VA Spousal support

[gsxxxr]

What is the name of your state? VA
I make roughly 55k annually between two jobs and my soon to be ex make roughly 35k between two jobs. We have separated since july 1 07 and now waiting to go to court b/c she won't sign any agreements. I recently recieved word from her attorney there is a court date scheduled for FEB 19 in regards to 1k a month spousal support she wants from me. Marriage was of 3 years with no kids. Roughly 22k in equity of the house and 21k in debt as well. What should I expect in court? She has filed on grounds of constructive desertion and mental cruelty however she left residence JULY 1 and has not paid a dime towards any of our joint debt... Please help!!!

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by gsxxxr

What is the name of your state? VA
I make roughly 55k annually between two jobs and my soon to be ex make roughly 35k between two jobs. We have separated since july 1 07 and now waiting to go to court b/c she won't sign any agreements. I recently recieved word from her attorney there is a court date scheduled for FEB 19 in regards to 1k a month spousal support she wants from me. Marriage was of 3 years with no kids. Roughly 22k in equity of the house and 21k in debt as well. What should I expect in court? She has filed on grounds of constructive desertion and mental cruelty however she left residence JULY 1 and has not paid a dime towards any of our joint debt... Please help!!!

I hope you have a good attorney, because any alimony at all after only a three year marriage would not be appropriate.

In addition, if you are keeping the house and the 22k in equity, you should be keeping all of the debt as well. Otherwise, the house should be sold to pay off the debt.

[gsxxxr]

Well I believe I do, but you say it as though it will be hard to get away from alimony without a good attorney... The way I saw it was and what we offered was half the equity minus her 4k in debt wou;ld leave her with 7k and no debt at all, we only have 8k on a joint card. Since our separation however I have had to pay all bills without her, leaving me to take loans against my 401k as well as having to pay back personal property taxes totalling 2400 dollars. Is this something I can expect to get back?

[gsxxxr]

Also if she has already filed based on constuctive desertion and mental cruelty can she try and re-file now for adultry if she was trying to prove post separation?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by gsxxxr

Well I believe I do, but you say it as though it will be hard to get away from alimony without a good attorney... The way I saw it was and what we offered was half the equity minus her 4k in debt wou;ld leave her with 7k and no debt at all, we only have 8k on a joint card. Since our separation however I have had to pay all bills without her, leaving me to take loans against my 401k as well as having to pay back personal property taxes totalling 2400 dollars. Is this something I can expect to get back?

Well, if she has an attorney who is willing to ask for alimony after a marriage that is only three years old, then you need a good attorney to counter that.

So, your joint debt at the time of separation was 8k? Any further debt since that point is debt you entered into afterwards? I don't think that you can expect to get 1/2 of that back. It might be possible, but I don't think its guaranteed at all. However if you have an attorney, your attorney is the best person to be answering your questions.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by gsxxxr

Also if she has already filed based on constuctive desertion and mental cruelty can she try and re-file now for adultry if she was trying to prove post separation?

Yes, technically she could add more grounds if she can prove more grounds.

[gsxxxr]

What I meant was the 8k was a joint credit card the other debt we already had before separation equaled total 21k.... but the other was only in my name but part of our maritial debt... personally I think its ludacris to think she could get that much anyway regardless of good attorney or not what grounds could she have to get that much?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by gsxxxr

What I meant was the 8k was a joint credit card the other debt we already had before separation equaled total 21k.... but the other was only in my name but part of our maritial debt... personally I think its ludacris to think she could get that much anyway regardless of good attorney or not what grounds could she have to get that much?

You are going to have to have very clear documentation of your marital debt, as well as marital assets. You really haven't been clear here.

You do realize that any 401k money (for either of you) that accrued during the marriage is also a marital asset?

If you have 21k in marital debt plus 8k in marital credit card debt, that's a total of 29k. If the home equity is only 22k, why are you contemplating having her walk away with any cash at all? Are you already taking the 401k into consideration?

There are no real grounds for her to get any alimony/spousal support at all. She makes a reasonable income and your marriage is only three years old. Had she been the one to remain in the home, and also had the lower income, there might be grounds for pendente lite support (temporary support until the divorce was complete or the house was sold) however that is not the case.

[gsxxxr]

Im sorry for not being clear, the way evrything is done in VA isnt clear.... we have a total of 21k in debt in which only 8k of it has both our names on it... The only reason for offering her anything was just trying to get it resolved and having her leave me alone... She believes she is getting everything and more than I have... She came to the marriage with nothing but debt but she claims she wont leave the marriage until she gets at least 25k in cash.. Im sticking to my guns...This past week she broke in when I wasnt here and stole 3 pictures off of my refrigerator of me and a friend of mine trying to prove I have a girlfriend, also took her camera throughout the house taking pictures of anything that was considered female....I do have a friend that helps me around the house and sometimes washes clothes here on account she washes mine just trying to help me cause I work so much trying to pay the bills....Now she claims b/c she has this proof and a witness has seen my friends' car parked here on enough occasions she is going for adultry, I dont see how that proves anything, even if she stayed here in a separate room it doesnt mean we are having intercourse...I guess it all just scares me of regardless of what should happen what will happen in court..

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Well, if she has an attorney who is willing to ask for alimony after a marriage that is only three years old, then you need a good attorney to counter that.
So, your joint debt at the time of separation was 8k? Any further debt since that point is debt you entered into afterwards? I don't think that you can expect to get 1/2 of that back. It might be possible, but I don't think its guaranteed at all. However if you have an attorney, your attorney is the best person to be answering your questions.

So this OP needs to hire an attorney to counter another idiot attorney's outlandish demands?

OP, do you understand what his BS amounts to?? I can see that you are inexperienced and you need to listen to YOURSELF and not even an attorney you hire and pay.

This is just a game to get men to pay women and when you think in those terms, you'll be better off.

HOWEVER, the judge is who will make that final determination. Remember, the judge's view is skewed for a varity of reasons. If that judge sees you (the man) as an easy mark, you're going to get screwed. Proceed accordingly.

[LdiJ]

Please do not let Bali discourage you. The odds of a judge ordering alimony in a short term marriage situation are extremely slim.

In addition, a judge can't award her more than half of the net assets (assets minus debts) and it appears to me that you do not have any net assets. However you never did confirm how much of your 401k accrued during the marriage.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Please do not let Bali discourage you. The odds of a judge ordering alimony in a short term marriage situation are extremely slim.

In addition, a judge can't award her more than half of the net assets (assets minus debts) and it appears to me that you do not have any net assets. However you never did confirm how much of your 401k accrued during the marriage.

Bali is not trying to discourage OP. Why do you think that my caution to OP to watch his ass in court is a discouragement??

Why the hell is alimony even on the table? Answer: there are no clear guidelines and the judge can do what the judge damn well pleases and counsel for the wife knows this!!

If OP walks into court and he reminds the judge of a bully in HS, the judge can whack him with alimony!! OP needs to realize this.

If OP negotiates or walks into court like a henpecked whimp, the judge will certainly take advantage of that because the judge is on the WOMAN'S side!!

[gsxxxr]

Bali pretty much u and I see the same... I feel as though all the constant harrassment from her and her attorney is for me to give in and be scared a judge will grant the BS they are demanding.. In a way I am and on the other hand can she get what I dont have? Roughly 16k acrued in my 401k which really blows b/c 9/11 crushed my portfolio and during the marriage is when I just started to recover, and the fact she had the option of a 401 and never elected to contribute, why do I get screwed out of her poor investment decisions?.... I believe I read a case where the guy got out of paying so much b/c his wife didnt invest what she should have...Bali do u have any advice of what my moves should be to help show the judge I have more than cooperated... She left july 1 and I paid her car insurance for her through OCT and paid her cell phone through SEPT neither of which I had to do as well pay all our other joint bills..That has to show some kind of good grace right??? I do have an attorney yet havent talked to him with the holidays and her recent break in as of friday... I feel my first move is to petition for sole possesion of marital home until court and then who knows?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by gsxxxr

Bali pretty much u and I see the same... I feel as though all the constant harrassment from her and her attorney is for me to give in and be scared a judge will grant the BS they are demanding..

Don't "feel" it see it, and attack it!! Fire the A-hole lawyer who tells you otherwise!!

In a way I am and on the other hand can she get what I dont have?

Yes she can! Don't kid yourself! If you do, you'll be working for this deadbeat for a long time.

Roughly 16k acrued in my 401k which really blows b/c 9/11 crushed my portfolio and during the marriage is when I just started to recover, and the fact she had the option of a 401 and never elected to contribute,

She's thinking "SUCKER" right now, I assure you that!!

why do I get screwed out of her poor investment decisions?....

Because you married her!

I believe I read a case where the guy got out of paying so much b/c his wife didnt invest what she should have...

Where was that court??

Bali do u have any advice of what my moves should be to help show the judge I have more than cooperated...

It won't matter HOW much you've cooperated! Trust me.

She left july 1 and I paid her car insurance for her through OCT and paid her cell phone through SEPT neither of which I had to do as well pay all our other joint bills..That has to show some kind of good grace right???

Good grace is reserved for women in court! Trust me.

I do have an attorney yet havent talked to him with the holidays and her recent break in as of friday... I feel my first move is to petition for sole possesion of marital home until court and then who knows?

Hang in there my friend, and come back with specific questions.