Is he telling the truth?

[Iris27]

I have recently started dating a guy who admitted to me that he has a conviction of domestic violence and his x has a restraining order against him.When I asked what happened he said he never laid a finger on her ever but he did vandalize some of her property but she wasnt even home at the time. Now I dont know if I should believe him because my sister who is a criminal justice major says that the acts he commited dont fit in the domestic violence code of N.J That he would have had to hit her or threaten her in some way other wise he would have been charged with criminal mischif. I am concerned because I dont want to get involved with an abusive person.If anyone out there is familiar with the dom v laws of N.J please tell me if I have a hitter on my hands.Should I believe him or kick him to the curb?

 

[Just Blue]

I have recently started dating a guy who admitted to me that he has a conviction of domestic violence and his x has a restraining order against him.When I asked what happened he said he never laid a finger on her ever but he did vandalize some of her property but she wasnt even home at the time. Now I dont know if I should believe him because my sister who is a criminal justice major says that the acts he commited dont fit in the domestic violence code of N.J That he would have had to hit her or threaten her in some way other wise he would have been charged with criminal mischif. I am concerned because I dont want to get involved with an abusive person.If anyone out there is familiar with the dom v laws of N.J please tell me if I have a hitter on my hands.Should I believe him or kick him to the curb?

I vote for the curb!!
EVEN IF...And I don't believe it for a second!...but even if he is telling the truth...Do you really want to date a guy that vandalizes his girlfriends property??...You do own property right?? ...See where I'm going with this??....

Go get a nice guy that doesn't hit or break things...There are lots of them out there....

 

[Happy Trails]

I have recently started dating a guy who admitted to me that he has a conviction of domestic violence and his x has a restraining order against him.When I asked what happened he said he never laid a finger on her ever but he did vandalize some of her property but she wasnt even home at the time. Now I dont know if I should believe him because my sister who is a criminal justice major says that the acts he commited dont fit in the domestic violence code of N.J That he would have had to hit her or threaten her in some way other wise he would have been charged with criminal mischif. I am concerned because I dont want to get involved with an abusive person.If anyone out there is familiar with the dom v laws of N.J please tell me if I have a hitter on my hands.Should I believe him or kick him to the curb?

Go here and click on definitions: http://www.divorcenewjersey.com/domestic.html#2c-25-19

Criminal misconduct is a charge under domestic violence.

2C:17-3. a. Offense defined. A person is guilty of criminal mischief if he:

(1)Purposely or knowingly damages tangible property of another or damages tangible property of another recklessly or negligently in the employment of fire, explosives or other dangerous means listed in subsection a. of N.J.S.2C:17-2; or

(2)Purposely, knowingly or recklessly tampers with tangible property of another so as to endanger person or property, including the damaging or destroying of a rental premises by a tenant in retaliation for institution of eviction proceedings.

b.Grading. (1) Criminal mischief is a crime of the third degree if the actor purposely or knowingly causes pecuniary loss of $2,000.00 or more.

(2)Criminal mischief is a crime of the fourth degree if the actor causes pecuniary loss in excess of $500.00 but less than $2000.00. It is a disorderly persons offense if the actor causes pecuniary loss of $500.00 or less.

(3)Criminal mischief is a crime of the third degree if the actor damages, defaces, eradicates, alters, receives, releases or causes the loss of any research property used by the research facility, or otherwise causes physical disruption to the functioning of the research facility. The term "physical disruption" does not include any lawful activity that results from public, governmental, or research facility employee reaction to the disclosure of information about the research facility.

(4)Criminal mischief is a crime of the fourth degree if the actor damages, removes or impairs the operation of any device, including, but not limited to, a sign, signal, light or other equipment, which serves to regulate or ensure the safety of air traffic at any airport, landing field, landing strip, heliport, helistop or any other aviation facility; however, if the damage, removal or impediment of the device recklessly causes bodily injury or damage to property, the actor is guilty of a crime of the third degree, or if it recklessly causes a death, the actor is guilty of a crime of the second degree.

(5)Criminal mischief is a crime of the fourth degree if the actor interferes or tampers with any airport, landing field, landing strip, heliport, helistop or any other aviation facility; however if the interference or tampering with the airport, landing field, landing strip, heliport, helistop or other aviation facility recklessly causes bodily injury or damage to property, the actor is guilty of a crime of the third degree, or if it recklessly causes a death, the actor is guilty of a crime of the second degree.

(6)Criminal mischief is a crime of the third degree if the actor tampers with a grave, crypt, mausoleum or other site where human remains are stored or interred, with the purpose to desecrate, destroy or steal such human remains or any part thereof.

(7)Criminal mischief is a crime of the third degree if the actor purposely or knowingly causes a substantial interruption or impairment of public communication, transportation, supply of water, oil, gas or power, or other public service. Criminal mischief is a crime of the second degree if the substantial interruption or impairment recklessly causes death.

(8)Criminal mischief is a crime of the fourth degree if the actor purposely or knowingly breaks, digs up, obstructs or otherwise tampers with any pipes or mains for conducting gas, oil or water, or any works erected for supplying buildings with gas, oil or water, or any appurtenances or appendages therewith connected, or injures, cuts, breaks down, destroys or otherwise tampers with any electric light wires, poles or appurtenances, or any telephone, telecommunications, cable television or telegraph wires, lines, cable or appurtenances.

c.A person convicted of an offense of criminal mischief that involves an act of graffiti may, in addition to any other penalty imposed by the court, be required to pay to the owner of the damaged property monetary restitution in the amount of the pecuniary damage caused by the act of graffiti and to perform community service, which shall include removing the graffiti from the property, if appropriate. If community service is ordered, it shall be for either not less than 20 days or not less than the number of days necessary to remove the graffiti from the property.

d.As used in this section:

(1)"Act of graffiti" means the drawing, painting or making of any mark or inscription on public or private real or personal property without the permission of the owner.

(2)"Spray paint" means any paint or pigmented substance that is in an aerosol or similar spray container.

e.A person convicted of an offense of criminal mischief that involves the damaging or destroying of a rental premises by a tenant in retaliation for institution of eviction proceedings, may, in addition to any other penalty imposed by the court, be required to pay to the owner of the property monetary restitution in the amount of the pecuniary damage caused by the damage or destruction.

Amended 1979, c.178, s.30; 1981, c.290, s.17; 1991, c.336, s.1, 1995, c.20, s.2; 1995, c.251, s.1; 1998, c.54, s.1; 1999, c.95, s.1; 2005,c.316,s.1; 2005,c.319,s.5.

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So is Burglary N.J.S. 2C:18-2, Criminal trespass N.J.S. 2C:18-3, Harassment N.J.S. 2C:33-4 and Stalking P.L.1992, c. 209 (C. 2C:12-10). Which none of these things are good.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I have recently started dating a guy who admitted to me that he has a conviction of domestic violence and his x has a restraining order against him.When I asked what happened he said he never laid a finger on her ever but he did vandalize some of her property but she wasnt even home at the time. Now I dont know if I should believe him because my sister who is a criminal justice major says that the acts he commited dont fit in the domestic violence code of N.J That he would have had to hit her or threaten her in some way other wise he would have been charged with criminal mischif. I am concerned because I dont want to get involved with an abusive person.If anyone out there is familiar with the dom v laws of N.J please tell me if I have a hitter on my hands.Should I believe him or kick him to the curb?

You should be able to go to the courthouse and look at the file for free and it may be worth the money to access the records in the internet. Then you can see what the record shows.

 

[garrula lingua]

EEEEEEE...... I vote for the curb,

I married above myself. He's much better than I am - smarter, better looking, higher ethics, more beautiful person, overall.

He has made me a better person over the 38 years we've been married. (I think the man should be cannonized. I admit I'm a b...)

Marry above. They bring out the best in you.

 

[Just Blue]

EEEEEEE...... I vote for the curb,

I married above myself. He's much better than I am - smarter, better looking, higher ethics, more beautiful person, overall.

He has made me a better person over the 38 years we've been married. (I think the man should be cannonized. I admit I'm a b...)

Marry above. They bring out the best in you.

Now for some reason I thought that you were a man...sorry...

Does your better half have a brother??

 

[outonbail]

Iris27 I have recently started dating a guy who admitted to me that he has a conviction of domestic violence

Red light number one. The key word here is "violence", look it up. Your already
questioning what it is your getting yourself into, so it’s usually best to follow your instincts.

his x has a restraining order against him.

Red light number two. Couldn't control his anger, jealousy, emotions or all three, which is why his ex had to turn to the courts for protection. Let her nightmare be your warning of the stormy weather that lies ahead!

When I asked what happened he said he never laid a finger on her ever but he did vandalize some of her property

Red light number three. He was in such a rage that he took his anger out on inanimate objects. This usually consists of damaging or destroying property which he knew would hurt his ex the most. Possibly irreplaceable trinkets of little value, yet dear to his ex. A good example of selfish, adolescent behavior.

but she wasn’t even home at the time.

Red light number four, five and six! She wasn't even home to set him off? She wasn't there pushing his buttons or antagonizing him? It was just him and her property, yet he still couldn't control himself? Now you know why he didn't lay a finger on her, she wasn't there for him to attack!

It is obvious that he is capable of doing physical harm at a moments notice. He fits into the group of those who can suddenly "Snap" and go ballistic over losing control, or a last straw type of situation. Then, he receives gratification and somehow feels he is still calling the shots by instilling fear or destroying property. This guy's insecure and filled with anger. He hasn't yet reached emotional maturity and may never get there. He's probably a spoiled momma's boy that doesn't play well with others. The longer you wait to drop this dysfunctional wart, the greater the probability that you yourself, will have to turn to the courts for an order of protection. Only now he knows how the court game is played, so he will be a little better at it.

Kick him to the curb before he’s stuck to you like a hot piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe!

 

[CdwJava]

EEEEEEE...... I vote for the curb,

I married above myself. He's much better than I am - smarter, better looking, higher ethics, more beautiful person, overall.

He has made me a better person over the 38 years we've been married. (I think the man should be cannonized. I admit I'm a b...)

Marry above. They bring out the best in you.

Show him that post ... it'll make his day!

- Carl

 

[Iris27]

Thanks to all

Thank you to everyone for the advise. I know it may sound dumb but I really only wanted to see if it were possible that he was telling the truth about not hitting her. I was in an abusive relationship and I like to think I have learned my lesson. I have to say I cant respect a man who hits a women nor would I make room in my life for someone like that. But in keeping with battered women tradition I have to defend him just a bit.I know it will just make me sound like a moron but I think we all get a bit out of control once in a while, I know I have I just never got in trouble for it. With out going into extreme detail I will say that givin the info about the situation I would have been very angry to. It seems that after an 11 year relationship with this women he found out she had another man and when he confronted her she addmitted it and kicked him out.Then less than a week later she moved another man into the house that the two had shared with their young child.He had spent 5 years and many thousands of dollars rebuilding the house himself just to have it taken over by another man.The offense happened when he went to the home to retreve his things and move out.I do know what he did was messed up and so dose he.He did not have to tell me in the first place but he did and I can respect him for that.I for the most part dont trust anyone and that is why I was seeking advise in the first place,as all that gave the advise can see his story did seem a bit far fetched.But now that I see his offence does fit into the domestic violence code I see that he was telling the truth at least about that.I will continue to keep my gaurd up and look out for any red flags but for now Im satisfied that I am not dealing with a hitter.I will however be kicking him to the curb at the first sign of a temper tantraum, and believe me he is well aware of this fact.I have been out of the abusive relationship for 8 years now and I am up frount with every man I date I do not by any means tolorate disrepect.And in the four months I have been dating him he has givin me nothing but respect, we havent even had our first fight YET.So thank you all for your words of concern and for the help and advise.Though you may all think I am an idiot I think I'll give this guy the benifit of the doubt after all not all of us can take a broken heart in stride.

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you to everyone for the advise. I know it may sound dumb but I really only wanted to see if it were possible that he was telling the truth about not hitting her. I was in an abusive relationship and I like to think I have learned my lesson. I have to say I cant respect a man who hits a women nor would I make room in my life for someone like that. But in keeping with battered women tradition I have to defend him just a bit.I know it will just make me sound like a moron but I think we all get a bit out of control once in a while, I know I have I just never got in trouble for it. With out going into extreme detail I will say that givin the info about the situation I would have been very angry to. It seems that after an 11 year relationship with this women he found out she had another man and when he confronted her she addmitted it and kicked him out.Then less than a week later she moved another man into the house that the two had shared with their young child.He had spent 5 years and many thousands of dollars rebuilding the house himself just to have it taken over by another man.The offense happened when he went to the home to retreve his things and move out.I do know what he did was messed up and so dose he.He did not have to tell me in the first place but he did and I can respect him for that.I for the most part dont trust anyone and that is why I was seeking advise in the first place,as all that gave the advise can see his story did seem a bit far fetched.But now that I see his offence does fit into the domestic violence code I see that he was telling the truth at least about that.I will continue to keep my gaurd up and look out for any red flags but for now Im satisfied that I am not dealing with a hitter.I will however be kicking him to the curb at the first sign of a temper tantraum, and believe me he is well aware of this fact.I have been out of the abusive relationship for 8 years now and I am up frount with every man I date I do not by any means tolorate disrepect.And in the four months I have been dating him he has givin me nothing but respect, we havent even had our first fight YET.So thank you all for your words of concern and for the help and advise.Though you may all think I am an idiot I think I'll give this guy the benifit of the doubt after all not all of us can take a broken heart in stride.

You really need to find out the WHOLE story...As I'm sure you know, abusers are VERY manipulative and you are only getting his side....Just check it out...be safe and good luck!

 

[Kane]

What is it with women and criminals, anyway?

Everytime I go down to the jail, I'm amazed at the number of girls waiting to see their boyfriends.

I assume it's hormones?

 

[Just Blue]

What is it with women and criminals, anyway?

Everytime I go down to the jail, I'm amazed at the number of girls waiting to see their boyfriends.

I assume it's hormones?

I don't know...I was in a long abusive relationship, and would NEVER get involved with a criminal....There are good men out there...Why take the chance with a man who has already proven what kind of violence he capable of?

 

[Iris27]

your lucky

EEEEEEE...... I vote for the curb,

I married above myself. He's much better than I am - smarter, better looking, higher ethics, more beautiful person, overall.

He has made me a better person over the 38 years we've been married. (I think the man should be cannonized. I admit I'm a b...)

Marry above. They bring out the best in you.

I dated above myself once. We were together for a year and looking to buy a house 2gether.I had never met anyone like him and after handing my paychecks over to him for 3 months while saving for the house we settled on a three br condo.Two weeks b4 closing while I was sick in bed recovering from food poisining he came home from work on his lunch break and told me he didnt love me anymore and I had to leave.He had my things packed up in trash bags by the end of the day and my 5 year old son and I were out on our own by that evening.He now lives in "our" house and runs a successful computer buisness from it.I had no claim to the house since he went behind my back and had my name removed from the morgage lone.AS a result of this situation and other contributing factors I fell into money problems an dhad to end up moving my son and my self into a hotel for almost 3 months we noew live in my fathers basement.I guess you never can tell with people these days no matter how far above you they seem to be.

 

[Kane]

I assume it's the bad-boy image. Women are as helpless to it as men are... well, pretty much to women generally.

 

[outonbail]

He did not have to tell me in the first place but he did and I can respect him for that

This is all part of the manipulation process. Gain your trust with the illusion of opening up and disclosing all (or almost all) the good and the bad (some of the bad anyway)

I hope I'm wrong, just be careful. Pay attention to how he treats others, the waitress, the store clerk, the driver going too slow in front of him, innocent animals etc,,,,,,

When things begin to get more on the serious side, take yourself a week or at least a weekend off and go out of town by yourself. This will give you a chance to think about where your headed and if it is what you want for you! Many people have a difficult time thinking for themselves when someone else is right there, having an influence on their thought process, whether they realize it or not.

This will also give you the opportunity to see if he becomes upset, or worse with you for wanting a couple of days for yourself to do whatever the hell you want. Manipulative, controlling, jealous boyfriends will go to great measures to stop their partner from being out of their sight and influence for extended periods of time.

Realize I'm not suggesting for you to play games with him, but you need to know what his reaction will be to decisions you make on your own and which may not include his input or participation. Controlling people will not allow such freedom to get in the way of their rule over a relationship,,,,,