Spousal Support Question

I am currently negotiating with my wife an amicable (sometimes) divorce after 9 years of marriage. We agree on most things - she gets the house and the majority of the household possessions so as to not disrupt the living environment for the children, I will pay for health insurance for her (until she is working) and the children (indefinitely), I will pay for private school (which our 6 year old started this year and our 3 year old will start next year), we will split the current value of the retirement funds, and we will split our current credit card balance while I will be responsible for my student loans. Of course child support is mandated and agreed upon. Where we don't agree is on maintenance. She wants 50% of my gross income for 5 years with a sliding scale for 5 years after that. My feeling is that I have already agreed to give her the majority of the marital property as well as providing for private schooling and health insurance, therefore that I shouldn't have to give 50% of what I make on top of that. Instead I would propose 30-40% over 2-3 years until our youngest child is of school age and my wife can resume work, with a 2-3 year sliding scale after that. As added information, she is an attorney, who worked for 5 years of the marriage but has spent the last 2.5 years at home (partly of choice, but partly because a move to another state did not allow her to practice without taking the state bar again. We are now back in our home state where she is licensed to practice.) At this point she says she needs the five years because of our youngest child (which I agree with for 2-3 years) and because she is no longer marketable as an attorney, having been away for almost three years (which I don't agree with since she has kept her license, CLE's and has already had several job offers since we have moved back 9 months ago). Another reason that my wife gives for her need for support is that I am a physician just out of training whose salary has doubled since starting practice, and my wife claims that this increase lifestyle that we have shared for 9 months of our 9 year marriage is what she has become accustomed to. Can you give any advice to me? I really don't want to be unfair to my wife, but I also don't want to get taken to the cleaners either. Thanks in advance.

EJLE

If she wants that much spousal support and you don't want to pay it, then you're not going to settle this divorce.

You'll need to go to a final hearing instead, where the judge will decide all the issues.

If you or your attorney hasn't already requested a final hearing, I'd suggest that you do that.

Good luck to you.

Be very careful. What I thought was a friendly divorce is turning out to be a nightmare for me. We agreed to spousal for ten years, my paying child care and my ex paying the medical for the kids only. Now that child care is over he took me back to court and I have to pay half of the medical and he wants the spousal to end. Even though it stated in the divorce that neither party could change the spousal now I am told because his income has changed he can do all this. I really don't understand how all this can happen - silly me I thought an agreement meant something!! So no matter what be prepared for changes to whatever you agree to and good luck.

Your message was so unique...I thought I would put in my two cents worth, even if its only that. I have been with a retired Navy officer and Academy graduate! ...for 14 years. Married nine. Gave him the best years of my life. I thought he was such as "officer and a gentleman" and he adored me. He was controlling throughout but...? When I finally got fed up with his drastic behavior change last fall..."slob", "cheap", sarcastic and passive/agressive behaviour... and filed for divorce in January, he turned into a total and complete monster. I am now in a nightmare that I don't possibly see how it will ever end with me alive, but I am sure it will -- somehow. I asked that we play fair and keep things "clean"; he first agreed. The rest is history--in the making. I agree that you should proceed cautiously...you could be taken advantage of if you do not. I know I am and all I wanted was to be fair and humane. Divorce is the most god-awful experience on earth, save a death and frankly, from my experience, it is worse. You can be tormented your entire life by an ex-spouse. Well, good luck to you. You sound a real gem...I only wish mine were a fraction of the gentleman you seem to be. BJC

Let me see she getting some percentage of your gross for child support and want 50% too for Alimony. I think not there would be noway that I would agree to that especially with her education it shows she can go out and get a job to support herself. I would not agree you are paying support and all daycare and scholl expenses I would not agree to 50% I mean if you do you are looking at her getting 85% and you 15% . Think about it!

Is her specialty family law...by chance?

A few things to keep in mind:

Although you didn't specify the state you're in, her earnings capacity could most certainly apply toward the calculations for child support and spousal support after a vocational accessment is completed on her. If what you say is true, she may be forced to return to work (at least she would under California law) and maximize her earnings capacity, which would effect to outcome of support dramatically.

You also didn't mention custody time-share. Kids need their dad's just as much as their mom's. I currently have primary custody of my two young kids after getting 50% awarded by the court. Mom decided to move outside the 30 minute boundry to maintain this to live with new boyfriend. She now sees the 3 weekends a month, by her choice. after learning that they were no longer valuable to her as pawns for money. Point is that you can care for the kids. Help is available, and they need you too.

Kids fare just fine in daycare also. I was too against it, not my first choice, favoring a stay at home mom. But when divorce rears it's ugly head, all bet's are off.

I believe you need some perspective. An hour or two with a good family law expert (preferably a mediator) would probably help.

It's admirable that you want to take care of your family. Just do it with good information and perspective base your decisions on.