Heart.It.Races
Junior Member
What is the name of your state? TN.
Hi, I don't know what I can accomplish by posting this, but maybe I want some hope? Maybe I don't deserve any. I don't know. I don't even know if this is where I should post it. Anyways, here goes.
I'm 20 years old. Male, and live in Tennessee.
I am engaged, and have a clean record. Never been in any trouble. I have a decent job which a great promotion coming in a few months. I had plans to goto school next spring as well. Basically, I am confused with my self and my actions because of all I got going for me, I threw it all away.
A few months ago, I was on yahoo messenger. I had for some reason started talking to another girl. She was 20 something, legal. We were talking about sex. I was masturbating and looking at porn. Why? I am engaged, and very happy. I can't answer why. I have a problem with sex, I know this. It's no excuse, but for some reason, I lose my good thoughts when I get aroused, and I was all "in the moment". I wanted a release, my fiancee wasn't home, so I continued. Well, I happened to also start talking to another girl.
This is where it all goes down hill. I was already "horny", and talking with a girl of legal age. This other girl, who now we know was an undercover police officer, said she was 13.
I didn't stop talking to her. Why? I can't answer that. I am not a pedophile, nor does that stuff turn me on. I am telling the truth here. I was already in the moment, looking at porn, having sexual conversation with another lady, but I didn't ignore the 13 year old. Well, I ended up showing her a picture of my penis after she showed me a picture of her. Really really really stupid. I lost all judgment while wanting to get a few minutes of pleasure.
Fast forward. The investigator first talked to me in his car, I confessed to everything. I was so scared. I didn't see the point in not confessing. I figured I'd be better off complying with what he asked and being as reasonable as possible. Maybe it'd help me. Or maybe I made another bad decision.
A few weeks later, I was arrested and put in county jail. WOW. I felt like suicide. My parents still doesn't know, but my sister does, and my fiancee's parents as well. They bailed me out actually. A 10K bail. I felt like such a disappointment.
I hired a lawyer just to give myself and my fiancee who has forgiven me some hope. The first court date, I didn't have to show up. My lawyer got a 2nd date, and that is in 1 week.
He said I shoudn't have to worry about going to jail. I have a good job, a clean record, I'm only 20 years old and they don't gain anything by putting me in jail. He also said his concern and what he'll be fighting for is for a lower plea. For it not to be on my record, so this loss of judgment that didn't harm ANYONE besides MYSELF doesn't ruin my whole life.
What awaits me? Is there any hope?
I had the perfect life. A great fiancee, both of us with decent jobs and good health. I couldn't ask for anything more. We have or had great plans. She has forgiven me and we have tried to live normally and ignore it all until we actually have to face it, however .. on me, and I know on her too, it's been really hard. It's really hard not to be selfish and leave the world every day. If I goto jail and the felony stays on my record, and I am on the registry... I don't see myself living.
Hi, I don't know what I can accomplish by posting this, but maybe I want some hope? Maybe I don't deserve any. I don't know. I don't even know if this is where I should post it. Anyways, here goes.
I'm 20 years old. Male, and live in Tennessee.
I am engaged, and have a clean record. Never been in any trouble. I have a decent job which a great promotion coming in a few months. I had plans to goto school next spring as well. Basically, I am confused with my self and my actions because of all I got going for me, I threw it all away.
A few months ago, I was on yahoo messenger. I had for some reason started talking to another girl. She was 20 something, legal. We were talking about sex. I was masturbating and looking at porn. Why? I am engaged, and very happy. I can't answer why. I have a problem with sex, I know this. It's no excuse, but for some reason, I lose my good thoughts when I get aroused, and I was all "in the moment". I wanted a release, my fiancee wasn't home, so I continued. Well, I happened to also start talking to another girl.
This is where it all goes down hill. I was already "horny", and talking with a girl of legal age. This other girl, who now we know was an undercover police officer, said she was 13.
I didn't stop talking to her. Why? I can't answer that. I am not a pedophile, nor does that stuff turn me on. I am telling the truth here. I was already in the moment, looking at porn, having sexual conversation with another lady, but I didn't ignore the 13 year old. Well, I ended up showing her a picture of my penis after she showed me a picture of her. Really really really stupid. I lost all judgment while wanting to get a few minutes of pleasure.
Fast forward. The investigator first talked to me in his car, I confessed to everything. I was so scared. I didn't see the point in not confessing. I figured I'd be better off complying with what he asked and being as reasonable as possible. Maybe it'd help me. Or maybe I made another bad decision.
A few weeks later, I was arrested and put in county jail. WOW. I felt like suicide. My parents still doesn't know, but my sister does, and my fiancee's parents as well. They bailed me out actually. A 10K bail. I felt like such a disappointment.
I hired a lawyer just to give myself and my fiancee who has forgiven me some hope. The first court date, I didn't have to show up. My lawyer got a 2nd date, and that is in 1 week.
He said I shoudn't have to worry about going to jail. I have a good job, a clean record, I'm only 20 years old and they don't gain anything by putting me in jail. He also said his concern and what he'll be fighting for is for a lower plea. For it not to be on my record, so this loss of judgment that didn't harm ANYONE besides MYSELF doesn't ruin my whole life.
What awaits me? Is there any hope?
I had the perfect life. A great fiancee, both of us with decent jobs and good health. I couldn't ask for anything more. We have or had great plans. She has forgiven me and we have tried to live normally and ignore it all until we actually have to face it, however .. on me, and I know on her too, it's been really hard. It's really hard not to be selfish and leave the world every day. If I goto jail and the felony stays on my record, and I am on the registry... I don't see myself living.
. You are lucky it was only a $10,000 bail and not $50,000. You will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of your life. You also face prison time. You need a good attorney. If the '13 year-old' sent you a picture first and that picture was of a 18yo or older...it would have had to have been otherwise the undercover violated the law about disseminating child porn - unless it was g-rated.