Husband's accident affecting me, his wife

[JustMarried921]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

I am recently married (092107). My husband was involved in an automobile/pedestrian accident whereby he was on a bicycle when a car hit him. This occurred in July 2004. I did not witness the accident; however, I did witness when the ambulance crew dropped him at the hospital. Among other injuries, he has been having headaches since--so severe it disables him. I contacted his attorney's office because this accident has caused me so much stress that it is now affecting our marriage. He freaked out when the attorney's office told me that he was receiving a check for settlement of the first portion of his case. As his wife, do I have the right to let his attorney, or paralegal, know how his headaches are so severe that it is causing me pain and suffering. His personality changes on a daily basis. He was never like this prior to the accident. He hit the windshield with his head, cracking it, and then landed quite a bit farther away from that vehicle. His trauma is now my trauma. My husband says that it is his case and I have no business. My business is that it is, and has, affected me. I live with his pain every day--now it is my pain as well. It's awful. Friday, he was having an okay day. Saturday, he was imbalanced with dizziness, could not open his eyes, and slept all day and night. Sunday, he was pleasant so much that we were able to have lunch. Monday, he went to work wtih a headache and could not function in the evening. Today, he is screaming at me because he has to work and he can't think straight due to the pain. Don't I have the right to let his attorney know this. Is his settlement my business as well? I do not want him to settle if he still needs the help. We need the money for household expenses, but I need my husband more. Please someone HELP

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

You married him three years after the accident. The whole for better or worse bit.

You did not hit the lawsuit lotto.

 

[JustMarried921]

Thank you for your reply. I mean no disrespect, but I believe you have missed my point. I need my husband to be as normal as possible MORE than WE need the settlement. I am greatly concerned. NO MONEY can substitute my husband's health--or sanity, or our sanity. Of course, I have not posted all the medical details, such as the clinicians he has already seen. I am reaching out to his attorneys' office to try to help him, thus helping me, thus helping us. Please help.

 

[Zigner]

You married him knowing he had these problems...

 

[JustMarried921]

Zigner, of course I married him KNOWING he had these problems. I have been with him for 6 years. My question really is, "Do I have the right, as his wife, to contact his attorney to let him know that he is not well?" I need help here NOT derogatory comments. What's up? Please, both responders are misunderstanding me. Why? Am I not being clear enough?

 

[Zigner]

Zigner, of course I married him KNOWING he had these problems. I have been with him for 6 years. My question really is, "Do I have the right, as his wife, to contact his attorney to let him know that he is not well?" I need help here NOT derogatory comments. What's up? Please, both responders are misunderstanding me. Why? Am I not being clear enough?

There's been nothing "derogatory" said to you.
The misunderstanding stems from:

I contacted his attorney's office because this accident has caused me so much stress that it is now affecting our marriage.

The fact of the matter is that you married this man KNOWING of his health problems. It is something you had PLENTY of time to see before entering in to marriage. So you can't start claiming that this is something that wasn't present and all of a sudden is present.

Can you contact his attorney? Sure - but the attorney won't be able to discuss things with you unless hubby gives explicit permission...and even then the attorney would likely be limited on what he can discuss.

 

[JustMarried921]

I understand.

This did affect me prior to our marriage. In fact, I have kept a journal since the accident. I wanted to be sure that all of his complaints would be documented. I let my husband know of this all along. It is now, that I am calling the attorney because it is getting close to settlement. I do not think he is well enough to settle just yet. He still has major complaints, so much that it is affecting our marriage. You see, we did not live together before. We waited until after we were married. I have now see the limitations he has. Since September, I have see the disabling affects that his injuries cause him.

Come to think of it, I called the attorney's office prior as well, but they never answered my call. I called them today because I wanted to find out whether he can go to a different doctor. My private insurance covers him as well as his own private insurance. I wanted to make sure I was giving the doctor's office the correct info, whether it be from private or auto insurance.

I have told my husband that this has affected me as well. He was to have told his attorney. So I thought they knew this.

 

[Zigner]

I understand.

This did affect me prior to our marriage. In fact, I have kept a journal since the accident. I wanted to be sure that all of his complaints would be documented. I let my husband know of this all along. It is now, that I am calling the attorney because it is getting close to settlement. I do not think he is well enough to settle just yet. He still has major complaints, so much that it is affecting our marriage. You see, we did not live together before. We waited until after we were married. I have now see the limitations he has. Since September, I have see the disabling affects that his injuries cause him.

Come to think of it, I called the attorney's office prior as well, but they never answered my call. I called them today because I wanted to find out whether he can go to a different doctor. My private insurance covers him as well as his own private insurance. I wanted to make sure I was giving the doctor's office the correct info, whether it be from private or auto insurance.

I have told my husband that this has affected me as well. He was to have told his attorney. So I thought they knew this.

From a legal standpoint, it doesn't matter that it affects you. (that's what we're trying to say).

Your HUSBAND needs to be communicating with HIS attorney. You can give the attorney information, but it would be MUCH better coming from him.
Also, you will not have any direct impact on the settlement negotiations. THAT'S why hubby needs to talk to the attorney.

 

[fcobarr]

remember...any medical bills paid by your auto or private health insurance will need to be reimbursed out of the settlement.

It is your husbands case, not yours to settle. If you want to start your own case for your pain and suffering against the at fault party, consult an attorney and see if you have a case. Highly unlikely.

Settlement is for pain/suffering/future medical care...... not

"We need the money for household expenses..."

Good luck.

 

[ecmst12]

If at any point the atty believes that a statement from you regarding the degree of his limitations and the daily struggles he goes through, would be helpful to the case, he will ask you for one. Other then that, it's really none of your business. There are reasons to settle before MMI is reached, but you also need to consider the possibility that he will NEVER get any better, never be the same as he was before. He may have in fact reached MMI. The accident was over 3 years ago, there may not be any other treatment that will help the headaches besides pain meds as needed.

Money for bills is an appropriate claim if lost wages are included.

At any rate, even though his injury affects you, his legal case is between him and his lawyer and doctor. Your only role is to support him when he needs it.

 

[JustMarried921]

remember...any medical bills paid by your auto or private health insurance will need to be reimbursed out of the settlement.

It is your husbands case, not yours to settle. If you want to start your own case for your pain and suffering against the at fault party, consult an attorney and see if you have a case. Highly unlikely.

Settlement is for pain/suffering/future medical care...... not

"We need the money for household expenses..."

Good luck.

Thank you for your post. I just spoke to his attorney. He has asked me to send him what I have in my diary so he can have in file. He feels it would help their (husband and attorney) case. I agree it is my husbands case to settle, not mine. As I stated prior, I am not wanting to settle his case--I just want him to seek the medical attention that his attorney and myself want him to seek. "We need the money for household expenses" is not my reason enough to settle; it is my husband's reason to settle because he feels "we need the money for household expenses." The first portion of settlement that was completed this December settled because the driver was underinsured. I spoke to the attorney concerning this because to ensure that the collection accounts that have accrued on my husband's credit report is taken care of and, ultimately would affect me too.

Of note, my husband works in medicine (in surgery). He feels that he has no time to seek medical attention. He functions enough to do his job. He then comes home and crashes. Poor thing. I feel bad for him. He should be on disability. He is too afraid because of his ex-wife. She gets 1600 a month from him for child support, but has the children on medicaid. She has a degree in accounting and an MBA, but claims she cannot work. She bought a Curves gym, but claims a loss. She is buying another Curves gym, claiming that this will make up for the loss on the first one. It is insane. I'm a single mom prior to marriage too. I do not have the college degree, but make a decent living whereby I do not rely on my husband's income to care for my 2 children and myself. I receive 600 a month and spend my child support purely on my children's private music lessons. If I can make a living without the child support, I feel my child so deserve every penny. His children have to buy their own clothing with their birthday money. He is stress, of course, by this as well as this accident. I am not trying to hurt him. I've explained this to his attorney.

Thanks again for the post.

 

[JustMarried921]

If at any point the atty believes that a statement from you regarding the degree of his limitations and the daily struggles he goes through, would be helpful to the case, he will ask you for one. Other then that, it's really none of your business. There are reasons to settle before MMI is reached, but you also need to consider the possibility that he will NEVER get any better, never be the same as he was before. He may have in fact reached MMI. The accident was over 3 years ago, there may not be any other treatment that will help the headaches besides pain meds as needed.

Money for bills is an appropriate claim if lost wages are included.

At any rate, even though his injury affects you, his legal case is between him and his lawyer and doctor. Your only role is to support him when he needs it.

Thank you for your post. You and every other person on this site is right. This is between him and his attorney. I am his wife and I care. I will look to support groups to help how to support him--perhaps a lot of prayer would be in order, at least a lot more than I have.

It affects me but I'm not looking for compensation. This weekend we had a marvelous time together on Sunday. Friday and Saturday were horrible for him. At least he had 1 day.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to lessen the stressors, please let me know.

As far as MMI, he has not reached that point yet.