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  1. #1
    sammy25 is offline Junior Member
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    Unhappy will my wife get alimony if she never work because she did want to

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? new jersey
    I.ve been married for 18 years i have two kids out of the i8 years of marriage my wife work maybe two years of on and off again jobs most of the times she quit the jobs she always has an excuse that she ain,t getting a job because of the kids first it was that the kid were young now my kid are teenager and she still won,t get a job i always say to her go get a job even the kids tell her to get a job but she always makes an excuses .she just don.t want to work .i.ve been working my whole life supporting her i work alot of overtime sometimes i work 60 hours a week to make ends meet to pay the bills in the house .and she knows we are strugging to pay the bills and it seems like she doen.t care there was a time i was layoff and only bring home a little bit of money and she told me that i better get another job and i told her to look for work too to help out too but she wouldn,t she wanted me to look for work . she does take care of the house and the kids but i also helpout when i,m not working other then that thats all she does. and she doen.t even attend to my needs she even has and excuse for that .What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by sammy25 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? new jersey
    I.ve been married for 18 years i have two kids out of the i8 years of marriage my wife work maybe two years of on and off again jobs most of the times she quit the jobs she always has an excuse that she ain,t getting a job because of the kids first it was that the kid were young now my kid are teenager and she still won,t get a job i always say to her go get a job even the kids tell her to get a job but she always makes an excuses .she just don.t want to work .i.ve been working my whole life supporting her i work alot of overtime sometimes i work 60 hours a week to make ends meet to pay the bills in the house .and she knows we are strugging to pay the bills and it seems like she doen.t care there was a time i was layoff and only bring home a little bit of money and she told me that i better get another job and i told her to look for work too to help out too but she wouldn,t she wanted me to look for work . she does take care of the house and the kids but i also helpout when i,m not working other then that thats all she does. and she doen.t even attend to my needs she even has and excuse for that .What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    What needs of yours has she not attended to?

    That aside, you had a long-term marriage which makes spousal support more likely than a marriage of, for example, only four years.

    However this is going to depend on a number of factors. She hasn't worked for any substantial amount of time during the marriage and (fairly or unfairly) if she's of a certain mindset she could easily claim that you fully supported her lack of employment. This doesn't negate her responsibility to support herself but may reduce any blame put on her.

    Your income will be taken into account and so will hers along with the likelihood of her being able to find adequate employment. At the very least I do think she'll get - at the minimum - short-term rehabilitative support.

    Consult with an attorney - I think you really can't afford not to have one in this situation.
  3. #3
    Bali Hai is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dogmatique View Post
    What needs of yours has she not attended to?

    That aside, you had a long-term marriage which makes spousal support more likely than a marriage of, for example, only four years.

    However this is going to depend on a number of factors. She hasn't worked for any substantial amount of time during the marriage and (fairly or unfairly) if she's of a certain mindset she could easily claim that you fully supported her lack of employment. This doesn't negate her responsibility to support herself but may reduce any blame put on her.

    Your income will be taken into account and so will hers along with the likelihood of her being able to find adequate employment. At the very least I do think she'll get - at the minimum - short-term rehabilitative support.

    Consult with an attorney - I think you really can't afford not to have one in this situation.
    What are we trying to rehabilitate here??

    If she didn't find some sucker to marry, she would have been on welfare for the last 18 years anyway.
  4. #4
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bali Hai View Post
    What are we trying to rehabilitate here??

    If she didn't find some sucker to marry, she would have been on welfare for the last 18 years anyway.
    Do we need to do a group hug here, Bali? And would you mind returning the crystal ball?
  5. #5
    Bali Hai is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dogmatique View Post
    Do we need to do a group hug here, Bali? And would you mind returning the crystal ball?
    Since our view on this subject is miles apart, a group hug wouldn't be appropriate.

    It would be kinda like both lawyers, the judge and both spouses having a group hug after the divorce was finalized. If they left out the ex-husband, the group hug among these people as they patted each others back and congratulated each other on how they "took him for all he was worth" would make sense.

    I'll need the crystal ball for a while longer yet if you don't mind.
  6. #6
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bali Hai View Post
    Since our view on this subject is miles apart, a group hug wouldn't be appropriate.

    It would be kinda like both lawyers, the judge and both spouses having a group hug after the divorce was finalized. If they left out the ex-husband, the group hug among these people as they patted each others back and congratulated each other on how they "took him for all he was worth" would make sense.

    I'll need the crystal ball for a while longer yet if you don't mind.
    That was awesome! (I really should know better than to read this site while I'm drinking tea).

    (And fwiw I've rarely condoned alimony - sure, I don't mind giving examples and info, but that doesn't mean I actually like the concept)
  7. #7
    mary84107 is offline Junior Member
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    Plan, plan, plan

    Sammy25,

    I had a similar situation without multiple kids. Wife and I divorced after 26 years of marriage. Son had been out of the house for 4 years. I didn't force her to work because I made good money and was just a nice guy. I worked putting myself through college. I paid for her college. She never finished. She had a few jobs over the years but wasn't very ambitious. At time of divorce she hadn't worked in 5-6 years.

    I was awarded the lifetime privilege of paying her $2650 a month in alimony. It wasn't really a "divorce" because I'm tied to paying her as long as I live. And should I take a less stressful job with less hours, the Courts will not adjust my alimony to correspond to earnings. So I can't choose a new profession or a less stressful job. I have to live up to my earning potential and pay to support her.

    She now works, but only for friends that pay her under the table so I can't get any modifications to alimony through the Courts. She has also turned lesbian, so she will not remarry and has been living with the same partner for 6 years now. So I have no hope of getting out of life long burden of supporting this woman.

    My advice:
    1. Plan your strategy - if you have already told her you are getting a divorce, slow down. If you haven't told her, don't.

    2. Discuss with an attorney your options. Probably stopping the overtime might be a good idea. Pay the attorney out of your savings now. She's going to get half of any money you have anyway.

    3. Start figuring out what to do with your finances. If you need to downsize the family home, do so before the divorce. That will save you tons of extra stress and will cost a lot less than if you wait for the Court's "assistance."

    4. Get her off of your credit cards and bank accounts. Or, request immediate credit limit reductions to your current balance owed. You might have to set up new one just for yourself. Withdraw and protect any savings. Gather all of your paperwork that you need to have.

    5. Don't get into an argument with your wife. She can file for a restraining order for just a heated argument and you could end up on the street with no place to live and paying for her to live in the house plus temporary support until you go to court for the divorce. Mine took over a year. I had to pay the mortgage payment plus all the money for utilities and household support costs and her living expenses for about 14 months. I also had to find a place to live.

    Remember, she was not working at the time. I worked out of the house about 50% of the time. And our son had his own family and household. But, I got kicked out of the house for an argument. No threats, nothing. The Court gave me 5 minutes to argue for no restraining order but my lawyer sucked at that court appearance and I was forced out.

    Plan, plan, plan or you will get shafted by the system that leans towards protecting the wife and mother over the father.
  8. #8
    Tayla is offline Member
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    Very good advice Mary84!!
    Hopefully its feasible for this New Jersey Residence.

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