What can I expect?

[anywhere]

My spouse has been in and out of rehab's (we're talking into the double digits) for six years, hasn't held a steady job in three years (maybe more, it's all a blur now), has vandalized my home, threatened our kids (telling them the home would be lost in a divorce and they would be living in the streets with no friends), won't even begin to negotiate on a settlement agreement and by way of a support order (I did tell her if she went through with the order I could not pay many bills) lost her vehicle to repossession because I no longer had the capital to pay that bill and the insurance as it was going to her (plus much more). My divorce is not about assets. It is about debt. I have my home and a pension that I cannot access until I am 67; I am late 30's. I really don't even care about the home furnishings, she can have what she wan'ts. I offered her a good chunk of equity (off-setting some of her debt that resulted in a lien on my home) and half the pension. I offered some structured payments for a a couple years that decreased year's three and four. My only concern is having to pay for this behavior for several years as we were married for 14 years. I am trying to "get structured" so I can actually make a budget, take care of debt and give my kids the best I can and I cannot for the life of me figure out what will happen to me financially as it seems she is hellbent on taking this to court (yet more debt being incurred as I have my lawyer fee's and her attorney has submitted I pay her attorney as well).
Does anyone know what I can expect in Western PA? Will I be forced to pay her handsomely for her behavior and wrecking our home? Will I even get a shot at keeping my kids and I in our home? Will I even have enough left over to pay debt off?

thanks for any input...

 

[LdiJ]

My spouse has been in and out of rehab's (we're talking into the double digits) for six years, hasn't held a steady job in three years (maybe more, it's all a blur now), has vandalized my home, threatened our kids (telling them the home would be lost in a divorce and they would be living in the streets with no friends), won't even begin to negotiate on a settlement agreement and by way of a support order (I did tell her if she went through with the order I could not pay many bills) lost her vehicle to repossession because I no longer had the capital to pay that bill and the insurance as it was going to her (plus much more). My divorce is not about assets. It is about debt. I have my home and a pension that I cannot access until I am 67; I am late 30's. I really don't even care about the home furnishings, she can have what she wan'ts. I offered her a good chunk of equity (off-setting some of her debt that resulted in a lien on my home) and half the pension. I offered some structured payments for a a couple years that decreased year's three and four. My only concern is having to pay for this behavior for several years as we were married for 14 years. I am trying to "get structured" so I can actually make a budget, take care of debt and give my kids the best I can and I cannot for the life of me figure out what will happen to me financially as it seems she is hellbent on taking this to court (yet more debt being incurred as I have my lawyer fee's and her attorney has submitted I pay her attorney as well).
Does anyone know what I can expect in Western PA? Will I be forced to pay her handsomely for her behavior and wrecking our home? Will I even get a shot at keeping my kids and I in our home? Will I even have enough left over to pay debt off?

thanks for any input...

She is entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets and responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt. You have also been married long enough that alimony is a very real probability. However, are you going to have primary custody of the children or is she? If its you, then you would be entitled to child support from her, which might offset alimony to a great extent.

It might bite you in the butt that you let her car get repossessed.

 

[anywhere]

She is entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets and responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt. You have also been married long enough that alimony is a very real probability. However, are you going to have primary custody of the children or is she? If its you, then you would be entitled to child support from her, which might offset alimony to a great extent.

It might bite you in the butt that you let her car get repossessed.

There is a secondary vehicle that she can have (I paid it off already, but I don't have the money to re-register, title transfer, inspect and insure at this time - note; it is registered in both our names. I want my name COMPLETELY off it as she has a DUI in her past and I am worried about her driving habits as it is.) and have already offered that to her in a settlement. Yes, the kids will be with me 100% of the time. Will all the bill collectors I am facing due to her many rehab's also be offset? I am more than willing to pay this debt but I need the means to do so. Do you know if a lien I have on my home that is only in her name (defaulted line of credit) offset anything?
I'm not trying to be greedy, I just want to get and live debt free and be able to do things with my kids from time to time.

At any rate, thanks for the input. It at least helps me plan.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

You better hope the court cannot order life time alimony due to her mental disability.

 

[Ohiogal]

There is a secondary vehicle that she can have (I paid it off already, but I don't have the money to re-register, title transfer, inspect and insure at this time - note; it is registered in both our names. I want my name COMPLETELY off it as she has a DUI in her past and I am worried about her driving habits as it is.) and have already offered that to her in a settlement. Yes, the kids will be with me 100% of the time. Will all the bill collectors I am facing due to her many rehab's also be offset? I am more than willing to pay this debt but I need the means to do so. Do you know if a lien I have on my home that is only in her name (defaulted line of credit) offset anything?
I'm not trying to be greedy, I just want to get and live debt free and be able to do things with my kids from time to time.

At any rate, thanks for the input. It at least helps me plan.

Don't expect the kids to be with you 100% of the time. That is not realistic. The debts accrued during marriage are still marital debts and those debtors are NOT parties to the divorce. So if they are coming after you for them, they may have a legitimate claim against you. Your home which is only in HER name is actually her home. Unless you can afford to refinance it and pay off of the debts, do not expect to keep the home.

 

[ecmst12]

The home isn't in her name, the LEIN due to defaulted line of credit is in her name. Read it again.

 

[stealth2]

The home isn't in her name, the LEIN due to defaulted line of credit is in her name. Read it again.

Good catch.

 

[anywhere]

You better hope the court cannot order life time alimony due to her mental disability.

It is not a mental disability with her; in her case she has safety net after safety net. It is more a matter that she has not hit "bottom" because she still has many means to keep doing what she is doing. I am fairly certain PA does not do lifetime alimony, not 100% certain mind you.

 

[anywhere]

Don't expect the kids to be with you 100% of the time. That is not realistic. The debts accrued during marriage are still marital debts and those debtors are NOT parties to the divorce. So if they are coming after you for them, they may have a legitimate claim against you. Your home which is only in HER name is actually her home. Unless you can afford to refinance it and pay off of the debts, do not expect to keep the home.

She is not asking for custody. The home is in my name as a "married man". She is not on any of the paperwork by name. I know that does not mean squat, but I am hoping I can at least keep my kids in the same home and school district as a result.

 

[LdiJ]

She is not asking for custody. The home is in my name as a "married man". She is not on any of the paperwork by name. I know that does not mean squat, but I am hoping I can at least keep my kids in the same home and school district as a result.

If the house is in your name only...then how did a lien for a loan in her name only, end up on your house?

It might be time to consider bankruptcy...and/or to sell the home to cover as much of the marital debt as possible...and start over with another home or a rental.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, PA can consider lifetime spousal support.

(In fact, PA only has two forms of support - rehabilitative or permanent)

This is one post where an attorney isn't just an idea, but is necessary. Because it is possible for OP to pay alimony for quite a long time, AND have only minimal child support coming in.

 

[anywhere]

If the house is in your name only...then how did a lien for a loan in her name only, end up on your house?

It might be time to consider bankruptcy...and/or to sell the home to cover as much of the marital debt as possible...and start over with another home or a rental.

From my understanding, purely because the mortgage is written -my name-, a "married man". I don't get it either.

 

[anywhere]

Yes, PA can consider lifetime spousal support.

(In fact, PA only has two forms of support - rehabilitative or permanent)

This is one post where an attorney isn't just an idea, but is necessary. Because it is possible for OP to pay alimony for quite a long time, AND have only minimal child support coming in.

I have an attorney and we are looking at all options. The guess work (and the reason I am asking other venues for input) is when is enough enough? I get it that the State wants to mitigate its costs by applying a lot of alimony to get her on her feet but at what cost? This is a person that wants to live on the dole at this point and has no interest in being self sufficient (if you are familiar with Western PA, then you know "disability" is the holy grail of paydays around here and she is trying to make her own decision to get drunk a payday). If she would have taken any one of my offers last year, she could been in her own home right now and still collecting alimony from me (caveat, she would have to have at least a minimum wage job at 40 hours a week). As it stands now the support order is being pissed down the drain by her behavior and I am very limited in what debt I can settle let alone re-pay in full. I don't want to go the bankruptcy route because I have the means to morally take care of the debt but can't get clear legally to structure my debt.

 

[Proserpina]

I have an attorney and we are looking at all options. The guess work (and the reason I am asking other venues for input) is when is enough enough? I get it that the State wants to mitigate its costs by applying a lot of alimony to get her on her feet but at what cost? This is a person that wants to live on the dole at this point and has no interest in being self sufficient (if you are familiar with Western PA, then you know "disability" is the holy grail of paydays around here and she is trying to make her own decision to get drunk a payday). If she would have taken any one of my offers last year, she could been in her own home right now and still collecting alimony from me (caveat, she would have to have at least a minimum wage job at 40 hours a week). As it stands now the support order is being pissed down the drain by her behavior and I am very limited in what debt I can settle let alone re-pay in full. I don't want to go the bankruptcy route because I have the means to morally take care of the debt but can't get clear legally to structure my debt.

Yeap, I do know PA. I lived on the east coast for years, and my husband is from the Burgh.

I also know that despite popular belief, getting SSDI isn't a walk in the park although looking the stats the approval rate varies from 31% in Phil. East, to Elkins Park at 55%.

I do have a question for you though. Does she suffer from any condition that can be tied to the chronic alcoholism? Chronic anxiety or depression? neuropathy? liver problems?

 

[Ohiogal]

The home isn't in her name, the LEIN due to defaulted line of credit is in her name. Read it again.

Pardon. I did misread about the lien.