what do I owe my (ex) wife?

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by haha123

I'm really confused on what to do. She is now telling me that she is willing to work with me. She wants half the home equity when I sell it, 10k over the next few years, and help her pay a few bills here and there, and she will call it even.

I'm wondering if I should take a risk? It seems like if I do it, then she wont look back and wont find other ways to get more money.

Ouch...ok, it might just be me but that whole "calling it even" thing is a little alarming. Outside of the Affidavit of Support she'd have little to no chance of receiving alimony from you for such a short marriage but from what you've just said, she might actually be aware of ALL of this. Then again, she could genuinely have no malicious intent and just wants what she perceives is fair. We don't know her - you do.

Even if you have an agreement, signed by a judge, this won't bar her from suing you in the future; that agreement might help but I'd be doubtful if it could override the Federal statute; again, the contract is between you and the government and she doesn't have standing to modify or cancel that agreement on their behalf (though she's more than entitled to have an arrangement with you and choose not to pursue the matter).

PLEASE please please please please PLEASE do nothing until you've seen an attorney - and you're going to do that ASAP aren't you?

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

And I'll surprise you and take you up on that when I'm in your neck of the woods OG.

Right now I couldn't be any further from your neck of the woods unless I went to the land down under.

Okay then. I will round up Humus to come too. So you can see that we women aren't horrid awful people who are out to screw over men.

[haha123]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

Ouch...ok, it might just be me but that whole "calling it even" thing is a little alarming. Outside of the Affidavit of Support she'd have little to no chance of receiving alimony from you for such a short marriage but from what you've just said, she might actually be aware of ALL of this. Then again, she could genuinely have no malicious intent and just wants what she perceives is fair. We don't know her - you do.

Even if you have an agreement, signed by a judge, this won't bar her from suing you in the future; that agreement might help but I'd be doubtful if it could override the Federal statute; again, the contract is between you and the government and she doesn't have standing to modify or cancel that agreement on their behalf (though she's more than entitled to have an arrangement with you and choose not to pursue the matter).

PLEASE please please please please PLEASE do nothing until you've seen an attorney - and you're going to do that ASAP aren't you?

well, my personal opinion of her is that she does not know about the afidavit, and is asking for what she *thinks* she is entitled for. It's one of those things where I'm trying to do what I can so she wont even consider a lawyer.. but yea, I might seek an atty before I do anything.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by haha123

there is pretty much no equity on the house. we bought it for 165k in 2006, paid it down, and then I refinanced just a few months ago. after closing costs and fees, it is back to 165. so no equity.

I'm really confused on what to do. She is now telling me that she is willing to work with me. She wants half the home equity when I sell it, 10k over the next few years, and help her pay a few bills here and there, and she will call it even.

I'm wondering if I should take a risk? It seems like if I do it, then she wont look back and wont find other ways to get more money.

Did you state previously that she was added to the mortgage when you refinanced? If so, that might possibly be a fair, or at least safer, deal.

Obviously you cannot refinance again, so soon, to remove her from the mortgage. Therefore, unless the house is sold now (which would probably end up being a short sale, and damage both of your credit reports) you cannot remove her from the mortgage for a while. Therefore its not unreasonable for her to receive a share of the equity in exchange for her credit being tied up for however long it has to be tied up until you can sell at a profit. You do have to remove her from the mortgage, one way or another, unless she agrees to stay on it.

Since you also have the immigration support issue, it also might be cheaper to pay her 10k over a couple of years plus some odd bills as long as your exact liability was spelled out and was less than the amount that you might be responsible for under the immigration support issue.

The bottom line is that you have to examine the situation, crunch the numbers and then decide what will be the least damaging solution.

If a litigated, worst case, result will end up with you supporting her at 125% of proverty level until one of the conditions to relieve support is met and being forced to sell the house now on a short sale basis...then her offer might be a good one.

However, if you can refinance now to remove her from the mortgage, then the only issue is support.

You also need to take legal fees into consideration as well. If you end up spending 20k on an attorney to end up 10k better off, you lost money.