Spousal support after long term separation

[michelle19]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?califonia

My ex and I were married for 3 years and separated now for 3 years. My income is approx $80K his income is approx 50K he has been working at his current job for 10 years. He is now asking for spousal support of $400 per month.

We have one child from the marriage. I have two other children from a previous marriage, one is 18, has just gone to college and I am helping put her through school. He is also asking for child support in the amount of $500 per month. He has no other children.

I have offered him the family home that I put an initial $30k of my own money into. (My 2 older children and I lived in a trailer for 6 years to save enough money to buy a home.)

We bought the house together but it was refinanced after our initial separtion in my name only. The house is a hardship for me to maintain with a single income, the home cannot be sold for the amount due on the loan and he wants $5K - I dont even want then home.

He has been in agreement for 3 years as to the terms of separation and has now hired an attorney.

I have done the online child calculator and can come up with at the most $153 a month in child support.

This seems very unfair to me. Is there anything I can do ? An attorney is so vastly expensive. I can barely make ends meet now.

Help in ca.

[michelle19]

I forgot we share custody 50/50. For my other children I never asked or received any kind of support, we both worked and met our children's needs, even though our son now lives with me 100% of the time.

Children

age 18 - in college - previous marriage
age 16 at home - previous marriage
age 6 - 50/50 custody

Help in ca

[LdiJ]

Get yourself an attorney. If you have been separated for three years he should not have any realistic chance of alimony/spousal support, but you need an attorney to defend you against that.

[michelle19]

Thanks for the reply.

is there anyway to avoid an attorney and still be reasonably certain he is not awarded spousal support?

Will the judge be more favorable to someone who has an attorney?

His attorney is already asking that I pay half of his attorney's fees. Will the judge agree?

M

[CourtClerk]

Originally Posted by michelle19

Thanks for the reply.

is there anyway to avoid an attorney and still be reasonably certain he is not awarded spousal support?

There's no way to be reasonably certain WITH an attorney...

Will the judge be more favorable to someone who has an attorney?

Not necessarily

His attorney is already asking that I pay half of his attorney's fees. Will the judge agree?

No one here knows the judge personally (I don't think), therefore no one here can tell you how the judge will rule.

[thedoctorisin]

I tried going pro se against an attorney. Based on my experience, I can't recommend it.

Originally Posted by michelle19

Will the judge be more favorable to someone who has an attorney?

The job of the client is to look sympathetic and act calm and reasonable. The job of the attorney is to (over)-zealously defend the client's interest, advocating any argument that might win in court. When the client has to take over the attorney's job, it is nearly impossible to look sympathetic as well. It's very hard to look like an angel when you are viciously questioning your ex on the stand. This can make the judge be less favorably inclined toward a pro se party.

Originally Posted by michelle19

His attorney is already asking that I pay half of his attorney's fees. Will the judge agree?

That's what happened in my case, except I had to pay two-thirds of my ex's attorney's fees. The judge said that was only fair because I didn't have an attorney of my own to pay, and my ex's attorney ended up drafting the final court order.

Just my opinion, based only on my experience. The person who represents himself has a fool for a client. If you think you can't afford an attorney, just wait to see how much not having an attorney will cost you. (Insert additional cliches here.)

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by thedoctorisin

I tried going pro se against an attorney. Based on my experience, I can't recommend it.


The job of the client is to look sympathetic and act calm and reasonable. The job of the attorney is to (over)-zealously defend the client's interest, advocating any argument that might win in court. When the client has to take over the attorney's job, it is nearly impossible to look sympathetic as well. It's very hard to look like an angel when you are viciously questioning your ex on the stand. This can make the judge be less favorably inclined toward a pro se party.


That's what happened in my case, except I had to pay two-thirds of my ex's attorney's fees. The judge said that was only fair because I didn't have an attorney of my own to pay, and my ex's attorney ended up drafting the final court order.

Just my opinion, based only on my experience. The person who represents himself has a fool for a client. If you think you can't afford an attorney, just wait to see how much not having an attorney will cost you. (Insert additional cliches here.)

LOL!! Another boneheaded decision made by a judge with clearly too much power!!

All of the toilet paper should be removed from courthouses. That way when judges took a crap, they wouldn't have any supporting documentation to read when making decisions!!

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by michelle19

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?califonia

My ex and I were married for 3 years and separated now for 3 years. My income is approx $80K his income is approx 50K he has been working at his current job for 10 years. He is now asking for spousal support of $400 per month.

The argument would be that he is making a living wage, he has been supporting himself for three years without any alimony, therefore alimony is not appropriate.

We have one child from the marriage. I have two other children from a previous marriage, one is 18, has just gone to college and I am helping put her through school. He is also asking for child support in the amount of $500 per month. He has no other children.

If you have 50/50 custody then child support should be whatever the dissomaster says it should be, and would be calculated after any alimony was deducted from your income and added to his, IF he could possibly be awarded any alimony.

I have offered him the family home that I put an initial $30k of my own money into. (My 2 older children and I lived in a trailer for 6 years to save enough money to buy a home.)

We bought the house together but it was refinanced after our initial separtion in my name only. The house is a hardship for me to maintain with a single income, the home cannot be sold for the amount due on the loan and he wants $5K - I dont even want then home.

If you cannot afford the home then he certainly cannot afford it either. He would also have to qualify for a mortgage to buy you out, and obviously that is not going to happen. Prove that the value of the home is less than the mortgage, and then keep the house for a few more years until the market improves.

He has been in agreement for 3 years as to the terms of separation and has now hired an attorney.

Which is why you absolutely need one. You may have to go into some debt. It stinks, but there is too much on the line not to have your own attorney.

I have done the online child calculator and can come up with at the most $153 a month in child support.

Again, another reason why you need an attorney.

This seems very unfair to me. Is there anything I can do ? An attorney is so vastly expensive. I can barely make ends meet now.

Help in ca.

You need to do some downsizing if you can barely make ends meet now.

[thedoctorisin]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

LOL!! Another boneheaded decision made by a judge with clearly too much power!!

Pretty much. That particular judge had a well-known reputation for erratic behavior, and was removed from his position a year later. Not that it did me any good.

[michelle19]

Ive sent the attorney a letter asking for a 3-way settlement conference. I guess I figure out what to do after weeing how that goes.

This is unbelievable. It's legal theft. The spirt and intent of Child Support and Alimony are being prostitued in the name of greed and anger. Just because you can legally do something doesn't mean you should. It is income redistribution.

Arrrggghh

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by michelle19

Ive sent the attorney a letter asking for a 3-way settlement conference. I guess I figure out what to do after weeing how that goes.

This is unbelievable. It's legal theft. The spirt and intent of Child Support and Alimony are being prostitued in the name of greed and anger. Just because you can legally do something doesn't mean you should. It is income redistribution.

Arrrggghh

Yes you're right, it is legalized stealing, no question about that. But that's the system we have to live by unless we choose to live in Antartica.

Is there any chance you could work longer hours or maybe an additional part time job to pay your alimony and child support obligations?

[michelle19]

It is not yet an obligations. It is what his attorney is asking for. i am trying to figure out the best way to handle this. Attorney's fees are already out of control. Talking to attorney is expensive.

They are also asking for me to pay 1/2 his attorney's fees. Which arer over 10K Can I include court appointed attorney feees in a bankruptcy?

[michelle19]

LDiJ.

I hadn't thought about having to add spousal support income to his child support calc. Thanks! Its an excellent point

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by michelle19

LDiJ.

I hadn't thought about having to add spousal support income to his child support calc. Thanks! Its an excellent point

Its not just adding it to his income, its also deducting it from yours.

However, that isn't even something that you should be looking for at this point, because you should not be agreeing to pay him any alimony.