely that your alimony would/could increase.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by CalvinH

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I was married for 18 years. The ex had a lover she felt was more important than our marriage. That ended along with our marriage. She took half of the net assets as part of the mediated settlement in 2005.

I have primary physical custody of the two teens. One has turned 18, but is still in school. I now pay the ex child support only for the younger one (small as it is about 25% time sharing).

I pay spousal support, too. It has been a fixed amount since the divorce per the ex-spouse (or equivalent) software guidance.

THE DILEMMA:
She has been depressed these past few years. She is likely to be in a hospital soon. Her ability to work subsequently may be questionable. Her ability to support herself financially (with only the current spousal support ~$3,000/month) may be questionable.

Fair or not, is it possible or even likely that I might be subject to a modification order for more spousal support because of her condition (which was not related to anything I have responsibility or control over)?

She's paid $3k a month for being irresponsible?? Poor girl is depressed?? That's nothing that a good heavy dose of REALITY won't cure!!

If the judge steals anymore money from you to give her, he/she should be swinging from a rope in the public square shortly thereafter!!

[CalvinH]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

She's paid $3k a month for being irresponsible?? Poor girl is depressed?? That's nothing that a good heavy dose of REALITY won't cure!!

If the judge steals anymore money from you to give her, he/she should be swinging from a rope in the public square shortly thereafter!!

I, too, feel that this is grossly unfair to me. I acknowledge that my annual salary is more than 5 times her current salary. I could challenge her potential earning capacity, but the mental health issue looms as a path to permanent (or long term) disability - potentially worsening my financial obligation after this "long term" marriage.

I hate that California does not impose stricter requirements toward self-reliance. I feel this overly sympathetic system encourages perpetual dependence. Furthermore the opportunity to take more of my income suggests I may NEVER be completely free during my lifetime (unless she passes before I do or she remarries (unlikely)).

Given that I was the dumpee, I truly feel this is unjust....

[StampGirl]

Originally Posted by CalvinH

I, too, feel that this is grossly unfair to me. I acknowledge that my annual salary is more than 5 times her current salary. I could challenge her potential earning capacity, but the mental health issue looms as a path to permanent (or long term) disability - potentially worsening my financial obligation after this "long term" marriage.

I hate that California does not impose stricter requirements toward self-reliance. I feel this overly sympathetic system encourages perpetual dependence. Furthermore the opportunity to take more of my income suggests I may NEVER be completely free during my lifetime (unless she passes before I do or she remarries (unlikely)).

Given that I was the dumpee, I truly feel this is unjust....

CA does impose strict requirements. When I got divorced (and had alimony granted for a short term), I had to sign and swear to in court that I had to obtain employment and/or finish school before the 4yrs of alimony was done. I did that. No problem.

Is she getting "lifetime alimony" or is there a certain date when alimony stops??

$3,000 is quite a bit but if your salary is as high as you claim, its not that unreasonable.

[VeronicaLodge]

i dont think the spouse that cheats and or walks out on the marriage should get any spousal support at all ever!

[CalvinH]

Originally Posted by StampGirl

CA does impose strict requirements. When I got divorced (and had alimony granted for a short term), I had to sign and swear to in court that I had to obtain employment and/or finish school before the 4yrs of alimony was done. I did that. No problem.

Is she getting "lifetime alimony" or is there a certain date when alimony stops??

$3,000 is quite a bit but if your salary is as high as you claim, its not that unreasonable.

If yours was 4 years, I suspect the marriage was 8 years. When the marriage is more than 10 (mine was 18) the rules are different - in my case, alimony ceases upon death or her marriage. It would be modified upon my retirement (I assume). As for being reasonable or not, I think that $35K per year for many years is quite a lot. To date this divorce cost me half of our total marital assets (fair enough) plus $100,000 and it keeps growing.

[CalvinH]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

i dont think the spouse that cheats and or walks out on the marriage should get any spousal support at all ever!

While I like the thought, it isn't the law in a no fault state such as California

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

i dont think the spouse that cheats and or walks out on the marriage should get any spousal support at all ever!

If the wife cheats, it must have been something the husband drove her to do. If the man cheats, it's also his fault.

The deck is stacked against men in divorce cases. Heads the woman wins, tails the man loses.

[swrdmbo]

Off subject but I just have to say...Bali...are all your 3000 + posts along the line of..

.husband gets screwed,

women are leeches,golddiggers,lazy,tramps,liars,schemers,

courts are ALL against the man,man always gets screwed by judges
...

blah blah blah blah blah...

seriously...you could use some counseling...you sound like a broken record...

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by swrdmbo

Off subject but I just have to say...Bali...are all your 3000 + posts along the line of..

.husband gets screwed,

women are leeches,golddiggers,lazy,tramps,liars,schemers,

courts are ALL against the man,man always gets screwed by judges
...

blah blah blah blah blah...

seriously...you could use some counseling...you sound like a broken record...

If you don't like my input, ignore it or get some counseling yourself. The truth I speak obviously is more than you can bare.

And I'm a broken record that will continue to play until the BROKEN family law system is repaired!!

[StampGirl]

Originally Posted by CalvinH

If yours was 4 years, I suspect the marriage was 8 years. When the marriage is more than 10 (mine was 18) the rules are different - in my case, alimony ceases upon death or her marriage. It would be modified upon my retirement (I assume). As for being reasonable or not, I think that $35K per year for many years is quite a lot. To date this divorce cost me half of our total marital assets (fair enough) plus $100,000 and it keeps growing.

My marriage was 6yrs. I was given alimony for 2yrs but my ex and I reached an agreement to divide the amount in half and extend it for 4yrs: Same amount of $ paid overall.

I agree that much money for lifetime is ridiculous. Personally, there should't be lifetime alimony given except in extreme cases etc. But I wont go into that now.

Talk to an attorney and see what they say. Good luck.

[tuffbrk]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

If you don't like my input, ignore it or get some counseling yourself. The truth I speak obviously is more than you can bare.

And I'm a broken record that will continue to play until the BROKEN family law system is repaired!!

That's right Bali - obviously this person isn't paying their Ex for the rest of their life. Those with short term, limited duration or NO alimony have a fixed cost to their divorce. Those of us less lucky have to shoulder the burden of an increasingly expensive cost of being divorced year after year after year w/little to no recourse...

[swrdmbo]

It is not that I even disagree with a lot of what is said, I have never paid, or collected alimony. I agree it does not seem fair,especially if it is indeed for a lifetime, and not to help the spouse get a trade that will allow them to support themselves and their family.

BUT, it seems that Bali just constantly harps on this in every one of his posts.

If you are truly going to keep it up until the justice system is revamped to suit your idea of fair then I guess I am going to be seeing these posts from now until **************.....hell freezes over??? Good luck with that.

It just seems as if it isn't really helping,and seems to just perpetuate the anger and frustration.I am sorry you are both locked into an unfair financial arrangement with your exes until the end of time but is being mad about it till the end of time really helping?

[swrdmbo]

Also..tuffbrk...it seems as if Bali seems to think these unfair things happen only to the men, aren't you proof that this is not true? You are female and paying your ex, who is male,correct?

I guess I just think that this really does go for both sexes,and yes,many people get screwed by this alimony setup, but it does apply to both sexes,not just the men, and it is the one that makes the most money that gets the shaft. I don't think it's fair but I think it is the high earner that gets stuck with this REGARDLESS of gender.