Spousal when you have custody of children

[DGSky]

What is the name of your state? CA

Married: 13 years
Children from Marriage: 1 (daughter age 12)
Step-Children of mine: 1 (son age 16, who I have raised since 2 1/2)
Property: Home

My wife moved out seven months ago leaving our daughter and her son with me "because they are better off." She was dealing with alcohol issues at the time and still is.

She has not contributed to the children whatsoever and visits for a few hours by coming by my home and never takes the kids anywhere. All transportation to school is sports is done by me.

She is presently living with as 25 year old guy (she is 37) whom she has had a close relationship for 18 months. She claims they are just friends. He lives with his mother as well in an apartment.

She was working when she moved out but quit. She has recently started a new job and is making $2080 gross monthly. I am making approx. $3500, but most of that can be deducted due to self-employment working ion the home. Last year I averaged $2400 monthly after deductions were made.

What can I expect as far as having to pay spousal, receive child support, and retain the house. She signed a Quick Claim Deed when the house was purchased due to her credit and I had to refinance to get the house out of foreclosure after she had already left.

[DGSky]

Forgot to note: She said she would forgo the hosue and spousal if I don't request child support.

[Lorane]

I am not an attorney, lawyer, just a logical, common sensed, educated woman, who has worked for and on equal right for all parents. I have worked with groups for non-custodial parents.

My nephew was in a situtation similiar to yours. The lawyers worked up an agreement, they both signed it, he kept the house and had joint custody of the child from the marriage. She had 2 children from a previous marriage, who were 16 & 18. They took turns with the care of the child even though he took the child care, medical care and the grandparent responsibility upon himself. 4 years later, they united and been together for the last 4 years. She thought she wanted to be single, tried it for 2 years and realized that she had made a mistake. The child was 6 went they divorced, 8 when they reunited and is now 12.

If she does not want to obtain a lawyer, due to legal fees, use one lawyer. I wish you the best outcome possible.

[VeronicaGia]

It is unlikely that a judge will allow her to get off scott free by not supporting the kids. She has an obligation to support them.

Have you filed for custody and support yet? If not, haul yourself down to the courthouse and file.

[BelizeBreeze]

PEOPLE, read the post again.

At the present time you have NO RIGHTS to one of the children. You choose to support the child only because it's the right thing to do. I also agree that you should file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment and file for FULL custody of ONE of the children and guardianship of the other. Also, file for support .

Now, why would I suggest this PEOPLE????

[VeronicaGia]

I saw it BB. And yes, our poster needs to tell us where the dad is of the 16 year old that is not his.

[DGSky]

I personally don't know where the bio father is, but the mother does. What are you suggesting then?

If I am granted legal custody of the step-child would I be able to collect support for him then?

[DGSky]

BelizeBreeze, why would you suggest this?

Also, since she still "visits" with the kids once a week, yet does not provide for them in any manner, would this still be considered abandonment?

I really don't want to file until I know what my best outsome will be. She continues to reside with her guy friend and keeps all her money for herself. Her not assisting with raising the children affects my income significantly, yet it is my SOLE income that is suporting these kids.

One attorney I spoke with said she would still be entitlesd to half the house and spousal would be awash becasue of the child support for the ONE child. I feel that the kids and I are therefore screwed big time.

[BelizeBreeze]

You have no legal rights to HER child. Therefore, you have no legal OBLIGATION. The ONLY child you have an obligation to is the child the both of you had, and since she has abandonned the marital home you CAN file for sole custody and support from her.

GROW SOME BALLS MAN!

[DGSky]

That is whwat I am asking: Does her viisting a few hours once a week still count as abandonment?

By her abandoning the home has she therefore given up any rights to the house and the ONE child? I don't want her having this home issue being an ace up her sleeve. She did sign a Quick Claim Deed giving up all community value and interest when we purchased the house. I also got the house out of foreclosure and refinanced on my own after she had left, meaning she cared less if me and heer kids lost the house.

[DGSky]

BelizeBreeze, In what aspect of my situation are you suggesting I have no balls?

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by DGSky

BelizeBreeze, In what aspect of my situation are you suggesting I have no balls?

She has been gone how long? You have how many times filed for divorce?

No Balls. Simple deduction.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by DGSky

That is whwat I am asking: Does her viisting a few hours once a week still count as abandonment?

By her abandoning the home has she therefore given up any rights to the house and the ONE child? I don't want her having this home issue being an ace up her sleeve. She did sign a Quick Claim Deed giving up all community value and interest when we purchased the house. I also got the house out of foreclosure and refinanced on my own after she had left, meaning she cared less if me and heer kids lost the house.

Ok, I think that you are getting confused here.

Although the house is not in her name. It is a marital asset. She has the right to a half of all marital assets (accrued during the marriage) including the house and contents, cars, 401Ks/IRAs and any other assets. She is also responsible for half of the marital debt.

She abandoned the home and left the children with you. That gives you a stronger shot at primary custody of YOUR child plus a stronger shot at keeping the house, but that doesn't mean that you won't have to give her a share of the equity and the contents. If you get primary custody then she would almost automatically have to pay child support. Some judges wouldn't let her off the hook for CS even if YOU agreed. (If you go to court)

Custody of HER child is a different issue. Not only would you be a non-parent fighting a parent, but the child also has a father who has rights as well. Its possible that she couldn't even agree to give you guardianship of the child without the father's approval. It all depends on whether or not the father's legal paternity has been established. (if he ever paid court ordered child support, or if she was married to him when the child was born, it has). However she can allow the child to live with you, and give you a power of attorney to handle medical and educational issues.

Since she is employed, and apparently has been, then alimony is unlikely to be an issue. With a marriage of your length alimony is normally a short term thing to allow a non-working spouse to get some training and get a job. She doesn't appear to fall within that catagory.

So...weigh all those factors and decide how you want to proceed. If the house has lots of equity and the marriage doesn't have much debt...AND if its important to you to keep the older child with you then her offer might be reasonable. You would be getting your child support in a "lump sum" in the equity in the house and you wouldn't have to spend money to fight for custody of the older child.

If the house has little equity, or the marriage has more debt than there is equity in the house, then her offer wouldn't be reasonable at all.

[DGSky]

Thanks belize, you are entirely correct in this assessment of my lacking any balls and I know it deep down inside.

I have gotten to the point where I was near filing then she would come around again telling me she wanted to work things out, but then she disappears again.

[DGSky]

The Wife had held a steady job for nearly two years then quit in July 2004 becasue she did not like the job and has been working on temporary assignments on and off since then.

right now she is in her third week of a temp job and said she will be hired on as a reg employee in two months and her income would increase from $9 to $12.

Is it in my best interest to wait until then, when she is making more montey? Also, she will have been living with her "guy friend" three months at that point and I'm hoping she changes her legal address to that residence.