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  1. #1
    rowierand is offline Junior Member
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    is a push domestic violence

    What is the name of your state? Arizona I have a question . 2 weeks ago i went to a church meeting and i let my husband at home with his 95 year old father who is on hospice and can not be left alone for 1 minute as he is not safe. I came back 15 minutes early and found my father in law tring to reach a tissue on the grass he was almost out off his wheelchair i sceamed for him to stop and ran to pull him back into the wheelchair. then i went into the house and asked where was my husband, no one knew my 12 year old daughter was up stairs and my 88 year old mother in law was asleep in her. when i asked her where was my husband she said he is outside with my father in law. I then send my kids to look for him and they could not find him, so i told them to watch for him,and i started to cook dinner, about 25 minutes later my 12 yaer old came and said he is coming from the main road.

    when he came in i saked where the hell was he , he lied and said he was right in the front yard . he then begain to yell at flora and me and he yelled so loud he started to loose his voice . then he went to take his father and try to leave with him. I take care off his father and wash him and get him up everyday and have done so for 3 and a half years. and when i was sick for 2 days and my husband had to get his father up he got a really bad dipper rash he does not even know what meds to give him or how often to give them. and how to do the oxygen, and had no place to bring him that would be safe for john he was just doing it to spite me . his sister does not want him ,and hospice has said not to drive him anywhere even down to his sisters house as he is not able for the ride and the stress of the ride he will try to stand up while driving like he has donre before. that is why one year ago we had to stop any car trips

    any way i could not take the yelling amymore and i push him towards the door and told him i was done i gave hime one week to find a place for flora john and him self i was finished i was tiredthis was all day everday for 24 7 7 days a week 365 days a year and it was every night for months to the point i had to get meds from the my doctor as i could not sleep at night and he sleeped ever night while i had to deal with his dad but for my bad luck he bumped his head on a latch. then he left and 5 minutes later came back with the cops.

    i could not belive it and told his brother in law w ho i was talking to on the phone what was happening and he could not believe it there was a police car in my driveway.i had to bring john to the batheroom and told the officer he had to wait one minute . when i was done with john i went to the door and the officer asked me what happened so i told him and then they arresreted me. even though my husband then said he did not want then to arrest me it was to late.

    to make things worse the left my 4 year old and 12 year old scremaming and then they even left my fatherinlaw alone . i begged them not to do this and told them i would show up to court whenever it was ,and that it was apush for gods sake ,and my fatherinlaw could not be left alone . this went on for 3 hours and that hole time they where left alone my husband was not there.I even tried to give them the hospice number and all they would say was that he was an adult he could take care of himself, i kept asking the sargent what part of hospice did he not get..still nothind my husband even said he did not want to take care of his father or his kids and that he would leave and not come back ,he wanted me to take care if the house


    when i got home after 9 pm john was really upset and had not been given his food or meds. and i took care off him and put him to bed

    my question is can i get this arrest or assult dropped or change it to self deffence i have never even gotten a speeding ticket before i have to go to court on the 13 nov please let me know where i stand or if there is a phone number i can call for help


    thank you rowierand
    Last edited by rowierand; 11-08-2006 at 01:42 PM.
  2. #2
    moburkes is offline Senior Member
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    Yes, a push can be domestic violence. And, I have no idea how you would be able to claim self defense. Nothing in that long, confusing narrative indicated that you were defending yourself against anything when you pushed your husband.
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  3. #3
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
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    ...any way i could not take it anymore and i push him towards the door and told him i was done i gave hime one week to find a place for flora john and him self i was finished but for my bad luck he bumped his head on a latch. then he left and 5 minutes later came back with the cops.....

    Let's hear more about this part.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  4. #4
    CdwJava is offline Senior Member
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    You have an argument for self defense if you were defending yourself from a physical assault ... you do NOT have a right to use physical force to cease arguing or a verbal drubbing.

    Chances are that IF the DA goes forward you will face counseling, probation, and a fine. There may also be a deferral program that will allow this to go away if you successfully complete the counseling and probation for a year or two.

    Consult local counsel.

    - Carl
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

    "Make mine a double mocha ...
    And a croissant!"

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM
  5. #5
    Ozark_Sophist is offline Senior Member
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    My M-in-L cared for her mother (dementia and sun-downers) for years at home. Fortunately, my M-in-L sister traded responsiblity every month for their mother. It sounds as if you could use some respite from the responsibilities. You need time for yourself to recharge. Unfortunately, your H seems to lack understanding about the stress and complexity of end of life issues and day to day care.

    Have you sought respite care to get scheduled time off? Home nurses? If not, is a care facility appropriate for your F-in-L -- at least temporary for a month? I understand these decisions are complex, emotional decisions -- particularily if the issue was never honestly discussed before.

    My parents have expressly given me permission--actually, they directed me to put them in a home if they deteriorate to a condition when they can't care for self or each other. I know it will be hard to know when, but my relationship with my wife comes first (which is what my parents want).

    Unfortunately, my M-n-L views such talk as inappropriate because she does not want to even think about life's natural course (we all get old). My wife and I may have to deal with the issue at some point in the future (hopefully, far, far in the future).

    In your case, domestic violence calls in our area automatically result in an arrest of one or both participants. The police don't have a choice. Seek a local attorney for specific advice.

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