Is there such a thing as emergency support? MD

[Kristy13]

MD
Hi, any help would be appreciated ~ I've been married 9 years, with my husband for 11. My husband, although working, has multiple medical issues. When we met, he wanted a 'stay at home wife', which as a single mother, I *thought* was a good thing ...for awhile it was.

My husband has always been the more controlling partner, handling all our finances, decisions, etc. My main financial contribution was getting him into the company he's worked for since he met me (through my sister) making more than three times his previous salary.

However in 2009, he had a major heart surgery & developed complications. I took care of him around the clock. Oddly, on short term disability @ 65% of his base pay, we suddenly had MORE money than we ever had before (we live in an apartment) ...that was my first clue something wasn't right.

After his surgery, he started taking pain medication, and what had been controlling but tolerable as well as his secretive spending habits became far, far worse and my life has been a living hell of temper blow-ups, screaming and isolation.

To keep this short, im leaving a LOT of details out, but the end result is that when i began defending myself and asking questions, my husband left. I don't know where he is and he refuses to tell me.

He paid the rent and utilities the last two months and has told me by email im lucky to get that. He's also depositing around $100 a week as a living allowance ...BUT, i have no phone (he gave me a trac phone, but the minutes, $30, have to come out of my living expenses. Food for myself & my son is tough on $70, but nothing compared to the fact our car doesn't work and the tags are expired.

We live in a semi-rural area. There is no public transportation. You cannot walk to any store or commercial area. I'm virtually trapped - he's told me to "just get a job" - how? No car, no phone more often than not - I've missed all of my doctors appointments, have to chose between the phone and food, and am a nervous wreck.

I've had GAD since I was a child, but roughly two years ago, I saw a psychologist who gave me a preliminary diagnoses of PTSD. I was *unable* to continue treatment (there has been some abuse, and our son, healthy until 18, was diagnosed with Alport's Syndrome - no treatment, no cure, I also became ill, and during a period when I was unable to keep up with the housework, he took my birds (three, between 9 and 6 yrs old that I was extremely attached to, and dropped them off at a pet store) ~ I can document all of this and much, much more.

I can't afford a lawyer ...I can't afford food (he refuses to take feeding our son into account, which I know legally he doesn't have to, but our son is in the same boat - my husband sold his car) HOW are either of us supposed to get medical care, get on our feet, get counseling ~ anything, with NO transportation?

Btw, we have less than 1300 a month in bills, including rent, car insurance for car that doesn't work, electric, cable, no car payment (own it), no phone bills obviously, no other child support, he has a company vehicle so he does not have to buy gas or pay insurance on his car - and he CLEARS after taxes roughly 2,000 every two weeks. Some checks are as high as 2,900, some as low as 1900, but since he walked out, he has "told me" he is only making 1600 every two weeks - despite a promotion and raise.

I have access to nothing. He is the primary on everything. I am absolutely terrified, have no one to help me, have tried begging, threatening with social services, everything I can to simply work out a LIVABLE compromise - I could live elsewhere, for instance, much cheaper, where my son & I could access public transportation - he's refused to even tell me where he is.

I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown waiting to see if he decides to pay the rent this month - is there ANYTHING I can do without money that wouldn't take months?

Any help, any advice appreciated. I CAN document all of the above,

THANK YOU

[Ohiogal]

MD
Hi, any help would be appreciated ~ I've been married 9 years, with my husband for 11. My husband, although working, has multiple medical issues. When we met, he wanted a 'stay at home wife', which as a single mother, I *thought* was a good thing ...for awhile it was.

My husband has always been the more controlling partner, handling all our finances, decisions, etc. My main financial contribution was getting him into the company he's worked for since he met me (through my sister) making more than three times his previous salary.

However in 2009, he had a major heart surgery & developed complications. I took care of him around the clock. Oddly, on short term disability @ 65% of his base pay, we suddenly had MORE money than we ever had before (we live in an apartment) ...that was my first clue something wasn't right.

What did you find out about the money?
You need to admit to your choices quite frankly.
You chose to allow him to be in control of the finances. You chose to be a stay at home mom. You chose to not work outside the home. You chose to become dependent upon him.

After his surgery, he started taking pain medication, and what had been controlling but tolerable as well as his secretive spending habits became far, far worse and my life has been a living hell of temper blow-ups, screaming and isolation.

But you didn't leave. What evidence do you have of ANY "abuse"?

To keep this short, im leaving a LOT of details out, but the end result is that when i began defending myself and asking questions, my husband left. I don't know where he is and he refuses to tell me.

He doesn't have to tell you.

He paid the rent and utilities the last two months and has told me by email im lucky to get that. He's also depositing around $100 a week as a living allowance ...BUT, i have no phone (he gave me a trac phone, but the minutes, $30, have to come out of my living expenses. Food for myself & my son is tough on $70, but nothing compared to the fact our car doesn't work and the tags are expired.

You need to figure out how to support yourself. Your son is an adult and not the child of your husband. Your husband does not have to provide any support for your child at all. You need to figure out how to survive because, quite frankly, you may be receiving more help from him than what you will receive by court order.

We live in a semi-rural area. There is no public transportation. You cannot walk to any store or commercial area. I'm virtually trapped - he's told me to "just get a job" - how? No car, no phone more often than not - I've missed all of my doctors appointments, have to chose between the phone and food, and am a nervous wreck.

So why don't you ask your family for help? You have no phone but have access to the internet. Email your family. Email and ask them to let you live with them until you get on your feet.

I've had GAD since I was a child, but roughly two years ago, I saw a psychologist who gave me a preliminary diagnoses of PTSD. I was *unable* to continue treatment (there has been some abuse, and our son, healthy until 18, was diagnosed with Alport's Syndrome - no treatment, no cure, I also became ill, and during a period when I was unable to keep up with the housework, he took my birds (three, between 9 and 6 yrs old that I was extremely attached to, and dropped them off at a pet store) ~ I can document all of this and much, much more.

You just stated "our son" -- it is NOT "our son" if you have only been with this man for 11 years and he did not adopt the boy. Dropping the birds at a pet store is not legally a big deal. You couldn't take care of them and were ill. How long ago was that?

I can't afford a lawyer ...I can't afford food (he refuses to take feeding our son into account, which I know legally he doesn't have to, but our son is in the same boat - my husband sold his car) HOW are either of us supposed to get medical care, get on our feet, get counseling ~ anything, with NO transportation?

Why do you keep stating "our son" when the child is over 18 and you have only been with your husband for 11 years? Your husband doesn't have to do ANYTHING for this person.

Btw, we have less than 1300 a month in bills, including rent, car insurance for car that doesn't work, electric, cable, no car payment (own it), no phone bills obviously, no other child support, he has a company vehicle so he does not have to buy gas or pay insurance on his car - and he CLEARS after taxes roughly 2,000 every two weeks. Some checks are as high as 2,900, some as low as 1900, but since he walked out, he has "told me" he is only making 1600 every two weeks - despite a promotion and raise.

And? You chose not to work.

I have access to nothing. He is the primary on everything. I am absolutely terrified, have no one to help me, have tried begging, threatening with social services, everything I can to simply work out a LIVABLE compromise - I could live elsewhere, for instance, much cheaper, where my son & I could access public transportation - he's refused to even tell me where he is.

He doesn't have to support you. He doesn't have to tell you where he is. He doesn't have to do anything. YOU have to take responsibility for your choices and start making choices. Move to somewhere else -- move with family or friends.

I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown waiting to see if he decides to pay the rent this month - is there ANYTHING I can do without money that wouldn't take months?

Any help, any advice appreciated. I CAN document all of the above,

Documenting isn't going to help a lot quite frankly. You need to start taking charge of you and your living situation. So make strides towards to that.

[Silverplum]

MD appears to have a "duty to support" law or two, mentioned in this article from '07. I'm still looking for more info:

http://www.lwvme.org/files/MD_background_paper_on_CivilMarriage.pdf
This expectation of mutual support is reinforced by Maryland law that provides that a
spouse may not willfully refuse to provide support to the other, and a spouse who refuses
to provide support may be fined $100, imprisoned for up to 3 years, or both. While the
statute is phrased in the negative (it authorizes punishment for a person who refuses to
support her or his spouse rather than stating a positive requirement to provide support), it
reflects an assumption that Maryland law makes about marriage: the partners in a
marriage will support each other. Many other provisions of the code reflect the
assumption that a person will support his or her spouse.

Found that it is codified in Section 10-301 of the MD Code.

[Ohiogal]

MD appears to have a "duty to support" law or two, mentioned in this article from '07. I'm still looking for more info:

http://www.lwvme.org/files/MD_background_paper_on_CivilMarriage.pdf
This expectation of mutual support is reinforced by Maryland law that provides that a
spouse may not willfully refuse to provide support to the other, and a spouse who refuses
to provide support may be fined $100, imprisoned for up to 3 years, or both. While the
statute is phrased in the negative (it authorizes punishment for a person who refuses to
support her or his spouse rather than stating a positive requirement to provide support), it
reflects an assumption that Maryland law makes about marriage: the partners in a
marriage will support each other. Many other provisions of the code reflect the
assumption that a person will support his or her spouse.

Found that it is codified in Section 10-301 of the MD Code.

The thing is HE is supporting her. He is paying for her housing and other things. She is the one not supporting him OR contributing at all.