Tennesse alimony and child support

[lostmymind]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

Married for 13 years. Two children ages 7 and 9. Have not worked for 10 years (when I got pregnant with first child). Gross income last year $140,000. Can you give me an estimate on what I might expect in terms of alimony and child support? I want to be fair.

[Dogmatique]

Alimony is not a given but generally depends on income, educational level and earning potential.

There is a CS calculator here: [url=http://www.state.tn.us/humanserv/is/isdownloads.html]Tennessee Department of Human Services[/url]

[lostmymind]

Thanks, Dog...I wasn't able to pull up that page, though. It said URL not found.

Since we have two young children, it's not necessarily feasible for me to work..especially in the summer since anything I would make would most likely go to child care. I also have a chronic auto-immune condition (lupus) that makes it hard for me to sustain a full-time job. Possibly something part-time, but physically, I have a lot of issues. I did try to work part time a few years back and ended up getting sick and had to be hospitalized. When we first got married, I was making basically the same income as he was, but he found a higher paying job in another state, so I left my job and followed him. I got pregnant a few months after moving. We both decided that I would stay home to raise the children.

He has an associate's degree-I have no college degree.

I have a very small home business...I think I made maybe $3000.00 last year.

Not sure if that helps at all, but thought I would give a little more info....any advice is greatly appreciated....

[Dogmatique]

Have you applied for SSDI/SSI? If you're disabled and truly unable to work this will be a factor.

The URLS should work - I just pulled 'em up again

[lostmymind]

No, I haven't looked into disability. I really don't care a whole lot about money...I just want to be able to provide for the kids and live in a safe neighborhood. I will be happy with a small home...I don't mind driving the car I have for the next ten years as long as it runs. I am just trying to get a ballpark figure. If we can live off of child support alone, then I won't even go for alimony. I am just confused because I have seen figures ranging from $1800.00/month all the way up to $4400.00/month based on his income. Someone on this site quoted 32% of his gross income in child support for two children. If that's the case, I don't even want to take that much from him. I can live very comfortably on $3000.00/month! We could have a nice little cottage in a very safe neighborhood with that kind of income.

[Dogmatique]

Please don't ever rely on CS or alimony as your only source of income.

What happens if he becomes disabled or unable to work? Loses his job? Dies?

You really need your own income, whether that's from work (and your kids are old enough that you can at least find part-time work if nothing else) or SSDI if you're truly unable to work.

You're BOTH meant to be supporting your kids - not just him, not just you. You're going to be asked, "Why should he be the only one financially supporting your kids?!"

Do you have an answer to that?

ETA: Are you sure you'll even be the CP? What if he becomes CP? Can YOU afford to pay HIM CS?

[Dogmatique]

C'mon Bali - Lupus can be verified physiologically; it's not one of the myriad "waste basket" diagnoses that can also come under the umbrella of "hypochondria".

I know what you're saying (I've read many, many of your posts - I really do get where you're coming from!), and I absolutely agree that OP needs to support herself - but not every woman is faking an illness, y'know?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

C'mon Bali - Lupus can be verified physiologically; it's not one of the myriad "waste basket" diagnoses that can also come under the umbrella of "hypochondria".

I know what you're saying (I've read many, many of your posts - I really do get where you're coming from!), and I absolutely agree that OP needs to support herself - but not every woman is faking an illness, y'know?

I know what you're saying and I know for a fact that women (granted not every woman) portrays herself as ill during divorce to get sympathy from whoever she can get it from (ideally the judge).

Why do women out live men if they are so sick all the time?

BTW, you know who deleted my post. I didn't think it was offensive, just to the point. If what I said didn't apply to the poster, they can ignore it. I just use the same tactic my ex-wife's lawyer used on me, "throw everything and see what sticks"!

[Dogmatique]

Why do women out live men if they are so sick all the time?

Because we have the hoo-hoo.

Seriously? There's a whole host of physiological reasons why women generally outlive men, but I much prefer my first answer

Our OP hasn't been back though to comment....time will tell!

[Blue Meanie]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

I know what you're saying and I know for a fact that women (granted not every woman) portrays herself as ill during divorce to get sympathy from whoever she can get it from (ideally the judge).

Why do women out live men if they are so sick all the time?

BTW, you know who deleted my post. I didn't think it was offensive, just to the point. If what I said didn't apply to the poster, they can ignore it. I just use the same tactic my ex-wife's lawyer used on me, "throw everything and see what sticks"!

I reported your post Bali. It was very offensive. Your blanket statements condemning ALL women as money grubbing parasites is just...wrong. Just like all men are not bitter, nasty misogynists.

At times you can offer very good advice...When you don't allow your own personal, and admittedly unfair, experiences to cloud that advice.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by Blue Meanie

I reported your post Bali. It was very offensive. Your blanket statements condemning ALL women as money grubbing parasites is just...wrong. Just like all men are not bitter, nasty misogynists.

At times you can offer very good advice...When you don't allow your own personal, and admittedly unfair, experiences to cloud that advice.

You have your views and I have my views.

[nextwife]

A. IF your Lupus is disabling enough that it wholly prevents you from working, it would be disabling enough for you to apply for disability. I have a close friend with Lupus who still works her full time job.

B. Simply not returning to work full time (sooner rather than later) is a VERY bad long term plan. Alimony won't go on forever, nor will Child support. Any single woman needs to be accruing retirement funds throughout her working year to safequard her later years, have access to her OWN health insurance plan, access to health care for her kids if he ex spouse ever can't provide it, and her own ability to earn a sustainable income. Ex spouse could become ill, unemployed, disabled, even die (my own dad became terminally ill and disabled in his mid 40, my husband's dad died at 35). If your entire plan is "Depend on him to support me way out into the future" you will be leaving yourself very vulnerable and very likely to have miserable elder years with too few resources of your own.

Frankly, in todays economy, one person alone likely CANNOT provide everything two adults need to live on, raise children, save toward retirement and provide for two complete separate households..

[CourtClerk]

Originally Posted by nextwife

A. IF your Lupus is disabling enough that it wholly prevents you from working, it would be disabling enough for you to apply for disability. I have a close friend with Lupus who still works her full time job.

Ya know, I have Lupus that has not been in remission for what seems like a lifetime, it causes me a great deal of pain (daily, including today), however, I get my butt out of my bed EVERYDAY and go to work. Why? Because the bills have to be paid.

Therefore, take no offense when I say, get off your behind and stop making excuses. Rarely is someone so debilitated regularly that they can't do anything, their mind keeps them debilitated. If you are in such shape that you are resigned to your room and bed on a daily basis, you need a better doctor.

And I didn't even read Bali's post, as offensive as it probably is, but I hope this person isn't using this disease as an excuse to have someone support her for a lifetime. That's just disgusting. Now excuse me as I go drug myself up so I get out and make my own paycheck.

[lostmymind]

Ok, ouch.

I didn't realize that I was going to be viewed as a money-grubbing cry-baby that wanted to suck the life out of the son to be ex-husband.

In one of my posts, I mentioned that I have tried twice to go back to work since I had the children. The first time it was a full-time job....within a few weeks I came out of remission (I also have auto-immune liver disorder that I take daily chemotherapy drugs for-hopefully this will not be taken as me trying to illicit sympathy, it's just a fact) and my liver enzyme levels got dangerously high. When this happens, they increase the chemo meds, put me on prednisone and I am basically in bed for a few weeks/months until my levels return to normal. I also tried working part-time....same scenario.

I also want to say that when we first married, I worked two jobs. I moved up quickly in one and became a merchandising manager for a department store in four different areas and was able to quit the part time job. I was making more money than he did. When he got offered a position in a different state, I followed him.....gave up what could have been a very profitable career so that HE could pursue his dreams.

I followed him to three different states...went through two 5 month long separation periods while he went to academies in other states while I stayed behind caring for an infant and a toddler. Three times I have packed up the family home, found a new home and relocated everything...all he had to do was walk in the door when his academy was over. I have not been a sit at home, soap opera-watching, bon-bon-eating spoiled wife.

A reason that I would prefer not to apply for disability is that if I can sustain a safe environment for our kids and not live on welfare, then I would like to be able to do that. If I would get more money claiming disability, so be it, but that is not what I am out for. I didn't say that I want to bleed my husband dry.....I will give him whatever he wants in the house....I can go to a thrift store and buy a table to refinish. I don't care about that. I would like my kids, however to have a car to provide reliable transportation to school and a safe neighborhood to live in, that's all. Not asking for the moon and I am not "high maintenance". I am not using illness to get sympathy....if you could see the thickness of my medical chart, you might understand.

I do, however appreciate those of you who have given the wise advice on not depending on SP forever. I was hoping to get rehabilitative temporary support so that I might be able to possibly pay for cosmetology school so that I can work out of the home...I know there will always be women getting their hair done! I don't feel that is too much too ask for considering that the reason he has been able to go get all his degrees and extra job training is that I put my career on hold to stay with the kids....and by the way....it was his idea in the first place for me to stay home with the kids. He didn't like it either time I tried to go back to work. And to be honest, if we were able to provide financially and make it possible for our girls to be raised exclusively by a parent, then I agree with that choice. I also feel that I deserve a chance to get back on my feet since I have been off the job market for 10 years now.

[lostmymind]

also.....I want to mention that I don't even want to use an attorney. I was the one who said I prefer to go through a mediator.

As far as getting off my butt and going to make a paycheck...I applaud you that you are able to do that. I think I am getting slammed here.....if you read my initial post, I mention that if I can survive off of CS for a while, then I won't even seek to get alimony. I hardly see that I am being such a jerk through all this.

All I was hoping to ascertain in my initial post was....will I be able to pay for a place to live and basic living necessities for the kids and I until I can get on my feet.....

Also, I am pretty certain that I will be the CP. He travels out of state 2-3 weeks out of every month. For expample....he will be gone 5 out of the next 6 weeks.