MD
Hi, any help would be appreciated ~ I've been married 9 years, with my husband for 11. My husband, although working, has multiple medical issues. When we met, he wanted a 'stay at home wife', which as a single mother, I *thought* was a good thing ...for awhile it was.
My husband has always been the more controlling partner, handling all our finances, decisions, etc. My main financial contribution was getting him into the company he's worked for since he met me (through my sister) making more than three times his previous salary.
However in 2009, he had a major heart surgery & developed complications. I took care of him around the clock. Oddly, on short term disability @ 65% of his base pay, we suddenly had MORE money than we ever had before (we live in an apartment) ...that was my first clue something wasn't right.
After his surgery, he started taking pain medication, and what had been controlling but tolerable as well as his secretive spending habits became far, far worse and my life has been a living hell of temper blow-ups, screaming and isolation.
To keep this short, im leaving a LOT of details out, but the end result is that when i began defending myself and asking questions, my husband left. I don't know where he is and he refuses to tell me.
He paid the rent and utilities the last two months and has told me by email im lucky to get that. He's also depositing around $100 a week as a living allowance ...BUT, i have no phone (he gave me a trac phone, but the minutes, $30, have to come out of my living expenses. Food for myself & my son is tough on $70, but nothing compared to the fact our car doesn't work and the tags are expired.
We live in a semi-rural area. There is no public transportation. You cannot walk to any store or commercial area. I'm virtually trapped - he's told me to "just get a job" - how? No car, no phone more often than not - I've missed all of my doctors appointments, have to chose between the phone and food, and am a nervous wreck.
I've had GAD since I was a child, but roughly two years ago, I saw a psychologist who gave me a preliminary diagnoses of PTSD. I was *unable* to continue treatment (there has been some abuse, and our son, healthy until 18, was diagnosed with Alport's Syndrome - no treatment, no cure, I also became ill, and during a period when I was unable to keep up with the housework, he took my birds (three, between 9 and 6 yrs old that I was extremely attached to, and dropped them off at a pet store) ~ I can document all of this and much, much more.
I can't afford a lawyer ...I can't afford food (he refuses to take feeding our son into account, which I know legally he doesn't have to, but our son is in the same boat - my husband sold his car) HOW are either of us supposed to get medical care, get on our feet, get counseling ~ anything, with NO transportation?
Btw, we have less than 1300 a month in bills, including rent, car insurance for car that doesn't work, electric, cable, no car payment (own it), no phone bills obviously, no other child support, he has a company vehicle so he does not have to buy gas or pay insurance on his car - and he CLEARS after taxes roughly 2,000 every two weeks. Some checks are as high as 2,900, some as low as 1900, but since he walked out, he has "told me" he is only making 1600 every two weeks - despite a promotion and raise.
I have access to nothing. He is the primary on everything. I am absolutely terrified, have no one to help me, have tried begging, threatening with social services, everything I can to simply work out a LIVABLE compromise - I could live elsewhere, for instance, much cheaper, where my son & I could access public transportation - he's refused to even tell me where he is.
I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown waiting to see if he decides to pay the rent this month - is there ANYTHING I can do without money that wouldn't take months?
Any help, any advice appreciated. I CAN document all of the above,
THANK YOU
Hi, any help would be appreciated ~ I've been married 9 years, with my husband for 11. My husband, although working, has multiple medical issues. When we met, he wanted a 'stay at home wife', which as a single mother, I *thought* was a good thing ...for awhile it was.
My husband has always been the more controlling partner, handling all our finances, decisions, etc. My main financial contribution was getting him into the company he's worked for since he met me (through my sister) making more than three times his previous salary.
However in 2009, he had a major heart surgery & developed complications. I took care of him around the clock. Oddly, on short term disability @ 65% of his base pay, we suddenly had MORE money than we ever had before (we live in an apartment) ...that was my first clue something wasn't right.
After his surgery, he started taking pain medication, and what had been controlling but tolerable as well as his secretive spending habits became far, far worse and my life has been a living hell of temper blow-ups, screaming and isolation.
To keep this short, im leaving a LOT of details out, but the end result is that when i began defending myself and asking questions, my husband left. I don't know where he is and he refuses to tell me.
He paid the rent and utilities the last two months and has told me by email im lucky to get that. He's also depositing around $100 a week as a living allowance ...BUT, i have no phone (he gave me a trac phone, but the minutes, $30, have to come out of my living expenses. Food for myself & my son is tough on $70, but nothing compared to the fact our car doesn't work and the tags are expired.
We live in a semi-rural area. There is no public transportation. You cannot walk to any store or commercial area. I'm virtually trapped - he's told me to "just get a job" - how? No car, no phone more often than not - I've missed all of my doctors appointments, have to chose between the phone and food, and am a nervous wreck.
I've had GAD since I was a child, but roughly two years ago, I saw a psychologist who gave me a preliminary diagnoses of PTSD. I was *unable* to continue treatment (there has been some abuse, and our son, healthy until 18, was diagnosed with Alport's Syndrome - no treatment, no cure, I also became ill, and during a period when I was unable to keep up with the housework, he took my birds (three, between 9 and 6 yrs old that I was extremely attached to, and dropped them off at a pet store) ~ I can document all of this and much, much more.
I can't afford a lawyer ...I can't afford food (he refuses to take feeding our son into account, which I know legally he doesn't have to, but our son is in the same boat - my husband sold his car) HOW are either of us supposed to get medical care, get on our feet, get counseling ~ anything, with NO transportation?
Btw, we have less than 1300 a month in bills, including rent, car insurance for car that doesn't work, electric, cable, no car payment (own it), no phone bills obviously, no other child support, he has a company vehicle so he does not have to buy gas or pay insurance on his car - and he CLEARS after taxes roughly 2,000 every two weeks. Some checks are as high as 2,900, some as low as 1900, but since he walked out, he has "told me" he is only making 1600 every two weeks - despite a promotion and raise.
I have access to nothing. He is the primary on everything. I am absolutely terrified, have no one to help me, have tried begging, threatening with social services, everything I can to simply work out a LIVABLE compromise - I could live elsewhere, for instance, much cheaper, where my son & I could access public transportation - he's refused to even tell me where he is.
I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown waiting to see if he decides to pay the rent this month - is there ANYTHING I can do without money that wouldn't take months?
Any help, any advice appreciated. I CAN document all of the above,
THANK YOU
