Update on Tuffbrk negotiations

[tuffbrk]

What is the name of your state? NJ
Somehow my thread got closed (?) so here is the latest and greatest -

As explained to me by the economic mediator- STBX's attny had a letter faxed to the Panel from STBX's Dr. It stated that the transplant had been successful, the organ was fully functioning, however he was not yet released for work. This left them in a position of not being able to impute income to him which they had originally set at $70k. Then STBX attny stated that he had a verbal approval from Social Security. So then they used that to impute $25k, they matched it with alimony ($25k), took 10% of that figure to then "credit" me for CS. Thus, my $20k...

Legally, they can only rule on what was known at the time (as OhioGal told me as well!!). Since permanent disability can only be established by Soc Security, he has to provide updates every 6 months. If he is not found to be permanently disabled, that allows me to file for a modification. This is specifically noted in the agreement, as well as the "credit" for CS to be modified as well. This makes me feel somewhat better.

As for why it was permanent vs rehab or limited duration - I was told that since it's a long term marriage (gr. than 16 yrs), I'm automatically "permanent" that it's one of the few constants in NJ (lucky me!!)

He asked for a reconciliation (oh yeah, like, um, sure!) which I'm using as the catalyst to get him out!! There is quite a bit of fighting about the move out date. He says his mom is ready to kill him so he doesn't want to stay there. Frankly, I could care less. I looked at his attorney and said what do you think I'm ready to do?! He's worried about his mom?! LOL!

I've already exercised stock options, am exercising stock sales today and he'll have plenty of cash flow in less than 10 days so I'm thinking - get out!!

I also want him out as I want to be able to drop him fr car insurance and to be able to file as head of household for 2008. We were ordered to finalize all agreements yesterday but his attorney called out sick so I've been delayed (what else is new?!) until potentially Friday. The court has not yet confirmed the new date.

Still to be determined: 1) move out date, 2) initial amount of alimony and when it starts, 3) he needs to agree to make our 2 boys the sole beneficiaries of his $50k life insurance - he wants to split it with his 2 children from a prior marriage. One of whom is getting married tomorrow (24yo) and the other who works full time and is currently in law school (27yo). The mediator is insisting on it so presumably it'll be done. 4) He needs to agree to refund our son's college monies from his portion of the sale of the home

I'm hoping he just signs off at this point!

Answers/comments to items in my prior post:
SingleAZDad - in answer to your? re: pendente lite - he sued for it this summer, it was denied . I was already paying for everything.
CJane - it's all about the almighty $ my girl!! He doesn't want to wait until the divorce is even final to start getting money - I did try it though (1st yr alimony taken fr sale of home). I've even downgraded to my current request that I withhold 1/4 of the mortgage payment from the alimony until the house is sold because otherwise, there is no incentive for him to assist in getting the house ready for sale. It remains an open item.
LdiJ - if you can believe it - the house scenario that I had written to you? He made the case to me! I would've gained $25k because he was going to give up all interest in retirement and 401K but then I guess they figured the remaining cash didn't provide enough liquidity so they took it off of the table.

Thanks all - more to come I guess!What is the name of your state?

[CJane]

Well, I guess the good news is that it's all modifiable and you get him out. That's got to be worth SOMETHING. Not sure it's worth 25K a year, but maybe it will be. You were gonna need that much therapy soon anyway.

[tuffbrk]

Darlin' - I need therapy now - I just can't afford it!

Still waitin on a new court date, still waiting to hear back fr my attorney after I had a hissy fit over the suggested move out date of 1-31. Told him it was a deal breaker if he didn't leave the house at 6 each evening to sleep at his mom's, sister's, friend John's - I really don't care where. Just give me and our kids a living room again! I said I wouldn't change the locks and as long as he alerted me - he was free to come on w/e to pack with assistance from his family and friends. Don't know why that's so hard for him to agree to.

Almost done, almost done, almost done!

[CJane]

Originally Posted by tuffbrk

Darlin' - I need therapy now - I just can't afford it!

Still waitin on a new court date, still waiting to hear back fr my attorney after I had a hissy fit over the suggested move out date of 1-31. Told him it was a deal breaker if he didn't leave the house at 6 each evening to sleep at his mom's, sister's, friend John's - I really don't care where. Just give me and our kids a living room again! I said I wouldn't change the locks and as long as he alerted me - he was free to come on w/e to pack with assistance from his family and friends. Don't know why that's so hard for him to agree to.

Almost done, almost done, almost done!

Dude. Beg, borrow or steal a surveillance system for your home for while he's moving out. Get him assisting in moving a piece of furniture, lifting a large box... SOMETHING.

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by CJane

Dude. Beg, borrow or steal a surveillance system for your home for while he's moving out. Get him assisting in moving a piece of furniture, lifting a large box... SOMETHING.

why CJane, you are a little devil

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by fairisfair

why CJane, you are a little devil

A very smart little devil

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

A very smart little devil

Sorry, but that crap won't fly. You think he is stupid!!! You women have taught us well!!!

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

Sorry, but that crap won't fly. You think he is stupid!!! You women have taught us well!!!

Bali, I don't think flying is what tuffbrk has in mind ... more like walking, crawling, ....

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by Ginny J

Bali, I don't think flying is what tuffbrk has in mind ... more like walking, crawling, ....

That one hit me right in the heart. I'll stop crawling so she can catch up!!

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

Sorry, but that crap won't fly. You think he is stupid!!! You women have taught us well!!!

Bali...you are so wishy washy its incredible. You tell people in strong positions that they will get screwed. You tell people in weak positions that they will win. You don't grasp the basics of property division because it offends your sense of right and wrong....but you won't support a woman who is exactly in your shoes.

Why are you even here? Obviously you aren't here to help people, so what is your motivation?

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by tuffbrk

3) he needs to agree to make our 2 boys the sole beneficiaries of his $50k life insurance - he wants to split it with his 2 children from a prior marriage. One of whom is getting married tomorrow (24yo) and the other who works full time and is currently in law school (27yo). The mediator is insisting on it so presumably it'll be done.

AS a woman who became parents with a man who already had older kids when we became parents together, I find it curious that you should think that ONLY the kids of YOUR relationship are deserving of any share of dad's life insurance. I would NEVER have had my child insured AT THE EXPENSE of his other kids. We obtained additional life insurance immediately upon adding our child to the mix, and I bought one of the policies myself, to protect my child without interfering with any existing policies.

Also, if his divorce (was he divorced or never married?) addressed his life insurance, he MAY be required to have his first kids named on it, per decree language. That is often addressed in a divorce. You should check this, because you could have ptoblems later if changing beneficiary violates the first divorce.

If you wanted coverage specifically for your child, I do NOT understand why you would not have obtained a cheap, 20 or 25 year term policy upon becoming parents. I truly do not think second spouses should come along and use their kids to take away from the first. If we want life policies to protect our kids, we should plan on adding them if we have kids after the first ones.

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

NW - you will note the ages of the X's two other children. They are ADULTS. The life insurance would be for the two minor children. When everyone is grown up and the X is still alive, then no one (other than the beneficiaries) will care about the beneficiaries.

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I find it curious that you should think that ONLY the kids of YOUR relationship are deserving of any share of dad's life insurance. I would NEVER have had my child insured AT THE EXPENSE of his other kids. We obtained additional life insurance immediately upon adding our child to the mix, and I bought one of the policies myself, to protect my child without interfering with any existing policies.

In addition, the STBX just had a liver transplant. The chances of getting ANYONE to insure him is probably somewhere between zip and nil. Therefore, the existing policy covering the minor children is appropriate.

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by Ginny J

NW - you will note the ages of the X's two other children. They are ADULTS. The life insurance would be for the two minor children. When everyone is grown up and the X is still alive, then no one (other than the beneficiaries) will care about the beneficiaries.

My husbands kids were also grown when we became parents together (there are 24 years between his youngest and our kid) - I still bought SEPERATE, additional coverage for my child, so as not to "take away" from anything they would have received if I had not "come along". As stated, I would NEVER have expected that ONLY my child benefit from their dad's life insurance! While none of my assets will ever pass to his kids, at least I left them SOMETHING to get from their dad.

Remember, the MINOR children will benefit from monthly SS if their father is deceased.

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by Ginny J

In addition, the STBX just had a liver transplant. The chances of getting ANYONE to insure him is probably somewhere between zip and nil. Therefore, the existing policy covering the minor children is appropriate.

I understand that. That's why the responsible thing is to add life policies as soon as one adds kids. What was his health when the child was born?

Mom's lack of planning is being used to deny dad's firstborn any share of his life insurance. Obviously NOW is not the time to buy it - one buys it when they add kids.