Protective order?

[candg918]

What is the name of your state? OK

A former girl friend of my son obtained a protective order against him. No violence was involved - just phone and emails. He was never allowed to appear in court; her final order was issued only on her accusations in another state - AZ.

The former girl friend would go to places that my son had frequented before she dated him; she only started going to these places because of their dating. For example, she was out of town at school for a year; she came back to town for the summer and went to the club on the day that a specific band played at the club knowing that my son would be there as he would go nearly every week. He left as soon as he noticed her there. Later that week, he and a friend were at another club playing pool; she again came to the club, and he left.

It seems as though she was deliberately trying to make him violate the order and have him arrested by going to places she knew he would be. He asked for a protective order against her but did not receive it. It seems as though the courts here will do nothing for a man. My husband was even prevented from going into the courtroom to observe our son's request for a protective order while the woman could take friends for moral support.

It does not seem that she is really "afraid" of him if she knowingly goes where he will be. Is there anything he can do to keep her from stalking him?

 

[hearfocus]

What is the name of your state? OK
It does not seem that she is really "afraid" of him if she knowingly goes where he will be. Is there anything he can do to keep her from stalking him?

Did he happen to ask for his own order in court when she had him subpoened? If so that is not the way the system usually works. He would need to go through the process on his own, the slow way. Keep a detailed record of her stalking and have your son apply for his own protective order.
(I'm not an attorney; just been there, done that)

 

[chris86]

Protective order

Is there not a time-limit on a protective order? I always believed there was...might be worth checking. I have sons...told them to be very cautious with girls...this is why. Good luck!

 

[hearfocus]

Is there not a time-limit on a protective order? I always believed there was...might be worth checking. I have sons...told them to be very cautious with girls...this is why. Good luck!

Every state is completely different about this. In Nevada, you get a 30 day temporary order. If the person does nothing to violate that order, you can't get the next one....a 1 year. You have to re-apply if they start up again. However, Northern Nevada and Southern Nevada are also very different. In Las Vegas, if the person ever lived with you, you can two temporary orders: one in Family Court, and the other in Justice Court.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

What is the name of your state? OK

A former girl friend of my son obtained a protective order against him. No violence was involved - just phone and emails. He was never allowed to appear in court; Not true, he is obligated and was notified of the hearing.

Your son was obligated to be in court. Courts do not just ban a person from his right to his trial.


The former girl friend would go to places that my son had frequented before she dated him; she only started going to these places because of their dating. For example, she was out of town at school for a year; she came back to town for the summer and went to the club on the day that a specific band played at the club knowing that my son would be there as he would go nearly every week. He left as soon as he noticed her there. Later that week, he and a friend were at another club playing pool; she again came to the club, and he left.

It seems as though she was deliberately trying to make him violate the order and have him arrested by going to places she knew he would be. He asked for a protective order against her but did not receive it. It seems as though the courts here will do nothing for a man. No, it seems he was notified of his court date, and failed to appear. Please do not state he was not allowed to attend, that is bogus and you know it.


My husband was even prevented from going into the courtroom to observe our son's request for a protective order while the woman could take friends for moral support. Sorry, Don't buy it. Unless your husband became abusive, the court is a public session.


It does not seem that she is really "afraid" of him if she knowingly goes where he will be. Is there anything he can do to keep her from stalking him? Yes! Face the fact that your son is restrained from contacting her. If she really is contacting him,he can call the DA and find out his rights as a restrained person.

 

[candg918]

He was not even in the state where the original hearing was held - about 900 miles away, in fact. The ex was a student in another state, and they were arguing long distance. If he was SUPPOSED to be notified, who had to do it? How? How much notice would he have had to appear? It is a 2 day drive to get there in GOOD weather - much less in the middle of winter. I stand by my statement that he was not informed prior to the hearing.

He continued on with his life and was dating other people. She began appearing where she knew he would be when she returned home for the summer. Her friends - not their mutual ones - were even calling him. She appeared to be baiting him which was certainly her style. (Needless to say, my son has made terrible choices of girlfriends - improving but still shakey!)

In order to apply for a protective order here, one has to go through the domestic violence group at the court house. My husband did go with him and was prevented from going into the courtroom by either an employee or volunteer of that agency. That may not have been the proper procedure but that is what was done. My husband was not about to go into the courtroom over the objection of the people who seemed to have some official function at the courthouse. Who should he have gone to for permission to enter the courtroom?

Is there a difference between a "restraining order" and a "protective order"? If so, what are the differences and what is the major defining factor in deciding which one to seek. If so, are they generally heard before the same type of judge and through the same filing office?

 

[candg918]

I should have added, we contacted an attorney in the state where the order was entered; he indicated that the order was a permanent one and that my son could not contest it. There was no temporary one issued with a court date listed.

 

[hearfocus]

I believe you.

The only difference between a restraining order and a protective order is the terminology. You would have to find out your local rules as to how to get one. They are different in every county.

Are you saying your husband was prevented from attending the group? It sounded like you meant a court hearing at first. It may be lawful to only allow the applicants to attend some group.

I have a 20 yr old daughter and it would be easy to say that she doesn't have good taste in men. But that's not really the case with these kids. They are all still growing up, until they turn 30! They don't know someone truly until they get to know them. Trial and error is their only method, unless you can convince them to get a dating education, go to a relationship seminar or coach like MarsVenus.com. Fat chance of that though! I just tell my daughter, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a Prince." They need a saying like that for young men. You may need to learn to detach when your son does get married. Chances are you aren't going to like her, either.

 

[candg918]

It was not a group; it was the court session. The organization helps people do the paperwork and is thus the gatekeeper of the courtroom.

Actually, I have other kids; 2 are already married, and I love their spouses. It was funny, DIL called with good news even before DS got home. He then called with the same news. I am on terrific terms with SIL and family. DS with very poor judgment about women tends to pick up ones that need help only he cannot even take care of himself very well. They take his money, live in his place without paying for anything, and take advantage of his kind nature. He is regularly taken advantage of by roommates who don't pay their share, too. He was a special ed student for academic issues so has lots of problems of his own. I had even checked on whether there was anything we could do about some of these people taking advantage of him given that he is disabled. I was advised that since he was an adult but not elderly, there was nothing that could be done.

The ex who caused all of the problems has a brother convicted of gun and drug charges. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and not hold that against her. As I got to know the mother, I began to see what the problem was. They were very in tune with the court system. We are not. Just say that the friend of his who was a girl (not a girl friend) that I liked the best of the ones of that period worked as a waitress at the topless bar - her parents had kicked her out when she graduated from high school. The rest were not that responsible.